Dilating technique that works for me

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    Over the past few weeks, I’ve actually been dilating on a very regular basis, and as of today, have gotten back to where my fiance and I can have sex again (yay!). I’ve come up with a dilation routine and a technique that works very well for me. I thought I’d share this in the hopes that it will help someone else. I’ll preface this by saying that the dilator I am currently working with is the #5 glass dilator, which is also fortunately the largest I ever need to dilate with.

    I start off with a well-lubed finger and use it to gently push against the walls of my vagina all the way around until I feel them relax and become more pliable. At the moment, it only takes a minute or two for the muscles to relax a bit. Your mileage will vary depending on where you are in your process of course. Then, I insert a dilator that is at least one size smaller than the one I’m primary working on (again, your mileage will vary) – for me, that’s the #4. I leave it in for at least 5-10 minutes, or until I can move around pretty comfortably with it in. Some days, that might mean that I never dilate with the #5. Other days, I can have the #5 in for an hour or more after I’m done with the #4.

    The biggest help to me in this process is starting off with a finger to relax the vaginal muscles before anything else. It makes everything that comes after it go so much smoother, and it’s a nice signal to the vaginal muscles that it’s time to dilate. It’s also really easy to integrate into foreplay by having your partner do this for you.

    I have to say that I’m really happy with how quickly I’ve been able to get back to where I was before. I’d heard before that if you regress, it’s always easier to get back to where you were before that it was the first time around, but now I have first hand experience with that. I was so frustrated a month ago because I was having trouble with the #4 after taking too long a break from dilating. Now though, I’m actually able to have enjoyable sex again! From here on out, no more slackin’!

    Dr. Pacik

    Thanks Vashalla, this is a very important post. Two points are especially noteworthy: 1. Using a finger for dilation. Once vaginismus is under control, this maneuver helps begin the dilation process. This is a normal physiologic response in anticipation of intercourse. 2. Resuming dilation after having discontinued this for a period of time with onset of pain again. It may take a few weeks, but well worth the effort.


    Vashalla, what an awesome post! So glad that you persevered and got back into the routine of dilating again. This is a wonderful testimony to not give up. I have noticed lately that I have been experiencing a little bit of discomfort (nothing like it was prior to my procedure-but just a little uncomfortable). Not sure if it is due to my post menopause dryness or if I need to starting dilating a little more again. Your post has encouraged me to step it up again. Thank you!


    Nakitalab, I’m glad my post helped you! I do think after a while, there’s a tendency to become complacent or just plain tired of dilating, but it’s good to keep up with it, especially when you feel yourself start to backslide. I’ve asked my fiance to try to help me remember to dilate, and I keep reminding him that he’s not been reminding me on the days I forget. Tonight, he actually reminded me. Yay! I’ve almost got him trained 🙂


    This is AWESOME Vashalla! It also helped me so much to have the hubby on board reminding me to dilate and also encouraging me whenever I felt complacent. It went from my mentality of “this is my own issue to fix” to a feeling of “two of us overcoming together” and it was so helpful for me to see it as this.:):):)

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