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    Hi everyone, my name is Annie. I’m 28 and have been married for almost a year. My husband and I waited until our wedding night for intercourse. We, of course, were totally unable and I blamed in on stress. We kept tying and it never worked. So I recently went to see my OB/GYN and I wasn’t shocked when she was unable to perform a pelvic exam. Even a finger tip felt so uncomfortable. She told me my only option was to do the pelvic exam under anesthesia. She told me that she suspects vaginusmus and that she has a patient that has been in treatment for almost a year. I must have cried in my car for an hour. Everything about what she said was devastating. All I kept thinking is that I will never have children. I was also disappointed to learn that it could take more than a year to fix this problem. It was the worst news I could have received. I refuse to go under anesthesia unless it’s going to fix the problem. I’m not willing to take that risk only to find out what I already know. This has to be vaginismus. I’ve always been squeamish about my lady parts. I have never been abused sexually in any way. I’m afraid to find out how painful it might be so I clench up.

    They say that this is a psychological/physical problem which makes it seem more hopeless. I’ve never been responsive to therapy and I don’t think I could commit to doing pelvic floor muscle exercises. It just seems like so much work to do something so natural. I feel like there should be an FDA approved way to physically go in there and fix this. I’ve been very depressed about it and keep putting pressure on myself. I have even looked into adoption because I feel so strongly that I won’t have children. I feel like my body is sabotaging me and I’m being punished for waiting. I can’t believe this is happening.

    I’m happy to learn that there are some procedures that work but I wish they were more safe. I know Botox can be very dangerous. My main focus is having a baby. I’ll deal with the pleasure end of things later. I’m not sure if I’m even fertile and I don’t feel like I have 1-3 years to spend on treatment that might not even work.

    Thanks for listening. Nobody in my life would understand.


    I’m also confused by my GYN’s recommendation for a pelvic exam under anesthesia. Won’t it still be blocked down there with or without sedation? How will they be able to perform an exam while my muscles are in spasm? Does the anesthesia relax the muscles? If so, what is the need for botox in Dr. Pacik’s procedure? Why not just insert a dialator under anesthesia without botox??? Wouldn’t it work the same way? I’d be more comfortable doing it that way. Just curious.


    Annie —

    As you’ll notice by reading other stories on this Forum, you are not alone. Unfortunately, vaginismus is a very real condition, & something that often comes as a “surprise” to women and their partners. (It was to us. We were just like you —- waited for our honeymoon — penetration from Day 1 til now – nearly 2 years in – absolutely impossible.) Of course, it’s normal to feel disappointed by your body. It’s a natural form of the whole grieving process. (Why me, right?)

    But, unlike some other health “surprises” that come with less-than-favorable outcomes, vaginismus CAN be treated. Yes, it may take some rather dramatic and unconventional methods, but women/couples worldwide have found sexual health through Dr. Pacik and his team. (His success rate of over 90% is quite remarkable. ) If dilation on your own does not work (& – based on your description above – it does not sound like it will), we are fortunate that Dr. Pacik has developed his Botox / dilation-under-anesthesia / counseling system.

    (So in the end, given all the tragedy that oft’ happens on this planet, we must find ourselves asking: why not me, right? )

    Over the past few months, my husband and I have communicated with numerous of Dr. Pacik’s patients and their spouses. What joyous accounts! We are now cautiously optimistic that Dr.Pacik’s methodology and his team will be able to treat us, too. I am scheduled for his treatment this coming week, and I will be happy to share our “results” with you in this Forum in the days and weeks to come.

    Oh, one other final note with regard to having a baby…. My husband and I completely understand your desire to have a child. (We are 43 and 39 — and share a similar desire. Like you, we do not know if we are fertile, either. One thing at a time, I suppose. ) Regardless — I would just suggest that consummating your marriage and entering into full intimacy with your husband is also important, perhaps just as important, as working on conception. Becoming sexually healthy (and doing the work necessary to become whole) is a gift that you will give your husband, and a gift that he will give you. I know over the past few years I have grown to minimize this piece of our marital puzzle (mostly ignored it), but – as we approach our procedure – I am now daring to see how vital this aspect of our marriage might become.

    Please be assured that you will be in our thoughts and prayers as you consider the next steps of your marital journey…

    Peace & Good Health … Catherine

    P.S. — One final suggestion —- You might wish to order and read Dr. Pacik’s book – When Sex Seems Impossible. It answered just about all of our questions – emotional, technical, medical, etc. It’s available for order via the website and also through


    Hi Annie. Welcome to the forum and thank you so much for posting. As Catherine said, please know that you are not alone with this at all and have all of our support 100%. I had my Botox procedure with Dr. Pacik last June and it was seriously the best decision that my husband and I have ever made. Prior to the procedure, I felt so hopeless that I would ever find a cure for this and also felt very alone with all of my thoughts and feelings as my husband and I were the only ones who knew that I had vaginismus. Once I found Dr. Pacik, I was so excited that I could finally have found the cure for this condition but I was also very nervous about the procedure and whether it would work for me or not. I also had so many of the same questions as you.

    Prior to my procedure, I thoroughly researched the safety of Botox for vaginismus. In my profession, I conduct extensive research and writing and treated this in the exact same way, really studying all of the ways in which it is safe. Going into my procedure last June, my husband and I were both 100% confident in the safety of this procedure. Here is an excellent link from Dr. Pacik that discusses the safety of Botox for vaginismus:

    I also wanted to respond to your question about dilation only as a treatment for vaginismus. Dr. Pacik has addressed this in the below blog that I would encourage you to read:

    I can’t attest to how well this would work for you or any future patients as I had the Botox procedure for vaginismus. I, personally, know that this wouldn’t have worked for me as I had the Pacik level 5 vaginismus (most severe) and could not even insert a q-tip prior to the procedure. It automatically caused this fear/pain response and was impossible despite all of my attempts. This is why I know that, again, for me personally, I could never succeed with physical therapy or self-dilating alone. Physically, the Botox worked to weaken my muscles to allow successful and continued dilation. Psychologically, once I woke up with the largest dilator in place and knew that it was inside of me, didn’t hurt, and I could successfully re-insert it, I know longer automatically anticipated pain with penetration. It seriously flipped a switch for me and I never experienced this fear/pain response again.

    Finally, in your Intro, you mentioned your disappointment in learning that it could take more than a year to fix vaginismus. The good news is that it will not take this long at all. Within 7 days of my procedure last June, my husband and I were able to make love for the first time in our 5-year marriage. One year later, and we’re still in shock that it worked so well and so fast as we waited for so long to find a cure for this condition. Now, July 4th will always be incredibly special for the two of us and such a day for celebration!!!

    Please write back with any questions at all and I look forward to reading your posts.


    Thank you everyone! Is it safe to attempt pregnancy once you are able to have sex after this procedure? I have the dilators but I know they won’t work. I really just wanted to try them to see if I could beat this without “surgery”. Nobody really wants to need surgery for a problem like this. I’m relieved to know that it seems to work well for most women. I just wish there was FDA approval and more research to validate its safety.


    Annie —

    Just a quick note — Dr. Pacik’s procedure has received FDA approval. I will write more about my experience / procedure (6/12) in a separate post.

    You might wish to research Botox in general, as you will see find many studies demonstrating its safety. — Catherine


    One other note re pregnancy —

    While Botox is very safe, you never know exactly what the effects a drug might have on a developing child. Naturally, there could be an outside chance of congenital anomolies (sp), althought there is NO official link or study linking Botox to birth defects.

    Keep in mind — Botox only remains in your system for three to four months. With that timeline in mind, Dr. Pacik recommends using protection during the four months following your procedure. However, he h
    as had patients conceive during that period, and these women have given birth to perfectly healthy babies.

    Hope this helps!

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