How to know you are ready?

Home Forums Vaginismus Support Group Vaginismus Dilating How to know you are ready?

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    Been a few days since iv posted but have been reading all the posts.

    I had a 2 hour session of dilating yesterday after which i manged insert anf reinsert the big blue…. Which is a milestone for me.!

    Today after 5 mins of purple and pink i manged the blue anf have it in me as i type.

    The big question is how will i know if im ready for intercourse. Hubby same size as blue i think.?

    I dont want to try and disapoint him after the long journey we have had ….. His support for me and the whole vag is reducing as i left my condition untrated for so long.

    Also iv not had botox…. Am i somebody who needs this if i can manage the big blue on my own. I cant afford botox or the travel after years of failed ivf attempts.. Low fertility on my side to make things even worse.!

    Also when i dilate i notice where the tip of the dilator goes in at the top it feels as tho im going to tear a little or cut … Is this normal?

    Any help or info or dilation technichmiques and times would be greatly appreciated.


    I can’t speak to the feeling you get when inserting the dilator, but I too am dilating without botox, and have been able to have pain free sex with my boyfriend twice now 🙂

    I think with as far as you’ve come without botox, you probably don’t need it at this stage. I recommend measuring your hubby’s erect penis and comparing it to the size of the big blue one just so you have more information to go off of and for your own peace of mind. I did this with my boyfriend by wrapping a string once around his erect penis, marking with my finger where the string meets itself, and then wrapping that same string around the big blue dilator. That’ll tell you very quickly where he is in comparison. My boyfriend’s happens to be just a little smaller. If your hubby happens to be slightly larger than the blue one, don’t worry. A penis is way more comfortable than the dilators. I technically can get the blue one in from time to time, but it’s never been easy, comfortable, or not mildly anxiety-inducing, so I’ve decided as of today to not worry about the big blue one for myself.

    Just today, my boyfriend and I were able to have pain free sex without me using the #6 (big blue). Last night, I slept with the #4, and then this morning, I dilated with the #5 for 1 and a half hours. In addition, I discovered that you can turn the glass dilators into vibrators by turning on a separate vibrator and pushing it up against the outside of the glass dilator while the glass one is inside you. I’m not sure how well it’d work for the silicone dilators, but it’s worth a shot! That can help your muscles relax even further. I just want to reiterate – my boyfriend is larger than the #5, but that didn’t pose a problem for me being able to insert him. I think the vibrator trick helped with this too.

    When you two do decide to try, don’t be concerned with “letting him down”, and don’t have any expectations about what will happen. This is a journey, and you’ve already come so far. Your first time, second time, third, or whatever may or may not be successful, but don’t let that fool you into thinking that you’ve “failed”. You haven’t. Heck, you can get the #6 dilator in now! That’s awesome! Your first try, just try for tip only, after you’ve been dilating for a couple of hours. If you get tip only, that’s great! If you get more, that’s great too! If you don’t get tip only, that’s perfectly fine. Some women may find that when it’s their partner’s penis rather than the dilator, they tense up more because that implies less control over the situation. The important part is that you’re trying. You’re facing your fears, and the more you do it, the less scary it’s going to get, and the easier it will be for your muscles to relax when you try insertion with your hubby. He also needs to be patient and understanding. He needs to demonstrate to you that he has total self control and won’t thrust when you’re not comfortable with it. He needs to understand that this is all baby steps, but you two will get there, and you’ll get there together.

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