My Partner has a Sexual Pain Condition – What do I need to know?

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    Hi guys. I recently came across an excellent article from the National Vulvodynia Association (NVA). While your partner may have the condition of vaginismus and not vulvodynia, sections of this article may also be helpful in coping with this condition too.

    Excerpts from the article include:

    “Even if you feel frustrated by your inability to lessen your partner’s pain, you can still make a big difference by being supportive and reassuring your partner that you will face the situation together. Your participation is critical to your partner’s emotional well-being and to the health of your relationship. Although it is slowly starting to change, conditions affecting a woman’s genital area are not openly discussed. As a result, many women feel ashamed and embarrassed that they have this condition. Although it may be difficult to imagine what your partner is experiencing, you can still be a willing listener and encourage her to seek effective treatment. Educating yourself about the condition and treatment is essential. Learning about it equips you to discuss treatment options with your partner and her health care providers. You can advocate for your partner by accompanying her to medical appointments. If you offer to accompany her and she declines, that’s okay. Your offer will mean a lot to her. If you do accompany her, it’s up to the two of you to decide what role you will play. For example, you may choose not to be present during the physical examination, but participate afterwards when the clinicians discuss the findings. Since healthcare professionals are sometimes rushed, you can help your partner develop a list of questions before the appointment and make sure they are answered during the visit. By participating at medical visits, you can help your partner recall information and better equip both of you to discuss treatment options. Finally, because the condition often impacts sexual relationships, many sufferers need reassurance from their partner that they are still loved. It is a critical time to show your affection by leaving a sweet note, sending a mid-day e-mail or bring home flowers.”

    As always, I encourage your comments and feedback here and hope this helps.


    In addition to this article, I think some useful posts to print and share with your partner include real-life testimonials from husbands and partners who witnessed the spasms and pain associated with vaginismus first-hand.

    “Dr. Pacik and his staff provided me with a set of surgical scrubs and invited me into the operating room. Before being placed under general anesthesia, Dr. Pacik allowed me to see and feel Olivia’s spasms. Then again once she was fully under anesthesia, to see that the spasms were still present. The value of this experience was immeasurable and allowed me to learn that primary vaginismus was a completely physical barrier and not a mental barrier for Olivia.”

    “My wife just went through the Botox procedure with Dr. Pacik. I was with her the whole time. As Dr. Pacik recommended, I went into the OR with her while he gave her injections. I really got to see that what she was going through (vaginismus) was not a conscious decision. Her body just did it automatically.”

    “Hello everyone. I would like to start by thanking Dr. Pacik, his staff and most of all my beautiful fiancee for being a strong woman and going through with the procedure. In the beginning of this problem, I wasn’t a strong believer of the procedure. I didn’t believe it till I finally saw it with my own eyes this past weekend. I saw what “Vaginismus” really is. I witnessed how my fiancee was put under with enough anesthesia to do knee surgery on a 250 pound man, and her vagina was still going into spasms. Dr. Pacik asked that I try to put my finger in her vagina but it was impossible. I didn’t understand how this was even possible. During that moment I felt this pain in my heart and felt horrible for not understanding how she felt the many times we tried and failed. Every attempt we would end up upset for not being able to make love. I want to encourage any couple suffering from Vaginismus to please consider taking this treatment. My fiancee is next to me as i type this with the pink dialater in place. She went from not even a small q-tip to a midsize dialater in hours. We are so happy we found Dr Pacik and his staff. We are forever greatful we live in a time where Dr Pacik is available to treat us. I have no words to describe how others feel,who have been dealing with this for years! Take a chance and look into it. What do you have to lose? Just your long life partner right? Exactly. Dont let this problem keep making your life miserable. Its a lot of weight to carry for both of you. I wish everyone the best and goodluck. Thank you for taking the time to read this.”

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