Motivation after bad experience?

[Stevie]

Hi! After having an extremely painful experience while my sexologist tried to insert the smallest dilator, I’m struggling to find the motivation to go back or even look at my dilators. It’s so important for me to make progress, but I feel like I’ve just hit a wall. What can I do to get back up on the horse and feel comfortable trying again?

[Cathleen Kneidl, RPA-C]

Hi Stevie,

Dilating is very difficult. And there are lots of ups and downs. But the most important thing with dilation is sticking with it. I am unsure the qualifications of a sexologist, but you could also try pelvic floor physical therapy. Or if you continue to struggle with dilation, there is always the botox procedure where the dilation is done under anesthesia and botox is injected into the muscle to keep the muscle from re-spasming.

[recessivegenequeen]

Hi Stevie, I think I’ve replied to you elsewhere but just wanted to chime in to say good luck and I hope you’re feeling better about things! Making progress is hard and there are a lot of stumbles along the way. Even when it’s going well there are periods where you find yourself doubting or lose confidence. But it’s your persistence over time that will lead you to a better sex life in the end! Please let us know if we can ever help or answer questions, and best of luck to you!

[Jennifer Dembo, LMSW]

Hi Stevie,

I agree with the responses above. And I’m sorry that the experience with your provider was painful.

If you are motivated to progress, it may be helpful to to try some mindfulness. Generally, this is an awareness that literally every moment – and therefore, every experience – is different than any other. More specifically, you can use mindfulness to treat your next dilation session as something completely new – because, well, it is! And that’s good news, because YOU get decide literally everything: setting, lighting, calming music or ambient sounds, a guilty pleasure tv show, someone to talk to in the room (or on the other side of the door), the timing of insertion and lots of lube. It may take several tries to successfully insert the dilator, but THAT’S OK!!! Take your time, and make the experience your own.

Let me know if you need more suggestions, and thanks for having the courage to share your experience with us!