February 14, 2014 at 2:21 am #9114
I am new here, only having discovered this forum tonight, even though I have suffered from vaginismus for as long as I can remember. Would just like to have the chance to introduce myself!
I have always suffered with vaginismus ever since I was a teenager. I remember being asked by my boyfriend at the time if I was ready to have sex, and I knew right away that I did not want anything to do with it at all. After that, we tried intercourse a few times without even coming close, and I visited a doctor who simply said the word “vaginismus,” gave me a few papers about it and an address to order dilators from, then dismissing me. No help at all, except for finding a name for my condition, and now having a box of scary looking dilators made of wax! Since then, I lived in two very small towns that didn’t even have an OBGYN, so i was forced to ignore my condition. I have been single since my first boyfriend because at every chance I get to have intercourse, I simply avoid it or just try to please them with oral and hope to be done with it.
Since moving to a larger city, I have found the help of a few doctors and have been coached how to use my dilators. I am having a hard time being consistent with my dilators because I am single and I never feel like I have to “get better” for anyone. Never being able to share my success with anyone, or even feeling pressured to get better because I am not in a relationship. Currently I am 25 and still a virgin which is very embarrassing as most WOMEN nevermind men my age are no stranger to intercourse.
So that’s me in a nutshell! I guess basically I just wanted to introduce myself and ask for support from the community, especially from single women, as I don’t think I will ever be in a relationship until I can have sex. It sounds crazy, but this day in age, sex comes first and then maybe a relationship comes later. If you aren’t able to offer sex on the first few nights then its “onto the next one” for men my age. Pathetic I know, but its the truth. I have been in many, many sexual relationships where I had to put on the brakes at intercourse and I have been instantly disregarded, every single time, without fail. On the plus side, I am very, very good at oral sex! 😛
Thanks for listening!February 15, 2014 at 8:11 pm #12523vgfearsParticipant
Hi m.alex88 : i am single too but postmenopausal. I discovered this site
after googling pain + gyn exam. There was a chance i’d need a D&C but thankfully i don’t.
Never had a relationship but just for regular womans health
mab a lotta women would have the exam.
As far as oral stuff, i’m not very knowledgeable with that
except to say if u mention using that to substitute for sex
mab dr p’s procedure will help u openup ur options. Good luck to youFebruary 16, 2014 at 7:28 pm #12525Heather34Moderator
Hi m.alex88. Welcome to the Forum and thank you for your post. I am so, so sorry to hear of your struggles with vaginismus. I, too, suffered with primary vaginismus in the past for several years and was cured in June of 2011 only seven days following Dr. Pacik’s treatment program. Thank God and thank Dr. P. So much of what you describe I can relate to and went through while having vaginismus. Prior to meeting my husband, I dated in college but always cut it off when it got to the point that it would lead to intercourse. I tried to do this with my now husband but he stuck around and wouldn’t let me “break-up” with him b/c of this but was the first guy who wanted to be there for me regardless. He was my rock in every sense and I love him so, so much. It took us far too long to find Dr. Pacik’s program but we are both so, so glad we did. Prior to this, I tried using dilators on my own as well as pelvic floor PT and nothing worked as I was unable to achieve any sort of penetration without feeling like I was hitting a wall and intense burning pain. It was just impossible despite how hard and how many times we tried. What made this treatment work when so many other things failed in the past was a combination of factors: Dr. Pacik himself – he is the first doctor that we met that understood every aspect of the condition of vaginismus and took the time to listen to us and devise a treatment program which included pre-procedure consult, pre-procedure support, the procedure itself (Botox treatment with progressive dilation under anesthesia), dilator training within the office, extensive therapy from the Doctor himself, and comprehensive follow-up which is crucial to the success of the program. I would strongly encourage you to contact him and work with him in any way you possibly can. We did and are so, so thankful to this day.
I also wanted to share a helpful thread from other treated patients:
“I think that in some regard, there’s an advantage to being single – you don’t have to tell any new prospects in your life about your struggles with vaginismus (if you don’t want too) and there is a bit less pressure to perform. You move at your own pace and do what’s right for you… and in some ways, that’s very freeing and liberating.”
Please know that we are all here for you 100% and I can’t wait to read more of your posts. :):):)February 18, 2014 at 1:15 am #12539
Thank you for your reply, Heather34,
I am glad to see that I am not alone. Sadly, I think I live too far away to receive treatment from Dr. Patick, and I have never be referred to a similar procedure from my sexual therapist, although I will ask her about it!
Thank you for your kind words.February 18, 2014 at 8:41 am #12540Heather34Moderator
Hi m.alex. You are definitely not alone with this condition at all and we are all here to support you. I recall so well my experiences with this while in college. I wonder if it would help for you to complete the inquiry form and contact Dr. Pacik to even discuss receiving his pamphlets to better describe the treatment to your sexual therapist. Following my procedure, I provided my first ob/gyn and many after with this pamphlet and it helped me so much to better explain it.
I also wanted to share a touching thread with you from the Mother of a recently treated patient who was treated in December of 2013: Reaching out to Young WomenFebruary 23, 2014 at 7:34 pm #12547
Thanks Heather34, I will try to contact Dr. Pacik for some more information!March 1, 2014 at 9:33 pm #12558BeccaParticipant
Thanks so much for sharing your story. The ladies here understand what you are going through and you’re not alone! I have considered myself a freak for a number of years struggling with this and feeling like a huge failure as a woman and as a wife. This condition definitely affects more than just our sex life, but our whole life. I agree with Heather, you should definitely contact Dr. Pacik just to be assessed and see what can happen from there. My OBGYN has been pretty great overall, but I know that she doesn’t understand it as well as Dr. P does and so I just got a copy of his book “When Sex Seems Impossible” to give to my Dr. so she can see the whole picture. She was very curious once I told her I was going to NH for treatment.
Anyways, I just want you to know we are all here for you!
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