[pianochica]

Katie,

I’ve really kind of avoided and not bothered with this site but Dr. Pacik sent me your post and I just really felt like I needed to tell you my story. I had (have?) Lamont level 5 vaginismus. My husband Chris and I had saved ourselves for each other so the honeymoon was confusing. We thought we just were kinda dumb and we’d figure sex out eventually. Thankfully, we didn’t worry for several weeks so our honeymoon didn’t have any drama from vaginismus. I saw a doctor that just told me I “had some issues I just needed to get over” and had called my parents to tell them his ‘diagnosis’. So I had no support from family and my husband was even more confused than I was though he was trying to be loving and understanding.

Finally I saw on YouTube, a video of a woman sharing her story about vaginismus, and found out about Dr. Pacik. Chris and I had tried some more conventional therapies and I really felt like Dr. Pacik was our last hope. When I had my surgery, I was with another girl, Ashlee, who is my age and I watched her progress so well those few days…. but I was having major pain and kept digressing with the dilators. Even now, I cry thinking about how terrible I felt and that this was it. I kept trying to use the dilators for a few weeks, but it just kept getting worse physically and I was drowning emotionally. After two weeks, I stopped trying to use the dilators, feeling like it just wasn’t any use.

Chris and I tried everything we could think of the next few months… to no avail. I felt like trying so hard started to push us apart – push me away and make me feel like an object. Nothing was working and we finally gave up trying.

About 5 or 6 months later, and 11 months after the operation, we were enjoying our sex life better and not pushing so hard to try to get to intercourse that we became that much more comfortable. It took a lot of comfortability and creativity but it was fun. Last May (11 months post-operation), Chris started trying to penetrate with his finger. I thought it would be weird to ask him to try that but he liked it for some reason …. I guess guys just like touching no matter how they do it.. ? 🙂 Anyway, he didn’t get in at all the first several times and then not that far in for quite a while after that, but I tried to be very communicative about what I was feeling and what I was okay with and he became really good at responding and learning when to back off. So eventually, my body became more relaxed with his finger around my vagina. When his finger did finally start to get inside it did really hurt, but I just kept remembering the dilators and how it only hurts for that first little while and then it just slips right in. It took a lot of playtime to finally get his finger all the way inside of me, but we just kept playing and practicing. After several weeks, he finally got in all the way and did it a few times the next few days. After a while, the pleasure was more pronounced than any discomfort I felt. Then we started trying intercourse. That was kind of the same process that it took several weeks and it really did hurt at first but that I just kept thinking about the part where the dilators just slip in. After a while, we finally achieved intercourse! – over a year after the operation. Again, the first little while, it hurt and some days were (and are) better than others.

One thing – one of the most important things – that I’ve learned through this is that you really have to balance the physical and the emotional. When we had the most success is when we were both feeling good and comfortable with the sex life we had, even though intercourse was impossible. Just be creative. When you both feel good emotionally about each other, you will be able to relax better – something that is crucial! Chris and I often said (and still sometimes say) to each other is “No expectations”. Focus on enjoying each other for what you have and in time, the rest will follow when you are comfortable trying. Don’t lose sight of the love you share. That’s why you have sex – to fully express and share in that love that goes so much deeper than sex or intercourse.

I don’t really get on here much, but if you want to talk more, you can email me. pianochica@gmail.com
I wish the best for you, Katie!

With love,
Jaime

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