Dilation…am I doing this wrong?

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    Hi brains trust! I have been dilating for a few months now but feel stuck on the first dilator. Is it meant slide all the way in or just part of the way? I can only seem to get my middle finger in to the middle (where the joint is) and I can move around in that space pain free but any further and it just feels like I’m hitting a wall. I suspect I can feel the vaginal opening, however prior to feeling this spot I thought I was already in my vagina 🙁
    Not sure if I should keep trying with the smallest dilator or should I just move up a level. Wondering if what I’m feeling is in fact my vaginal opening and if it is, will it ever fricken open. Feeling a bit lost, any tips or advice is welcome!


    Hi Woods95! I’m not sure which dilator set you’re using, but normally the dilator should be able to slide in down to the base. I suspect what’s happening is that you’re hitting that strong inner muscle of the vagina that’s near the front – this is the part that clenches and gives you that “brick wall” feeling. The work of dilating is to push past this muscle. Once you are able to pass through it, the rest of the dilator will slide in easily.

    Definitely stick with the smallest dilator for now until you can insert it fully. I can’t be sure of exactly how it feels to insert the dilator (whether it feels tight or extremely painful or what) but i think it’s important to know you will definitely feel like you are pushing PAST something (like going through a heavy metal door that takes strength to push open). This is how it’s SUPPOSED to feel, which is scary because it can feel kind of wrong, like your body is fighting you, but if you gently resist and keep pushing the dilator will suddenly slide in and you’ll realize exactly how it’s supposed to feel.

    I really hope this helps – and believe me when I say I know how unnatural it feels, but you are doing the hard work and you are going to be so proud of yourself in the end!


    Great advice recessivegenequeen.

    I agree, stick with the smallest until you feel like you have penetrated through that first ring of muscle. It could feel like a pop, or like going over a hump, once through that muscle, the dilator usually slides right in.

    I would make sure you are using plenty of lubricant. Keep continued slow steady pressure on the spot, and it should give.

    You can also try taking a bath before dilation to help relax the muscles.




    Keep working with the smallest one. Like the others say, use a lot of lube and go very slowly (take deep breaths, too). I liked to watch Netflix while dilating to relax me, but if you need to concentrate maybe try quiet music. Eventually you WILL feel like you penetrated through a first ring of muscle and the dilator will slide right in. You might feel a bit of pain but only for a second.

    If you need, see a pelvic therapist to show you how to use the dilators! I wasn’t able to use them on my own and went to Maze Women’s Health clinic to help me learn how to use the dilators on my own. My progress was slow & steady and I felt so great when I got through all the dilator sizes!

    Good luck!

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