hello, My name is Tony
November 1, 2013 at 1:57 am #9032
My name is Tony I have created this account for my wife Christine. We have been dealing with vaginismus for a few years now. It took us a long time to figure out what the problem was. When my wife started telling me it was painful to have sex we scheduled appointments and saw a few gynos who said nothings wrong, its all in her head. So we tried lube it helped for obvious reasons. But still pain. So my wife is not much of a reader. If its not a video she loses interest. So I started search the internet pretending it was my problem. Typing it feels like sand paper during sex and painful sex and finally I found the right words that lead me to this site. I have bought three books on the subject. Reclaiming desire and when sex hurts and now when sex seems impossible. I have read these books to my wife not in entirely but the parts I knew she needed to hear. She gets very upset and crys cuz she feels broken and it was hard for her to watch the videos on peter paciks youtube channel. She got even more upset when she filled out the papers that he emailed us to provide symptoms. I feel we are lucky cuz I think she is lvl 1 or 2 since she can rekax enough for an exam. She has been going to iowa city to see a doctor and is diolating with a 3/4″ for 5mins every other day. She describes burning sensations during and after. She was at the next suze up but has regressed. She has the berham diolator set sizes 3/4 & 1″ & 1 1/4″ & 1 3/8 . I am 1.91 inches in diameter more accurate is 6in in circumferance. So I think she may have pushed to far to fast. When we got her to the third diolator we then tried very slow penile penitration. I am wondering is there anyone here on the self guided program? While we are planning to get evaluated we think that she may be able to do this with out botox. We are curious if her current streaching program is normal? Thanks for reading.November 3, 2013 at 5:59 am #12048Janet PacikParticipant
Hi Tony, This is Janet Pacik, Dr. Pacik’s wife and practice manager of VaginismusMD. I know that Dr. Pacik has evaluated your wife’s forms. I do strongly urge you to set up a complimentary telephone conversation or Skype conversation with him. During that time, do talk to him about remote counseling and about the DVD titled “The Ins and Outs of Dilating”. This DVD explains the many different aspects of using dilators in the treatment of vaginismus.
You may also want to view the following posts on this Forum concerning remote counseling with Lifi:
Lifi’s success story continues on the following link last entry on this page:
Vashalla’s experience with remote counseling can be found at:
and Vashalla’s success story continues on:
On our website, we have 4 pages on Remote Internet Counseling for Vaginismus:
Home Page http://www.vaginismusmd.com/vaginismus/internet-counseling/
Patient from California http://www.vaginismusmd.com/vaginismus/internet-counseling/patient-from-california/
Patient from Sweden http://www.vaginismusmd.com/vaginismus/internet-counseling/patient-from-sweden/
Patient from Australia http://www.vaginismusmd.com/vaginismus/internet-counseling/patient-from-australia/November 3, 2013 at 1:01 pm #12050VashallaParticipant
Hi Tony, welcome to the forum! When I started with Dr. Pacik in February, I was also a level 1 patient because I could handle gyno exams, but not sex. My anxiety was also lower compared to many other women with vaginismus. Dr. Pacik’s remote counseling absolutely worked for me. Within a couple of months (I think even less), my boyfriend and I were actually able to have enjoyable sex for the first time! Watching Dr. Pacik’s DVD, “The Ins and Outs of Dilating” will be incredibly helpful. In it, he goes into detail about the dilation schedule, how to dilate, tips for transitioning to sex, and everything in between. Typically, he recommends dilating for 2 hours each day and then sleeping with a smaller dilator every 2 or 3 nights. It sounds like a lot, but if time is an issue, even an hour is better than nothing. It absolutely gets easier over time, though, and it’s worth it in the end. Eventually, she may find that she walk around with the dilator in, so that it doesn’t seem like such a time sink.
Everyone’s different, but so long as she sticks with it, she will definitely be able to overcome it. And she’ll need your support, love, and understanding throughout the whole process, but I suspect that won’t be an issue since you’re here talking to us 🙂November 3, 2013 at 9:27 pm #12052
Hi Tony. Welcome to the Forum and thank you for your post. I am so sorry for both of your struggles with this condition. Prior to receiving Dr. Pacik’s treatment, I suffered with vaginismus for my entire 11 year relationship / 5 year marriage. My husband supported me throughout and we were able to have pain-free intercourse 7-days following treatment. We are very open in our support of couples with vaginismus post-procedure as we know what it was like to have this for so long. After reading your post, he said one of the things that helped him was that the blocked feeling that he had whenever he tried to insert even a finger inside of me was no longer there following this procedure and it also helped him that I dilated in advance of intercourse for a couple of hours. While having vaginismus, we tried intercourse and even finger insertion so many times and each time, it would hurt so bad and I would always pull away in pain. Once I no longer felt this pain, I became used to the feeling of him inserting his finger as well as penis and the fear/pain/resistance feeling went away. It also really, really helped us that Dr. Pacik included both of us very much in the treatment program. Prior to this involvement, I wanted to quickly drive to NH and fix “my” problem myself and didn’t see how it was impacting my husband. On day 1 of the program, immediately post-procedure, I wanted to shut down again and not involve him in dilating and I am so thankful to this day that I didn’t and opened my eyes to realizing that it was a journey to overcome together. In realizing this, he was able to see, for the first time, that the dilators of all sizes and larger than him, were able to be inserted, removed, and reinserted without pain and my normal reaction of “no, no, no” and tears. It helped him so much to know that he would not be hurting me and, it helped me, to trust him so much more. I practiced with the dilators at first; then practiced with his hand on mine; and finally allowed him to get comfortable with inserting, removing, and reinserting the dilators for me. It may sound funny but the whole experience brought us so much closer as a couple. Thereafter, it took us time to become used to “thank God this doesn’t hurt anymore” to pleasurable “this is something fun that we both look fwd to” intercourse. In our journey, we both learned quite a bit more about one another and have grown even closer. You sound so supportive for your wife and this is wonderful. I can understand how she feels when you say she cries when hearing words about vaginismus and in completing the forms. I had these same feelings and experiences while having vaginismus. It was so hard to face it and the emotions came out whenever I did because of how much I kept this hidden and how isolating it was. I would be more than happy to e-mail with Christine personally at any point to support her even further because I know the feelings that she is experiencing. I think all steps that you are taking right now, even writing this Forum post, are one giant step in the right direction of both overcoming this condition together and please, please know that we are all here to support you both along your journey!!!!November 8, 2013 at 7:52 pm #12067
I am trying to get her to read Dr. Paciks book. She told me she scrolled to a page that describes the symptoms and started to cry. I explained to her that if she would read from the begining it would be more like a conversation with the doctor. I can’t get her to read the forum yet. But we did talk on the phone with Doctor Pacik. I dud most the talking. She was still confused about where the vestibule is and couldn’t describe her symptoms. I was at the appointments when the diagnosed her with vestibleitus. The q tip test. She has a spasm at about two inches in on the left side. And if that side is touched it tightens both sides. She has been trying to diolate for 6 months so Dr. Pacik recommended botox. I am ok with this even though she seems like a lvl 1 or possible lvl 2. I think if we do the full treatment she will progress much easier and faster. Our appointment is for Dec 16. Its 17 hour drive. I am gonna get fmla. I will try to get her to open up to private emails and let you know heather or maybe even a phone call.November 8, 2013 at 7:59 pm #12068
Also I would like to thank you all for your responses. 🙂November 8, 2013 at 11:35 pm #12069VashallaParticipant
I’m so glad you guys have made an appointment! Even though she may be “only” a level 1 or 2, it sounds like her anxiety levels warrant Dr. Pacik’s botox treatment. And I don’t mean that in a bad way at all! It’s easy to ignore vaginismus (mostly), but it’s a scary, scary thing to confront it head on. It has a tendency to uncover years of repressed emotions. It’s gonna be an emotional ride for both of you in a very good way when she wakes up after the procedure with a dilator already in. It will be just the breakthrough she needs 🙂
Please do let us know how it goes! We’re all here for you!November 9, 2013 at 8:22 am #12074
Hi Tony. I am so, so happy that you and Christine are having the procedure in December. Prior to having it, I would’ve never written “you and Christine” are having it b/c I thought of it as something that was just my problem to fix. It wasn’t until becoming involved in talking to Dr. Pacik and the staff and going through it that I very much realized that my husband and I were both having this treatment together. While I had the physical procedure, he experienced it right along with me and was there for me every step of the way both emotionally and also to help me physically with inserting, removing, and re-inserting the dilators. I can’t describe to you how much closer it brought us but it so, so did and for the first time, I felt like we were going on a journey and we overcame this condition together. I know that you guys will overcome too and we are all here to support you along your journey! I can also very much relate to Christine’s nervousness and anxiety and if you, Christine, are reading this, please know that we all get it and have been in a similar situation and we are all here to support you. I, too, held the emotions about vaginismus in for so long that whenever anything was mentioned about it or I had to face it in any way, I would either cry or completely shut down. I didn’t and still don’t know anything about the vestibule nor where it is. I, too, was super, super quiet in talking to any doctor in the past about my symptoms of vaginismus because of such intense anxiety and the feeling like I would start crying almost immediately if I did talk about it. I found it helpful to write out each of my symptoms before any doctor’s appointment and then to either hand them what I had written or read what I had written down when I became nervous. I think it will be so, so wonderful for you to have this treatment and meet Dr. Pacik, Janet, and all of the staff. They are exceptional in every way; they care so much; and they actually understand the symptoms of vaginismus and everything that is associated with it. And, very importantly for us, they include the spouse/partner in the treatment very much as well. Please continue to let her know that we are all here for her and, again, I’d love to chat with her anytime via e-mail, phone, or even text. Also, please know that we are all here for you both as a couple. Sending positive thoughts and hugs to you both this morning!!!!!!November 11, 2013 at 8:24 am #12082Quote:Quote from llcuriousonell on November 8, 2013, 19:52
Our appointment is for Dec 16.
Hi Tony and Christine. If you can think of any specific questions that you may have prior to your procedure, please ask anything at all and we will be there for you. Sending you both much support and I know everything will go great with your upcoming treatment.November 13, 2013 at 12:02 am #12097NakitalabParticipant
Hi Tony and Christine. I’m so glad that you found Dr. Pacik and have made an appointment for the procedure in December. It will be life changing. You could not find anyone more professional, empathetic and understanding than Dr. Pacik and his wonderful team. I am 53 years old and suffered with Vaginismus for over 32 years. I had my procedure last October and I am so happy to say that it was successful. My thoughts and prayers are with the two of you.December 9, 2013 at 12:24 pm #12244
Hi Tony and Christine. I want you to know that we are all here for you both as well as the other patients who will be having their procedures this week and next week and I just know everything is going to go so, so, so well. Sending hugs and support!!!
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