Am I normal?!

This question gets asked to me more than any other. Am I normal?

I hate oral sex. Am I normal? I LOVE oral sex more than anything. Am I normal? I don’t have orgasms from intercourse. Am I normal? I can only have orgasms from intercourse. Am I normal?

I fantasize about women even though I’m heterosexual. Am I normal? I fantasize about men who are not my husband. Am I normal? I fantasize about 200 men. Am I normal? I don’t fantasize at all. Am I normal?

I only really want sex 2 times a month. Am I normal? I want sex every day. (You guessed it, everyone together now…) AM I NORMAL?”

Okay guys, let me let you into a little secret…YOU ARE NORMAL!!!!!!!

The reality is that sexual likes, dislikes, fantasies, experiences, desires are very varied… and there is a huge range of what is normal. The better questions you should be asking yourselves are: Do I truly know what I like and dislike? Does what I like or desire work for me? Does it work for my partner? If the answer to THESE questions are “no”…then you should address them. Not because you are not “normal” but because your sex life isn’t working for you. And what should you do about that? That, my dear normal friends (sigh) will have to wait for other blog entries.

Picture of Bat Sheva Marcus, LMSW, MPH, PhD

Bat Sheva Marcus, LMSW, MPH, PhD

Dr. Bat Sheva Marcus is a certified sex therapist and the Clinical Director of Maze Women’s Sexual Health, one of the largest centers for women’s sexual health in the country. Dr. Marcus wrote her dissertation on women and vibrator use while earning her Doctor of Philosophy in human sexuality from the Institute of Advanced Study of Human Sexuality. She also has a Master’s in public health from the same institution. She is a licensed social worker with a Master’s degree from Columbia University. Dr. Marcus has worked as the executive director of not-for-profit institutions and corporations, medical practices and laboratories. In addition to being featured in a NY Times article, she is a frequent guest on radio, podcasts and has lectured both nationally and overseas on a wide variety of women's issues.
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A safe and comfortable place to discuss vaginismus

The vaginismus forum at Maze Women’s Health is designed to bring women together. We understand that painful sex, vaginismus treatment, and the subsequent recovery can be sensitive topics, and you should have a safe and comfortable place to voice your experience, opinions, and concerns.

We envision this vaginismus forum as a place for you to introduce yourself, share your personal story, ask questions, and discuss any and all aspects of vaginismus, including our treatment options. We sincerely hope that you find this to be a comfortable place to discuss your struggles and triumphs as you navigate through vaginismus treatment. Talking through these issues with women that have gone through it can make all the difference.

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