[cfaye]

Vibrators don’t do anything for me during dilating. It just makes it worse, I feel. It’s like I’m being teased and not in a good way.

I’m just not going to bother any more.

[cfaye]

I’ve never even tried to have sex, because I’m so turned off due to having to dilate. I don’t even do it often any more. This is the worst thing that has ever happened to me. Sorry 🙁

[cfaye]

I am so turned off by sex due to the dilating. I don’t like that it’s such a procedure to even have painless sex. I hate that when the time comes I’ll have to “schedule” my intimate moments. So much infact, that I’m looking into getting my tubes tied so I don’t get pregnant.

Sorry for the lack of updates Dr. Pacik, I’m doing well and have no pain on #5 and #6. I always transition to 6 via #5 and there is no pain. If I try to do #6 by itself it hurts and is uncomfortable.

[cfaye]

I went to my family doctor to renew my birth control pills the other day. That was fine, but they wanted to do a revamp of my history so I got the usual run down of questions, etc. My mum booked the appointment, and one of the things they would normally do is a pap-test, but because guidelines change here so often, one of the things that wasn’t required for me was a test. Now, I told the doctor what I had done, so I requested a speculum test, as I went prepared with a dilator. This [resident] doctor didn’t seem to know what vaginismus was, let alone how to pronounce it, so I probably came across really grumpy to her when I was having it done. (Makes me want to become an OBGYN)

I took the dilator out right before we did the speculum test, but I had a full blown panic attack right before she tried to insert it. I instantly had a flashback from the previous two failed attempts, and that is what scared me. I also think because they are shaped differently than the dilators is another reason I was freaked out. The only time I’ve ever had a speculum used on me was when Dr. Pacik was performing my procedure.

The speculum test turned out to be fine in the end, because I didn’t feel it go in.

I am not the least bit pleased about how ignorant some people can be when it comes to this condition. So upsetting.

[cfaye]

Things are going very well. I can use the biggest dilator with no issues. When I use #4 for the overnight, I often forget I have it in!

[cfaye]

I don’t have anxiety, and the pain is mostly related to the burning of the muscles from stretching anyway. Usually during the initial insertion period I pull it out quickly because it takes me by surprise, but the second insertion is always fine and then I waddle around like a penguin for a few minutes until it situates itself.

[cfaye]

CeeGee – I had a family member pay for it instead of getting a loan under my name. My dad paid, but he also did not want to have to discuss vaginas either. It’s always a good way to scare a dad! To answer you question, I am in Ontario also.

And Dr. Pacik – thanks. I never really was a good student when it came to written homework. It is being done and I can comfortably wear #5 (glass) without it giving me the pain like the silicon one did before I had the procedure. I love the glass ones and the silicon ones are only used if I am dilating during a shower.

[cfaye]

I had my procedure done on Jan 14 and it went swimmingly.

Unfortunately for the daily log bit, my Microsoft word hates me and I am logging with pen and paper until I can type it up and send it along to Dr. Pacik.

I also started my period right after the procedure (about two days after) so that slowed down the dilation process a bit for me because I didn’t like how it felt. But I am so glad to have had this treatment!!!!!!

[cfaye]

Thanks for that, but I’m not going to go down that route.

I applied for an all-purpose loan through my bank. I may get shot if I am approved, but I don’t care. I’m getting this procedure done ASAP.

[cfaye]

Thanks for the reply.

I am in Canada and our government (universal) health insurance wont cover it because it’s out of country… and it’s too much paper work to even get it considered. I want to get a loan, but I can’t find any medical financing places that offer out of country elective surgeries over here.

I went to a gynecologist and she diagnosed me with vaginismus, and I kind of figured that’s what it was before when I tried to have sex and get pap tests and failed. I thought it was just because I had a “small” vagina. She discharged me when I went to school, so I haven’t had “treatment” (which was barely anything to begin with) since then. I went to another OBGYN and he said something like Dr. Pacik’s procedure could potentially make it worse (somehow I doubt that), and I was annoyed because he said to use the dilators. I do. I have them. But this one size right now stings to sleep with it in and I can’t sit down properly.

I want this procedure so badly but since no one knows what it’s like; it’s harder to get any positive support…even from my mum. And often times when I bring it up, I start crying and she gets mad at me. I keep telling her it’s not fair, but she doesn’t think it’s a priority because she says sex “is nothing special.” I usually get really mad at this point and say “well at least your vagina WORKS and can have sex.” I would rather kill myself then not be able to have this treated. I never go out to meet people or hang out with my guy friends because I don’t want anything to happen.

I think about it on a nightly basis and how I don’t know how long it will take to have this procedure. I want it done within the next year, and I know it will improve how I feel after I get treated.

I just wish I could do it right now.

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