Vaginismus with No Support and No Money

[ArabellaGato]

Hello! I am new here but I have my issues and I really need help.

I recently turned 17 and suspect that I have vaginismus. I am not diagnosed with it, as I have never been to an OBGYN and my pediatrician insists that any feminine problems I bring up are “normal.”

I have the usual stuff. I cannot place tampons or anything smaller in my vagina, aroused or not. I have masturbated and cannot achieve any form of penetration, the only part I can touch without discomfort is the clitoris. Using a mirror I have examined myself while aroused and unaroused, and find that it doesn’t even look like I have an opening. I have to grab and pull at the sides to stretch it out so you can hardly see a small, tightly closed slit, and only if you try really hard to see it.

Things would be simple, but my family is my problem. i have talked to my mother about seeing an OBGYN many times and she just does not help me gind a doctor or appointment. I explained the problem to her, and she said that I am “just a virgin.” She wasn’t aware of vaginismus until I explained it to her and she still seemed… Unconvinced of its legitimacy.

I have health insurance, but it expires when I turn 18. My family lives paycheck to paycheck and I’m young, so once I turn 18 I’ll have even less opportunity.
This isn’t my only feminine issue, I have period cramps that are intense enough to disable me completely (one thing my doctor called “normal”.)

As far as personal history, I’ve had some trauma. My genetic mother (the one I refer to above is my step mother) used to physically and verbally abuse me, bruising my body, pushing me to the ground, telling me I am worthless and a mistake, etc. She died when I was 13, and after her death my father basically abandoned me, leaving me alone in the house and dropping off food once a week. He has also touched me in sexual ways (pinned me to a wall, grabbed my butt) and threatened me while drunken.

Outside of family, my first girlfriend attempted to rape me. I got away, somehow, but it still weighs on my mind.

What can someone like me do? I have a boyfriend of a year and a half but we rarely see each other outside of classes, due to my family not allowing me out of the house much.

Thank you sincerely for any help or ideas.

[Dr. Pacik]

This is a tough one, yet many are in your shoes. I think you have had enough trauma that some counseling would be important to feel more centered.
I tell my patients pick up my book “When Sex Seems Impossible…” give it to your mother or Dad and simply say “Please read it, this is me”. Often you do not need to speak another word.
You still have a year before your turn 18 so you should make every attempt to get through this. Thanks for posting.