[shreya]

Good Morning Everyone! Updates from thrilling Day 3,4 & 5 🙂

Dilation continued on day3 and day4 and i was all set to try intercourse. Even though I was confident and there was no fear or anxiety, deep down i was worried a bit now because my husband was feeling a little bit pressurized and we couldnt do it the first time we tried on Day3 & 4. Again like we would do in every other step, WE SEEKED HELP! Throughout the treatment, Along with women, men go through a lot as well. They have a fear that they might hurt us and we’l go back to our shells again.

This is the part where i felt, we had such an amazing support BEFORE, DURING and AFTER the procedure by Dr Pacik and his team, that really kept us going. we followed all instructions from Dr Pacik very carefully at each and every hurdle we encountered. They are truly professionals and they really know what they are doing. when we go to them for help, they already know that someone in the past had the same issue and then they guide us in the right direction.

On the same day, We then visited Boston since we had another day to spend in NH. so it took off all the pressure off our minds. We returned from Boston and I wore the pink dialator on and slept. so that’s about day4, friday

Woke up to the morning of day 5, August 4th, we had to check out of the hotel  at 11 am and fly back home. We thought we’l give it a try again.  I told my husband (or rather gave permission lol) to think of any thing that he fantasizes most about, so it will help this time. I know it sounds funny and desperate but both  of us understand that its  abt getting thru the first time. so we gently started!

When we were trying,  I thot for a second that this is THE TIME and I can either, ‘choose to conquer it’ or ‘go back to my shell’. My husband was slowly applying pressure and bit by bit we were progressing. I thought this is THE MOMENT  and took a deep breath to try a little more ‘n next second my hubby goes – its already in ! m like what?  no ways, I don’t think ???…..lol……I actually took my finger and circled around the bottom and I could not find it anywhere outside….lol….

IT WAS ACTUALLY INSIDE ME !!! 
I HAD MY FIRST PAINFREE INTERCOURSE on day 5 !!!!!!

I was crying and laughing and i really cant express what that feeling was. That feeing was truly out of this world ! I Did not even feel the ring that  you usually feel when u r dilating that the dilator needs to pass thru. botox had really kicked in! I did the right thing by opting for dilation with botox. 

Trust me guys, as they say – real thing is much easier than dilators. I wanted to see with my own eyes that it went inside, so we tried again and this Time I witnessed it going inside without pain. UN–BELIEVABLE!!!!!!!

Ladies, if i can do it, everybody else can do it 🙂 if you are having any second thoughts about the treatment, please do yourselves one last favor which will change your life 🙂 and i think you deserve it 🙂 . I can understand because i was there too initially thinking , is this the right treatment for me or not ?but i’m right here telling you that it INDEED is the right one for us! So all you have to do is, Shift + Delete all those second thoughts about the treatment from your mind and just get on to any flight that goes to ‘New Hampshire’!!!!  lol 🙂 

Also i want to make a mention, before the procedure doctor gave me the contact of previous patient that overcame this. I spoke to this person and  this truly helped me. Now, I WANT TO BE THAT LITTLE HELP to someone else that’s going thru this right now. Ladies – together we can fight this back and wipe this out from our systems !!!

I successfully bottle necked my vaginismus and burried it under the sea,  so there is no way it can find me again…lol…. 
If I can do it,  you can too !  
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Ahhh Its THE END of my vaginismus which actually puts an end to 4 years of struggle physically and emotionally that took a complete toll on me and my husband’s lives , with an emptiness in our marriage. While writing this, i’am actually looking at my wedding photo album which i had not opened and looked again for last 4 years ‘n i cant stop my tears as i’m writing to you all… 

We want to enjoy the lost time so we are planning to visit my family and then trip to Hawaii in the next 4 months …lol….until the botox wears off and then its baby time !!!! until then happy dilation and pain free intercourse 🙂

Thank you, Janet for that warmth and support , Ellen for your suggestions on how to laugh out the stress. Thanks Jenn for the support and warmth in the OR. Thanks to my veteran friend who totally boosted my confidence, Thank you Tracy for all the support post procedure and thanks to all that have been replying to my posts and providing support 🙂

and Dr Pacik – I cant express in words what this means to me.

YOU NOT ONLY REPAIRED MY BROKEN WINGS, YOU GAVE ME A NEW SET OF WINGS TO FLY !!!

I’ve learnt so much from you that, i’am now a confident new person, going to start a new life, leaving behind vaginismus ! U WILL ALWAYS REMAIN CLOSE TO MY HEART IS ALL I CAN SAY !!!!!  I could’nt have been on this side of  “”””” the dreaded V “””””””” if it was’nt for YOU !!! THANK YOU !!! Time to celebrate !!! hurray !!!

[shreya]

Hello everyone! I’m back with day 2 updates!

like day1, day2 was equally important.  Important because now you’re off anaesthesia and you would be anxious as to how the dilation would go without it. After day1, we all went home with the purple dialator in. The only thing that was in my mind was that, what if i have to go to the toilet and what if the dialator comes out and what if Mr purple refuses to go inside lol 🙂 the whole evening of day1, up until the morning of day2, i thought maybe I might fail atleast ONCE in putting these back in again, but to my surprise, i went to the toliet thrice on day 1 after the procedure and all 3 times, i cant believe how easily the purple went in each time. Then i got a lil greedy and wanted to try Pink which is one size bigger, and that one slided in with ease too.  I slept with a pink dialator, on just day1 ‘n thats one size bigger than purple which is usually what they expect you to be on , on the first day and girlies, let me remind you, i’am level 4+ severe vaginismus in terms of lamont classification.

then comes the morning of day 2,  i thought ok i think now i’m definitely going to fail and that i will NOT be able to put the pink back after taking a shower because all the anesthesia is worn off and the fear of going back to square one was haunting me.
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couple of minutes later, bingo – i was able to slide it in. This was just unbelievable ‘n being able to do all of this just on day2 and that too, without anaesthesia was another stepping stone. We all did so well in our dilation today that we had a little lunch picnic outing with Dr pacik as our reward. I cant explain it to you all how well Dr Pacik knows and understands about us women, more than we know about ourselves. It was such an accomplishment on day2 dilation for all 3 of us that i actually wanted to go do somersault lol (hav never tried one before lol…)

Post lunch Dr Pacik gave us a speculum that obgyn use , just to touch it and get the feel of it. as you all know there is so much history with all of us, of not being able to have a gyn exam in the past, so just by looking at it , tears rolled out from my neighbour friend.  we all have gone through so much in the past that i actually sometimes felt in the past that i’ve fallen into a deep grave that is so deep where no one can hear me out. Looking at that dreaded device, all the episodes of my pain of not being normal in the past just flashed back. That was truly an emotional moment for all of us and i could hardly keep my tears inside. All these will be memories i will be taking along with me when i leave from here.

For where i’am today, My confidence  getting reassured again and again is  just because of dr Pacik and his team . All i did was took one step of coming here and I left the rest to Dr Pacik. I JUST SO MUCH DID THE RIGHT THING! 

We then had an awesome dinner and boat ride at Dr Pacik’s house that concluded day2. I cant thank enough to dr Pacik and his lovely wife Janet for understanding us and taking time out for such a wonderful evening. It was my dear husband’s birthday as well so we all had fun with a little cake cutting ceremony. When you are fighting with vaginismus and if you are reading this, you would feel that all you cared about was treatment and all these extra things dont matter. But trust me guys i was there too but after coming here and after meeting them, i realize that how important these lil things matter to your life. we are all in such a rush in our busy work lives that we tend to miss out the happiness in lil things throughout our journey. Reminds me of one day in the past where i told my husband, i’am not getting out of that bed without having intercourse and obviously i had failed coz i had no idea about what this vaginusmus really was. And thats definitely not how this works. you cant time it that ok now i’am going to have intercourse and il be done. I starved the whole day following night and next day morning. That sounds crazy but yes there had been number of crazy days like these in the past.  Its just been 2 days here and what a difference there is between the monday evening and this wednesday evening.  Its unbelievable how, coming here has changed my perspective towards vaginismus and its cure.

Today is our 3rd day which is also the final day ‘n i’am so confident that i’am only going to progress from here on. There is no going back from here. I’am going to beat this vaginismus to death….lol…. Will keep you all posted on the day3 progress! :):):)

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