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    Hey! Let me tell you how glad I was when I found out other women out there had similar experiences to me. When I read online a few months ago, “he felt like he was hitting a wall…” I was like YES! I have been married for a year and a half and this was the first time I was ever sexually intimate. We have been unsuccessful with penetrative sex. He has been able to get in, but only about 1/2 way and then the wall comes. I have dilators, but probably do not use them as much as possible. I have been referred to an PT by my OB/GYN but am terrified to go. I have had 3 pap smear since getting married and the first one was no pain at all, while the other two were terrible and left we crying. So I fear that PT will be the same pain and I hope nearly don’t know if I can handle it. I however want to be able to have penetrative sex and have a family of my own some day. It does not seem fair that is ladies on here have to go through and extra step to get pregnant. We don’t even get to enjoy penetrative sex.


    Hi Natalie_123,

    Welcome to our group! We are happy to help support you and encourage you along your journey. That feeling of “hitting a wall” is exactly what we hear all the time. It is sort of the “hallmark sign” of vaginismus! But the good news is that this is TOTALLY treatable. It’s a good sign that he even could get 1/2 of the way inside of you, and that you have had at least 1 successful speculum exam. Vaginismus sometimes behaves this way (better or worse one day to the next). Dilation really is the key to treatment with this condition. It can be quite intimidating to use dilators at first, especially if you haven’t been instructed on proper use. A pelvic floor PT referral sounds like an excellent first step. They are professionals who are trained in this area, and are usually extraordinarily compassionate to the fears that women with vaginismus often have. They are also familiar with vaginal dilation and can help you figure out what size to start with, etc.

    I know it does NOT seem fair, but there is help out there. Don’t be embarrassed or feel ashamed. You will find that many of the women on this forum have made excellent strides in this area, and you can no doubt do the same.

    Jackie FNP-BC


    Hi Natalie – welcome to the forums! I know it doesn’t seem at all fair, but the saving grace of vaginismus is that it’s fixable and that it can be possible for you someday to have a normal sex life. Jackie is right in that dilation could be a huge help to you and that your partial success so far can really fuel your growth. I recommend beginning to dilate on a regular schedule and seeing a specialist if necessary to get you more comfortable with penetration so you can open up other options for yourself someday – you deserve it.


    Welcome, Natalie, and thanks so much for sharing your experience with us. Jackie and recessivegenequeen are absolutely right about the serious lack of fairness when it comes to vaginismus. And another important fact they offered bears repeating: vaginismus is VERY treatable.

    While this news hopefully brings comfort, we can’t ignore the anxiety and emotional baggage that often accompanies vaginismus. It’s totally understandable that dilation/the idea of PT, etc. is stressful. If you can address this directly, it will absolutely help to make treatment less anxiety-producing. Maximize daily what already helps you relax (yoga/Netfilx/walking outside/meditation/playing with a pet/reading/dancing/talking with friends/fill-in-the blank). IF you’d like other suggestions that can help directly during treatment, don’t hesitate to give us a call.

    Best of luck to you, and keep up your wonderful work!

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