Vaginismus at 18

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    Hello everybody!

    I’m 18 years old, and I’ve been suffering from vaginismus for nearly three years.

    I’m not a virgin, because I had sexual intercourse a few times before it happened. At the time, I never felt I was “too tight” or anything, even if I had to try at least three times before I could be penetrated during my first time. I did it around 5 times with this boy, who left me a month after we did it. I was really heartbroken, because I trusted him, and he just left without saying anything, and I knew what it meant. I only was his sextoy.

    Then, a few months later, I dated another guy, who was completely inexperienced (I can’t say I was either), and who had his first time with me. The thing is, his penis was very large, and he thought foreplay was useless. So, when I told him it actually was important, he didn’t listen to me and immediately tried to penetrate me. Of course, as I was dry, it was really painful. After a few tries, he eventually listened to me, and it worked. But then, whenever we tried, my muscles were tensed at first; however, as he understood what role foreplay had, we simply took our time, and it worked again.

    I broke up with this guy a few months after, because I simply wasn’t in love anymore, and he was quite violent (he hit me once, but I hit back). Everytime I tried to leave him, he threatened me and said he would kill himself. Being weak at the time, I stayed. But I started to fall in love with another boy, who was my bestfriend, and after I got rid of my ex, we dated and tried to do it. Impossible. Even with long foreplay. Impossible. It burnt, and even a finger was unbearable. Then, he broke up with me.

    I tried with other boys, but it never worked. I always ended up crying in pain, and it burnt for hours. Then, last year, my first boyfriend and I got back together for a few weeks. We tried to do it again, but I thought it wouldn’t work. It hurt at first, but he was really gentle (I never remembered him being violent, or blaming me if I wasn’t in the mood). He did everything for me to relax – I didn’t believe it would work, but it actually did! And so, we had sexual intercourse. I cried after it, being relieved that it was over.

    But nuh-huh. We only had sex this time, because I prefered to break up with him, fearing to suffer like I did. However, we remained friends, and he knows about my problem. I’ve tried with my recent boyfriend, but nothing would work. Even if he was as gentle as the other boy, nothing worked. I ended up crying more than once, and I still can’t do it. Fingers are even more unbearable.

    I would like to enjoy sexual intercourse like all my friends around me, but I feel like I’m not allowed to. And it’s very frustrating. I’ve seen two doctors to talk about it, and one of them just told me “Drink wine before you try”. I never went back to her surgery.

    I don’t know what to do anymore. My mother knows about it but didn’t know it could be possible. I can’t afford dilatators sets to overcome vaginismus. I’m afraid of seeing doctors now, because I’m scared they might not even know how to deal with it.

    I need help. I need you.
    Tell me about your personal experience, tell me about things I can do to overcome it and enjoy my sexuality.

    Thank you for reading all this 🙂


    Hi TwistyLucy. Welcome to the Forum and thank you for your post. I am so, so sorry for your struggles with vaginismus. I too had vaginismus all during my 20s and into my early 30s. At the time, I told no one except my then boyfriend/now husband and it was very lonely and isolating condition. I don’t want anyone to ever feel like I did then and want you to know that you have my support 100%. During my 20s, I tried to use the dilators from along with the workbook and could never make it past the step of being able to insert a q-tip or the smallest sized tampon which did not work d/t burning pain. Post-procedure, I was able to insert dilators for the first time ever and then my husband and also have exams, all things that I never ever ever thought would be possible. I’ve used both the Pure Romance dilator set as well as the Pacik Glass ones and like them both. The Pure Romance ones are great b/c they’re a softer silicone material and have handles which makes them easier to insert and remove. They also have many, many different sizes. I also really like the Pacik Glass ones b/c they, too, have the handles and they are shorter in length so you don’t feel them as much and can do other things with them in. I want to share the link for the second issue of the VaginismusMD Newsletter that discusses all-things dilating. Specific topics include: Styles and Materials of Dilators, Getting Started with Dilation (includes information on ordering dilator set), Anxiety Control, Advanced Dilation Techniques, and Transitioning to Intercourse. also used a combination of Lidocaine/Surgilube as a lubricant on the dilators. I liberally used this and it made beginning insertion much more doable.I think a good step would be saving up for the dilators as this helped me so, so, so much to overcome. I hope all of this helps and, again, please know that I’m here for you and send my support.

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