Mother of two

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    Hi. I am a mother of two girls in their 20’s, both of whom have primary vaginismus. There have been no traumatic experiences ( I’ve asked them!) or any idea why both should suffer, bearing in mind it’s not genetic and it’s an incredibly rare condition. One has had limited success with dilation, the other has had no success at all. Both have tried counselling.
    I now hear that a botox treatment might well be the ‘cure’ for Vagninsmus. We live in the UK. Can anyone offer any advise or guidance as to the success rates of this treatment and who specialises in offering this treatment?
    Many thanks


    Hi Motheroftwo, welcome to the forums. I saw your post on the other thread about the London botox center, so I will defer to the UK members of this thread on that particular clinic, but I can say more generally that the botox treatment (which I received at the Maze clinic here in the US is a godsend and was completely successful for me. I’d never had ANY success with penetration of any kind including dilators, but receiving the botox injections helped with the muscle spasms and also psychologically removed the block that was keeping me from moving forward with having sex. There are numerous posts on these forums on how the botox procedure works as well as dozens of testimonials on the Maze website – there are MANY women who have benefitted from botox. The book When Sex Seems Impossible also gives a comprehensive look at what the treatment entails.

    Interestingly, while you call vaginismus an “incredibly rare” condition, it’s a bit more common that most people probably suspect. The incidence in the general female population is around 0.17% (about 1 in 500 women), but in women ages 15 to 34, which is when most women first attempt some kind of sexual activity, the number jumps to 0.49% (about 1 in 200 women). I suspect that most people know someone with some form of vaginismus (though they may never be aware of it!)

    I agree that it’s unusual that both of your daughters have some form of vaginismus. I won’t speculate why, partly because many women (myself included) never find a “cause” for it and it’s often unhelpful to do so if there isn’t a past trauma to overcome – I think there are many reasons vaginismus can manifest, but it’s not necessary to find something to blame to seek treatment. Your daughters may also have some experiences they don’t want to tell their mother about and will need to deal with your own time, but it would probably be best to give them the space to deal with that themselves/through counseling. The best thing you can do for them is to keep supporting and educating, which you are already doing a great job of! I am glad there are moms like you out there who want to help your daughters conquer this problem.

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