Newbie Introduction

[Firenze13]

Hi everyone,

I meant to introduce myself on this board much earlier but time slipped away from me. It’s hard to believe my procedure is coming up this Tuesday !!! Reading everyone’s experience has been very helpful for me and it has also helped to know that everyone is going through the same fears (I also keep thinking I’ll be the one that fails!).

I’ll try and keep this relatively short, but I’ve been in a serious relationship for 5 years and have never been able to have sex (He’s been very supportive throughout all of this). Before that, I always think I felt I had vaginismus on some level (even before I technically knew the name) because I could not insert a tampon when I was a teenager and never could have a full gyn exam because of my anxiety (locking of the legs, crying, sweating, etc…).

I’ve been going to physical therapy since 2010 and have only progressed to the 4th dilator and in the past few months have been regressing back and forth between the third and fourth. Stalling on the dilators is what finally pushed me to take the next step of botox. I have been considering it for a long time but hearing that this has been the answer for so many people motivated me to take the next step. I think the emotional weight of going through this for so many years also helped me make the final decision.

I’m getting pretty anxious leading up to everything, and in additional to the physical aspect, I’m worried about overcoming everything mentally and finally getting rid of all of my anxiety! I tried therapy a couple of different times over the years but I never seemed to get anywhere with it.

Thanks to everyone for sharing their experiences! I’ll definitely update post-procedure and will probably post again before because I’m sure I’ll need reassurance 🙂

[kaylee]

Hi Ferenzie13,

I’m also new to the forum and in fact I have yet not introduced myself. I’m considering the treatment myself right now and I feel scared to think about but it scares me more to go another month with this problem. I discovered I had vag about six months ago but like you I think I’ve had it for a few years on some level. I just want to commend you for being so brave and getting help. I wish you the best of luck and I have faith that like all the women before you will also succeed :).Please share all details with me throughout your whole experience as i’m sure it will help me tremendously. I hope to be as brave like you in a few weeks and get the help I need.

[Allie]

Hi Firenze13! I had my procedure on October 23rd and it was the BEST decision I ever made. Congrats on your upcoming procedure, I remember feeling SO nervous and thinking that I will be the one that fails. You will be surprised at how smoothly and easy everything goes! Thats great that you have been doing physical therapy, that means you are already familiar with the dilators. I could not even insert a q-tip before my procedure and now I am dilating with the big dilators with ZERO pain. I am 80 days post procedure and my husband and I are finally able to enjoy a pain free sex life after almost 6 years!

You mentioned you are nervous about overcoming mentally and the anxiety that comes along with that. If you read some of my past posts I dealt with horrible anxiety after my procedure. I am doing much better now, but I think that the fact that you are aware that you will still need to catch up mentally where you will be physically is a huge deal in itself. Lean on your partner and talk about your anxiety and how you are feeling during treatment and after. What you are going through is a big deal and having anxiety is totally normal. Learning how to move past it is different for each person, but I promise you that you will be able to move past it.

Trust Dr. Pacik and his staff. Believe me when I say that they are AMAZING. You are going to do wonderful. I look forward to reading your updates! Believe in your self. You can and you will overcome this battle! All of us on the forum are here to encourage you and help you along the way. If you want to email me and ask me any questions that would be totally fine with me! I will be praying and rooting for you!!!

Allie 🙂

[Nakitalab]

Hi Firenze13, I’m so excited for you! You are in the best hands possible with Dr. Pacik and his team! I had Vaginismus for over 32 years and am so thrilled to say that I can have sex with my husband with zero pain! I am still a work in progress as I need my mind to catch up to the awesome progress that my body has made. You will be in my prayers and I can’t wait to hear about your progress! I’m so glad that you found this Forum and Dr. Pacik as they are truly a blessing to so many of us women who suffer with Vaginismus!

[Firenze13]

Thanks so much for your responses and support! It honestly doesn’t even feel real that I could finally overcome this. Just last weekend, I was at dinner with a few girlfriends and they were all talking about sex and I just had to sit there and pretend. None of my girlfriends know, and I’m just so tired of not feeling normal. Kaylee – I’ll be happy to to keep you updated on how everything goes. It’s been a big rollercoaster for me the past few weeks. Some days, I feel really brave and know that this will be the answer for me and some days (like today), I’m feeling very emotional about the thought of failing, for both me and my boyfriend. Nakitalab or Allie, can I email one of you to chat about the details of the procedure? It might put my mind at ease a bit.

[Heather34]

Hi Ferenze! Welcome to the Forum and thank you for your post. Huge CONGRATS on your upcoming procedure Tuesday and I KNOW it is going to go so, so well. I, too, was absolutely certain that I would be the one patient that this procedure would not work for. I also was so nervous prior that I got sick in the car on the drive from Boston to Manchester with my hubby. I went through with it, however, with his support and it was the best decision of our life. Within 1 week, we were able to have pain-free intercourse for the first time in our relationship/5 year marriage. What’s so important to know is that Dr. Pacik and all of the staff will be right there to support both you and your partner on Tuesday and throughout. Prior to my own procedure, I was also given IV Verced (anti-anxiety) medication and this helped to significantly reduce my anxiety. I then remember waking up with the dilator in place and, for the first time, feeling like something was able to be inside of me pain-free and I wasn’t broken. It’s an amazing feeling since prior to the procedure, I could never insert a q-tip without the fear/pain response. I then spent the day practicing inserting, removing, and re-inserting the dilators right along with my husband, who was in awe that it was now pain-free post-procedure. I assure you that this procedure is going to go so, so, so well for you and be life-changing in so many ways! We are all here to support you and I can’t wait to read more of your posts!!

[Allie]

Janet messaged you my email. 🙂

[Nakitalab]

Firenze13 you most definitely can e-mail me. I will let Janet know. :0)

[Allie]

I enjoyed emailing with you today! Good luck tomorrow! You are going to do amazing!!!! 🙂

[Heather34]

Hi Ferenze! I wanted to wish you and the other gals for tomorrow well and I KNOW you will do so, so good and this procedure will be life-changing in so many ways!!!!

I just wrote earlier, another very, very cool part of this treatment program was meeting another women who also had vaginismus and sharing this time in Dr. Pacik’s office and encouraging and supporting each other through it. This was another thing that I will be honest with you about that I was so, so anxious about prior to. I had never even spoken to another person who had this condition. Could there really be others out there with it? At first, I was so shy in meeting her and, by the end of our time in NH, I am so, so fortunate to have met her. We completely opened up to each other and both supported each other and it was an excellent experience all around. We still keep in touch to this day and her support to me during this time was invaluable.

All of you are going to do so, so well tomorrow and are in wonderful care with Dr. Pacik and his staff. From the moment my husband and I arrived, we felt very comfortable and every single person in the office makes even the most anxious of patients (i.e. me in the past) calm and is so, so supportive. Can’t wait to read your posts!!!