Becoming Frustrated

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    I was very discouraged that I have had to move down since I was able to get the largest one in the day after my surgery. But knew I would have to move and this will be a slow process. I’m trying very hard to stay positive, but for me its very hard to, I almost dread having to try to put it in, because I feel like I always have to go down and work my way up, I have been told this is normal, but the discouragement is not helping my motivation to push forward. I have never posted here and really never wanted to, but my doctor has pushed this, I hope someone may have some advice on the subject.


    I think the best way to think about this is this: the muscles in our vaginal walls have never really been stretched before. I keep telling myself I wouldn’t expect my body to be able to run a marathon if it had been in a wheelchair for 20 years. I, too, felt “guilty” for starting back at the purple before going up again. I am now 54 days post-procedure and still can’t get the blue glass in unless the pink glass has been in for 2 hours. One step at a time. You’ll get there in your own time and in your own way. Don’t get discouraged!


    Set backs are really frustrating, I know! But if you’re going two steps forwards one step back, you’re still moving in the right direction and will eventually get there. I remember Ellen saying that with dilation sometimes we have great days, sometimes bad days, and usually ok days. At one stage I had to get the baby blue one out (which we don’t even use at Dr P’s surgery) because I couldn’t even get the purple one in, but now I don’t even use the purple and go straight to the pink (and I’m working with the no7 too!). Perseverence and positivity is the key with this, and you are not alone in what you’re experiencing – keep going!


    Hi KillerQueen. Welcome to the forum and thank you for your post. It is entirely normal to feel like this in the beginning stages with dilating and please know that we are all here to support you. I know you can do this and it will get much easier and better for you with time!!! Here are 2 excellent posts from both Dr. Pacik and Forum Member (silverperl) concerning their views on early dilation.
    Dr. Pacik:
    Post procedure dilation is a “roller coaster” ride during the first 1-2 weeks after treatment. The muscles are still tight and “talking back” as they are being stretched. Since most women feel they will be the one person for whom Botox does not work, any difficulty with dilation immediately verifies these feelings. Then the muscles loosen up as the Botox is taking effect and the week or two of dilation is starting to be noticeable with less pain and therefore less anxiety. Now it is just a question of continuing with the program of dilation, and most of my patients at this stage begin thinking of transitioning to intercourse.
    Dr. Pacik is correct that dilating early on is a roller coaster ride. You are making progress and definitely celebrate every success! Even once you start trying intercourse you will have days where it goes smoothly and days where you wonder if the procedure worked. Stay positive and keep trying. I remember thinking will intercourse ever not have to be a “robotic” process. A little over 3 years now from my procedure I can tell you I rarely have to worry or get prepared to have intercourse. You are doing great and soon you will not even think about all the dilating and struggle. 🙂

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