STINKIN THINKIN

[23years]

Sooooo, although I said I lit a fire on the seeds of doubt so they wouldn’t grow, I’d be lying if I didn’t say that my horrible brain keeps popping up with what I’m gonna affectionately call, “Stinkin’ Thinkin'”. What is that you ask? You know, the thoughts that go like this, “Most people on this forum are primary vaginismus. I have secondary. What if secondary is much harder to treat?”…..and, “What if I pay all this money, go up to NH, go through all the emotions, and wake up from surgery with Dr Pacik telling me its all in my head, that all these awful medical professionals were right. I’m broken and I’m never gonna be better”…… And “What if this doesn’t work for me?”……”How will I cope after all these years, after opening up to everyone I kept this secret from, who ask me how I did? How will I tell them I failed?”

Why do we do this to ourselves? Why do our brains tell us such negative thoughts? Have most people had these same thoughts? I read people who get excited. I mean “I” get excited for them! But I can’t imagine allowing myself to be excited. I fear the waves of disappointment. Talk to me ladies, tell me what this is all about and how each of you coped with these thoughts…. Any advice is appreciated.

[Heather34]

Hi 23yrs. I felt so many of the same feelings you describe. I was convinced it would never ever work for me and no matter how many times others said it would (i.e. my hubby, Dr. Pacik, etc.), it took me actually going through it to finally believe it. I just seriously know that everything will go very, very well for you and please know you are not alone with any of these feelings as I felt so similar prior to my own procedure 3 years ago on 6/27/11.

I also wanted to share a wonderful post from May of 2014 from Sarah:

“I just have to share; My husband and I were able to have completely pain free intercourse last night; 36 days after treatment! 😀 I have been able to dilate pain free with minimal anxiety levels for a while now but needed to catch up emotionally. We watched a few Sensate focus videos and went from there, the plan was to have tip only intercourse but when I had no pain we progressed to full penetration and then added thrusting. I can not believe it actually happened! I have secondary vaginismus and with hindsight I realise that I was worried that things wouldn’t be the same as before when we had a ‘normal’ sex life, but everything was better, I think because we were more aware of each other and took things slowly. I am so thankful to Dr Pacik and his amazing team. Also to the community on here, I may not post much but reading the comments gets me through when I am having a tough day or just need advise so thank you all.”

Please know we are all here for you and I just know everything is going to go so well with your upcoming procedure in June. Sending hugs!!!!

[Dr. Pacik]

One of the first questions I hear as a patient is waking up from treatment is “Did you find something wrong?” They too have heard too frequently “It’s all in your head”. Yes, all of my patients demonstrate pathology that is managed at the time of treatment. The problem is not with the head it is with the vagina.

[23years]

Dr P you make me want to laugh and cry at the same time. Your words are so heartfelt and you just “get it”. I wish others would listen and learn from you and not be so quick to jump to conclusions about who you are or what you stand for. I’ve seen Janet’s words too all over the forum and I believe she also gets it and isn’t afraid to share from her own experiences as well and that brings a “humanness” to the sterile cold practice of medicine that too many of us have been accustomed to experiencing. You know, I once had the blessing of counseling a physician who was struggling with diabetic neuropathy. So awful was his daily pain that he had contemplated suicide. On one occasion, I questioned him light hearted, “Is it true what they say that Doctors make the worst patients?” He paused and then responded very seriously when he replied, “No…. but…. I didn’t know how hard it was to be a patient…. Until….. I became one.” Profound and so true that “most” physicians can practice some sympathy but true empathy comes only from physicians that allow themselves to get involved with their patients to the extent that they are not objects but people with human emotions and life challenges. I believe you get that…

[23years]

Heather

Thank you for your kind words and wisdom. You are a true blessing to all of us who are fighting the battle. Hugs to you ~

[Heather34]

Thank you for the hugs 23yrs. I absolutely love reading all of your posts so much and can’t wait for you along with the other June gals to receive this excellent treatment. We all deserve it and my husband and I still thank God every single day that we found Dr. Pacik and had this procedure as it was the cure we searched for 11+ years for. It was also right in our back yard as we live right outside of Boston!!! :):):)

[missa05200]

I have the same thoughts and feelings as you do 23yrs. I also have secondary vaginismus. I’ve had pain since January and it’s awful. I feel like I’ll never get better and this is just how it’s going to be. I’m new at this forum. My dr just told me about Dr. P yesterday. Have you had or considering the botox 23yrs?

[23years]

Hello welcome and I am also a 23 year secondary vaginismus sufferer who had the Botox procedure on June 30th of this year. Twenty days later, I was able to have pain free intercourse; I realized the pain was on the “inside” not the outside. I learned this discomfort from wearing jeans, trying to ride a bike or sit on the edge of a couch or chair was due to the muscle and not anything else.

I guess you could say I am “cured” just I hate to use that word because its not that easy, as we all have to catch up mentally to what’s going on physically and dilation therapy is ongoing. But I’m overcoming and I owe such a great deal to Dr Pacik.

He rocks!