Introduction-First timer

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  • #8742
    Sunflower
    Participant

    Thank you Heather34 for KNOWING this will finally work for me after so many years! I’m starting to see a small light at the end of the tunnel. Look forward to meeting all of you next year!

    Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

    #10820
    mmHeather34
    Moderator

    Hi Sunflower. Welcome to the forum and thank you so, so much for your post. Huge CONGRATS on setting up an appointment in February and please know we are all here to support you and you are not alone with this issue. I felt like this for so many years while having vaginismus and truly want to do everything that I can do now to make sure nobody else has to silently suffer. It is so wonderful to have this forum, a wonderful community of support, and women who have gone through the exact same thing. I, too, tried so many different treatments like you described (i.e. PT, using dilators on my own, etc.) and nothing at all worked for me. I had primary vaginismus (level 5) for 15 years; had the procedure with Dr. Pacik in 2011; and was cured within 1 week and able to achieve intercourse. This was one of the best decisions that I’ve ever made and the procedure is truly life-changing. I KNOW it will work for you and will be life-changing in so many ways. Looking forward to reading more of your posts and, again, please know that we’re all here to support you.

    #10821
    Nakitalab
    Participant

    Hi Sunflower, I’m so glad you found Dr. Pacik and this forum. We are all here to support each other and it is so nice to know that we aren’t alone. I had my procedure a little over 30 days ago after suffering in silence for over 34 years. What a blessing Dr. Pacik, his staff and the women on this forum have been to me. I promise this is the best decision you will have ever made. We are all here for you any time of the day or night. Please keep us posted on how you are doing. This Forum is a great way to share both your ups and downs. I can’t tell you how much it has helped me. Looking forward to hearing from you.

    #10754
    Sunflower
    Participant

    Thank you Heather34 for KNOWING this will finally work for me after so many years! I’m starting to see a small light at the end of the tunnel. Look forward to meeting all of you next year!

    Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

    #10755
    Sunflower
    Participant

    Thank you Nakitalab for your support! Wow, 34 years?! Congratulations on your progress and all the best! I greatly appreciate your kind and inspiring words.

    Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

    #10757
    mmHeather34
    Moderator

    Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to you too Sunflower. It was so wonderful to finally speak together on the phone tonight and I just know that you are going to do so, so well and this procedure will be life changing for you and your husband!!! :):):)

    #10764
    coffee
    Participant

    Hi sunflower, this will be the best decision you could make. The first step was making the phone call and setting the appointment up. Congrats to you and your husband for a brighter future!!!! I have suffered for almost 14 years. I had the procedure September 18th. I dilate regularly everyday, I haven’t achieved inter course yet! But I did successfully complete a pap smear recently something I was never able to do.

    #10871
    lotus1000
    Participant

    hi Sunflower, I’m scheduled for Feb 5 as well! Probably I will be seeing you there. My story: Married for 6 years to a wonderful man, but of course, have the same feelings individually and in my relationship that seems to be common amongst those afflicted with this problem (i.e. shame, rejection, failure). I think the biggest struggle in my relationship has been some pointing of the finger at each other and trying to decide who is to blame and who should be more proactive when, in fact, neither is to blame and we should be partners in being proactive about this problem. For this reason, I am grateful for Dr. Pacik’s approach regarding incorporating the partner because I think it would be helpful for my husband to truly understand the struggle I am having; conversations between us regarding this have historically resulted in silence, tears or frustration.

    It may seem so cliche to say this, but I was absolutely SHOCKED to read others’ experiences on this blog. Literally, I thought I was the only one who felt this way, but knowing that others have as well makes me feel less alienated. I almost had myself convinced for a while that my mind was playing a trick on me or that maybe I was in some contorted way causing this upon myself/my relationship; it’s nice to know that others have struggled with this and have managed to pull through.

    Thank you for all of your thoughts and sharing your experiences. The more information I, or any of us, can have, the better!

    #10879
    mmHeather34
    Moderator

    Hi Lotus. I very much enjoyed reading your post and couldn’t agree with you more about how important it is to involve your partner in this whole process. For years, I viewed vaginismus as my problem alone while it truly is a couple’s issue. In fact, while practicing with the dilators following the procedure, I didn’t want my hubby to help or be present at first as I, again, thought I had to fix this alone and then we could move on. The awesome recovery room nurse very gently explained to me that it truly is an issue that involves your husband and it is so important to involve him in the process. I allowed him to stay and it was really a turning point for us and something wonderful to experience together. For the first time, we were overcoming this condition as husband and wife and it felt wonderful. Then, when we practiced removing and re-inserting the dilators together, this helped me, personally, to build even more trust with him and associate him with something pain-free. And, for him, he was in awe and so, so happy to witness something going inside of me without pain. He needed to see this as he was always so afraid of hurting me in the past and while having vaginismus when I would constantly tell him to stop or scream out in pain. Our experience together in Dr. Pacik’s office was invaluable and definitely transferred over to the bedroom. For me, it, again, helped me to trust him more and for him, he knew that I no longer experienced my pain from the past. I would encourage you to have your husband right there beside you through every step of this process, and, as you wrote, it truly is an exceptional part of Dr. Pacik’s program, just how much he incorporates the partner.

    #10909
    lotus1000
    Participant

    Heather, it’s almost humorous to see how similar my experiences have been to others when I have spent the last several years thinking that, literally, I was the only person on the planet with this problem and shame. For example, I also would do my dilation in private, cordoned off to a side room so I wouldn’t gross him out or bother him in any way. The hope was that I would “fix it” and then we could move on in life. Clearly, this approach hasn’t been terrific! Thank you for being so honest in your response – it really reflect a lot of my own struggles and feelings over the past several years, and it’s nice to know I’m not alone in this.

    #10911
    mmHeather34
    Moderator

    Lotus, you are definitely not alone in this and we are all here to support you. Our stories are so, so similar and I KNOW you will have tremendous success and this procedure will be life-changing for you both. By Dr. Pacik involving the husbands and partners in the process, it really helped me to open up more and view vaginismus as something we were working on overcoming together rather than something I could quickly fix on my own. It brought us much closer and also relieved a tremendous amount of anxiety to know that it wasn’t just my problem to quickly resolve but something that we, together, overcame just as you two will!!!!

    Another very, very cool part of the process was meeting another women who also had vaginismus and sharing this time in Dr. Pacik’s office and encouraging and supporting each other through it. This was another thing that I will be honest with you about that I was so, so anxious about prior to. I had never even spoken to another person who had this condition. Could there really be others out there with it? At first, I was so shy in meeting her and, by the end of our time in NH, I am so, so fortunate to have met her. We completely opened up to each other and both supported each other and it was an excellent experience all around. We still keep in touch to this day and her support to me during this time was invaluable.

    #10950
    caitlinp
    Participant

    Hello Sunflower and Lotus1000,

    I’m also scheduled for Feb 5th! I’m excited to meet you two and to finally go through with the procedure – something I’ve been planning and thinking about for about 2 years now.

    #10951
    mmHeather34
    Moderator

    Hi Caitlin. I’m so excited for you and the other gals with your upcoming procedure and I KNOW it is going to go so, so well. I seriously remember mine like it was yesterday and living a life free of vaginismus is such a wonderful feeling. Please ask any questions at all that you may have pre-procedure as we have all been right where you are prior to our own procedures and we are all here to support you.

    #11041
    lotus1000
    Participant

    I am 3 days post-procedure!! And incredibly, surprisingly, I am totally fine!

    #11042
    Allie
    Participant

    So happy to read that lotus!!! 🙂

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