Re-connecting after vaginismus
November 3, 2013 at 9:57 pm #9036Heather34Moderator
Hi ladies. In a prior post, one of the Forum members asked an excellent question:
“What if the procedure does work, but there’s no spark/emotional connection left and we end up divorcing anyway because hubby decides he still can’t handle this anymore?”
This is a very good question. While every single relationship/marriage is different, vaginismus certainly impacts relationships. I always felt very close and supported by my hubby throughout our journey but the condition made me personally feel so many different emotions (i.e. sad, depressed, anxious about the future, worried all the time as my thoughts were consumed with it, etc.) and this, in turn, affected him very much. He always said it didn’t bother him the most that we couldn’t have actual intercourse b/c we both enjoyed intimacy through oral sex, but what bothered him so much was seeing it tear me apart all the time (i.e. crying, upset at failed treatments, etc.) and he felt frustrated that he didn’t know how to resolve it. Once we were able to have intercourse, I felt like a huge weight was lifted and I was no longer consumed with thoughts of vaginismus. However, it took us both time to go from sex-is-functional to sex-is-pleasurable and something fun that we both look forward to. It really was a journey in which we discovered new things about one another and we made time for date nights knowing that it would end with intercourse and both looking fwd to it instead of dreading it. We also have had so much fun with using toys together, wearing costumes, and just enjoying this part of our marriage that had always been a struggle in the past. While we didn’t attend sex counseling post-procedure, I believe that this can be extremely helpful and a great way of talking/communicating with one another and learning ways of getting this spark/emotional connection back following vaginismus. Dr. Pacik covers this on day 2 of the treatment program and discusses ways of reconnecting to one another post-procedure and this is very, very helpful. I think the thing that helped us to reconnect the most after vaginismus was 1) making time for date nights which we knew would include intimacy and 2) having fun with intimacy in the form of toys, costumes, etc. so we both began to really look fwd to this time together. Ladies, what has helped you to re-connect to your husband/partner following vaginismus?
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