November and December Patients Please Read

[Heather34]

Hi ladies. In a prior post, Kim wrote: “I’m having my procedure Nov. 11, Veteren’s Day – how fitting, I feel like I’m going to war with my fear and anxiety.” Woooooh! This is so amazing Kim and you will WIN the war against vaginismus. I am so excited for you that your procedure is coming up on Monday. To you and to all of the amazing women who will be treated coming up in November and December, please ask us any questions at all that you may have and most importantly, please know that we are all here to provide you with support and encouragement in your journey. Sending hugs!!!!

[Kim]

Thanks for the encouragement Heather! I’m a mixed bag of emotions right now. I’m excited, scared, anxious, hopeful, relieved and probably a million others feelings I can’t put into words. It feels super surreal that I’m finally doing this. Three years ago I could barely get through watching one of Dr. Pacik’s YouTube videos and now the day of my procedure is around the corner. I truly pray and hope this is the end of carrying this horrible burden. I’m ready for the next phase of our lives to begin and the last phase to finally heal. I am looking forward to meeting this wonderful team of Dr. Pacik, his wife Janet, Ellen & Cynthia – seriously a team of angels doing Gods work. My husband and I are already beyond grateful.

[Olivia]

Hello!

My procedure is also on the 11th and I am very excited and so looking forward to this new chapter just like Kim said. I loved the posts about music and have been listening to a lot of fun upbeat tunes lately that aren’t necessarily inspirational but are fun and happy and keep me smiling and dancing. 🙂

Yay for this new phase of our lives, yay for Dr. Pacik and his team and yay for this blog!! 🙂

[Olivia]

Here are a few of my fave songs:

Girl in the mirror- Cheryl Cole- about how sometimes we pick fights with ourselves and need to take it easy on ourselves
Up- The Saturdays- I love the lyric that says. “Up is where we go from here….I only go up, up”

And I love the beat for
Chasing Pirates- Norah Jones-because sometimes our thoughts keep us up

[Janet Pacik]

Hi Kim & Olivia, Just wanted you to know that I will not be able to be in the office on Nov 11th to meet you. Unfortunately, I will be going through my own procedure that day — oral surgery! Oh, how I wish I could be there instead. Anyway, just wanted you to know that my thoughts will be with you and I just know that you will all do well on November 11th. You are in good hands with Dr. Pacik and our entire staff. You will certainly get to meet Cynthia and Ellen. If I am up to it, I am planning on being at the office on November 12th and I will certainly stop by for the counseling session to see how you are doing on Day 1 Post Procedure!

[Heather34]

Hi ladies. I am so excited for you to have your treatments on Monday and I just know they will go so incredibly well. Olivia, I absolutely LOVE the songs you mentioned too and will add them to the NH playlist. Janet, my thoughts and prayers are also with you on Monday and I just know that your oral surgery will go well and be over with before you know it!!!

Also, in a prior post, Dr. Pacik has written: There are a thousand worries that the average patient has as the day of treatment approaches. “What ifs” tend to be all consuming. There comes a point that it helps to simply allow the flow to take you along its course. I often tell (my worried surgical patients) that they should think of their surgery or treatment as a ride in the car. They put their seat belts on (these are the many safety monitors we have throughout the operating and recovery room) and I’ll take them for a safe ride. I know the route and I am a safe driver. For my vaginismus patients where the treatment has a high level of safety, but anxiety rears its ugly head, the same can be true to help stem the normal anxiety that takes place. There is not much more anyone can say. The day comes and goes, much like any other day. Now you are on one side, then you have stepped across and you are on the other side.”

Sending you all positive thoughts, prayers, and hugs this morning!!!!!

[Olivia]

Hello ladies!!

Janet- thank you! My thoughts are with you during your surgery, thank you for your kind words.

Heather- I’m glad you loved the songs !!

I have a quick question for anyone who may have the answer, if my appt is at 1000 what time should I be at the office? I’m sure Ellen told me but I must have not written it down after…

[Janet Pacik]

Olivia, Thank you so much! I am not sure what time you need to be in the office; however, I did email ellen and told her to get in touch with you with the time. She is usually very responsive and I suspect that you will hear from her soon.

[Kim]

Hey Olivia, nice to hear of someone else that will be there tomorrow. Maybe we’ll get a chance to meet even. Hope you have a peaceful evening. -Kim

[Olivia]

Thank you, Janet! I heard from Ellen and everything is all set. 🙂

Kim, I look forward to meeting you. 🙂

[Heather34]

Sending up positive thoughts, prayers, and hugs to you all this morning!!!!

[Olivia]

This afternoon as I lay on the table in the operating room I reflected on the fact that I was indeed here in New Hampshire, that my plight was close to its end, and that I was indeed spread eagle with my legs in the stirrups, ready for botox.

I have been suffering from vaginismus for almost five years now and today I finally had my procedure. I woke up today with a sense of nervous excitement, today was finally the day! I ate a large dinner last night and kept snacking so I would be full and not super hungry this morning since there are rules about when you should last eat before your procedure. I rode into Dr. Pacik’s office with my fiancé and felt ready, ready for this tough chapter to end, and for the next phase of our lives to really begin. Over the years, I have seen gynecologists who have teased me, “just relax, sex can be fun” and seen others who insisted that I did not need botox, that it was all in my head. Ever since I saw this website I always knew in my heart that was not true. I knew this botox treatment would be the right step towards recovery.

I came in this morning, met Cynthia, filled out some paperwork, went upstairs and waited in the waiting room to meet Dr. Pacik. Dr. Pacik came to the waiting room shortly after I arrived and we went over to another room to discuss my procedure, discuss my condition, and what to expect after. Even though this is the first time I have met Dr. Pacik in person, I was totally at ease with him. I trust him, his experience, and was glad I could finally have an intelligent conversation with a doctor about vaginismus. After this conversation, I went downstairs, changed into my gown, booties, and a cap and waited for a nurse to start my IV. She started the IV, my blood pressure was taken and soon the anesthesiologist came to meet me. Dr. Pacik came by to check my breathing and make sure I was healthy and ready to go for my procedure. He talked me through what was coming next- an exam and then the botox. Before I knew it, it was time for my procedure.

So there I lay on the table, legs in the stirrups and suddenly I realized-I had to go to the bathroom. Again. I mentioned it to the anesthesiologist just in case this would be an issue, and he reassured me everything would be fine. Dr. Pacik came in and began my vaginal exam. He asked for my pain and anxiety levels on a scale of 1-10 and talked me through everything he was doing, reassuring me he would stop if I was uncomfortable. I reacted the way I always have with vaginal exams-involuntary spasms. He let my fiancé feel the spasm and explained everything. Before I knew it, I was asleep. I woke up after my procedure with the largest blue dilator inserted and I remember thinking, “it’s over. it’s finally over”. I was not just referring to the end of the procedure but to not being able to have anything inserted ever. I have never been able to insert a q-tip or a finger on my own. In exams I have only ever been able to stand a small q tip and maybe about half an inch of a finger. To have the largest blue dilator inside felt like a huge feat.

My fiancé explained everything that had happened- even asleep I had moaned and moved and gone into spasms. Dr. Pacik injected botox and made cuts to my hymen because he knew it could be an issue for me later. A short time after I woke up I was allowed to go to the bathroom-with some help. I was excited by the ease at which the dilator went back in right after. Over the next few hours the nurse came in and helped change out the dilators, she moved them around, they went in and out, and I progressed through the different levels (sizes, widths, etc). Dr. Pacik came in to check on me and to discuss tomorrow and what to expect and also explained the importance of leaving a dilator in overnight.

I needed my fiancé’s help showering since I had to keep the dilator in and it only fell out once. I was able to put it back in in no time. I have been taking it easy, relaxing in bed, watching tv, and only take my dilator out to use the restroom. It’s amazing to even be sitting here with my dilator in. Putting the dilator back in each time has not been painful, but instead has felt like a bit of pressure. I am looking forward to tomorrow, really getting to chat with the other patients and spending more time dilating and beginning my daily dilation log.

I was so glad my fiancé was there and that he got to see the procedure and spasms firsthand. Dr. Pacik and his entire staff were so professional and kind and wonderful, today was great! I look forward to what tomorrow brings…. 🙂

[Walt]

Hello. I’m Walt, Olivia’s fiancé. Today was an amazing day for Olivia and I’m so thankful that I was there to see almost the entire procedure to begin the cure for her vaginismus. Not only was it important for me to help support Olivia, it was just as important for me to see and feel firsthand the involuntary spasms that are the cause of the primary vaginismus that she has.
Dr. Pacik and his staff provided me with a set of surgical scrubs and invited me into the operating room. Before being placed under general anesthesia, Dr. Pacik allowed me to see and feel Olivia’s spasms. Then again once she was fully under anesthesia, to see that the spasms were still present. The value of this experience was immeasurable and allowed me to learn that primary vaginismus was a completely physical barrier and not a mental barrier for Olivia. As Dr. Pacik proceeded with the botox treatment, I witnessed a small amount of bleeding and was surprised that as the treatment progressed, I began to get light-headed after watching an incision to her hymen. Shortly after being able to assist with the insertion of a dilator, I had to excuse myself from the operating room to the onset of nausea. The staff and Dr. Pacik were very kind and I didn’t feel embarrassed by my apparent lack of fortitude to make it through the entire procedure.
As Olivia recovered, she asked about what occurred during the time she was under anesthesia and I was able to provide her with the details of the injections and dilation. In order to determine the size of dilator to use for the procedure, I was asked by the doctor what size dilator was comparable to the size of my penis, but that was the only other help I needed to provide during the procedure.
Helping Olivia with all of the post-operative recovery steps has been easy because of the instructions and reassurances provided by Dr. Pacik. The reassurance also came from the one on one conversation he and I had that afternoon about the relationship that Olivia and I have and how to help provide her with a hand in her success in overcoming vaginismus.
I’m looking forward to the meeting tomorrow at Dr. Pacik’s office. After the meeting, we’ll take a nice drive out to the coast.

[Heather34]

Hi guys. I read your posts while riding into work with my husband this morning and we both could not be happier for you. It brings tears to my eyes and I can feel the joy from the both of you in your posts. I just knew everything would go great and you have both come out on top!!!! Good luck on day 2 today and please give us an update of how it went and please always know that we are all here for you along your journey! Wonderful job and sending up positive thoughts for day 2!!!!

[Olivia]

Hello! Thanks for all of your kind words and support Heather! 🙂

Today was Day 2 for me and my first day post-procedure. I slept with the purple dilator inside and only woke a few times from the discomfort of trying to sleep with a dilator inside. This morning I was sore and sitting, especially with the dilator inside was a bit of a challenge, but was not too bad overall. When we arrived at Dr. Pacik’s office I immediately transitioned from the purple dilator up to the pink dilator. Dr. Pacik came in and discussed a few topics with the three couples in the room. After some time I transitioned to a glass dilator which should make walking a bit easier because of the way it is tapered and the bottom fits easier in between my legs. In between discussing intercourse post procedure, dilation, and how to transition from sex being functional to sex being sexy we each closed our privacy curtains and dilated with different sizes. The conversations were honest, open, and it was a great experience. It was nice to sit and speak with other women and other couples who were struggling with the same things I/we have.

I look forward to recording my progress on a daily dilation schedule, one day achieving intercourse, and maybe even be able to use other types of toys, etc to help me dilate.

This experience has been positive and after years of struggling and feeling embarrassed and unsure of how to fix this condition I feel real hope, optimism and joy. I thought I would be shy when talking about my past experiences and history with vaginismus, but I felt comfortable opening up to the group. I wish I had been able to have this procedure sooner and am glad that I had my fiancé there with me, that I have this forum, and that I finally found a doctor who understands and who knows what he is talking about, and who does not make me feel bad. Dr. Pacik and his entire staff have been so wonderful throughout this entire journey. I first learned that I had vaginismus about three years ago, I first attempted intercourse about five years ago, and I first spoke with Dr. Pacik almost two years ago. I was never able to insert a q-tip, finger, or anything, even myself. I never was able to insert a tampon when I first tried about twelve years ago. So to be able to say that I am finally able to insert a dilator is huge. I look forward to the day I can have pain free intercourse and finally have hope that one day soon this will finally happen. 🙂

And on another happy note, here are a few more of my favorite songs:

Unconditionally- Katy Perry
All of Me-John Legend