Do I have vaginismus? Need some advice
February 10, 2019 at 3:41 pm #24322
I am a 20 year old woman and want some advice or to hear other peoples experiences. I have been in a sexual relationship with my boyfriend for 3.5 years now. Sex had never been an issue until a year ago when i bled heavily as a result of being tense. Ever since then I have had troubles. The thought of penetration scares me and sometimes has not been acheived, it almost feels like my body is trying to push him out and like a wall is being hit inside. I always get a stinging sensation after sex.
I have never been able to use tampons, it hurts to try and use them and gives me an overwhelming nauseus feeling hits me so strong that it makes me feel like i want to pass out. I feel the same about inserting pessaries when ive had to.February 10, 2019 at 11:53 pm #24330
Hi Stevieann98 – I’m no doctor, but this sounds a lot like vaginismus to me. Any former sufferer will recognize that telltale phrase: “It’s like hitting a wall.” The anxiety around insertion and penetration more than anything is what makes vaginismus such a challenge to combat.
I would encourage you to take a break from penetrative sex with your partner if possible so that you don’t deepen the connection between intimacy and pain/anxiety. Get some dilators and see what kind of progress you make with them. You may have to rebuild the intimacy you have with your partner in new ways, but it will pay off hugely to create a dynamic where you’re enjoying yourself without fear.February 11, 2019 at 4:50 am #24331
Thank you so much for your reply, Ive recently thought that this is the case but i wanted some advice first. Of course I have thought about going to my GP but the idea of a stranger seeing my genitals and having to go through an examination horrifies me and creates huge anxiety!February 11, 2019 at 8:58 pm #24337
Stevieann98, I totally get it! Trust me, I wasn’t ever able to have a gyno exam during my vaginismus. The advantage in doing it is that they can help you figure out how severe your vaginismus is, but that’s also something you can do on your own with dilators if that’s how you’re more comfortable starting. It’s all about moving at your own pace!February 12, 2019 at 5:45 am #24340
Its nice to speak to someone who understands! Did you find treatment was useful, I must say im not keen on the idea of dilators are the alternative methods that can be used?February 12, 2019 at 4:19 pm #24350
Jennifer Dembo, LMSWModerator
Hi Steveiann98 – thanks so much for writing! At Maze, we see women every day who experience very similar challenges. You are NOT alone! And the good news is that if you have vaginismus, you can in all likelihood be successfully treated. Trying to heal on your own is not impossible, but we know that sexual dysfunction can be anxiety-producing. That’s why working with a warm and caring clinician who specializes in sexual health will ensure you have proper medical and emotional support along the way. If you would like more information about the services we provide at Maze (or if you need a referral should you not be able to access our offices in NY), please call for a free 10-minute consult.
Best of luck to you!February 15, 2019 at 9:58 pm #24361
Stevieann98 – For me getting treatment at Maze was CRUCIAL. I highly doubt I could have ever achieved penetration or intercourse if I hadn’t had the assistance of the wonderful clinicians and specialists. I had the botox treatment myself, but one thing worth mentioning is that however you end up getting treatment, dilation will be some part of the process in all likelihood. It’s an essential step because it’s the act of stretching the muscles to prepare them for penetration. Think about it like training to run a marathon: you likely won’t have success if you go to a racetrack and try to run 26 miles right away, but if you practice and prepare your body for what it’ll be experiencing, you can achieve something remarkable. Dilation can take different roles in the process (and botox can make it a lot easier), but it’s the step that really prepares your vagina for what it can do.February 17, 2019 at 5:44 pm #24371
Hearing so many success stories with the use of dialators makes me more open minded to the idea i think. Am i able to get the maze services as I live in the uk? And Is there any information for men to help me explain to my boyfriend
ThanksFebruary 17, 2019 at 10:51 pm #24376
Hi Stevieann98 – yes, you can totally make use of Maze’s services even if you live in the UK. Patients fly in from all over the world to get treatment at Maze – you can call the clinic or send them a message to begin exploring that option if you’d like. I’ve also heard that you can get botox done in London (there’s some other forum threads out there about it), but I don’t think the place that does it does the thing where you wake up with a large dilator inside you, which was an important part of the process for me personally.
If your boyfriend needs more info about what vaginismus is and how it works, he can read some of the same basic resources that are on this website and on the internet. I highly recommend he checks out the “Vaginismus for the Men” section of these forums – it can really help give the men a space to express their own feelings, which are complex and unique:
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