Introduction

[Anonymous]

Where to start. Wow. I believe that what I am experiencing is secondary vaginismus. I am 55, and have been in a non-sexual marriage for the past 13 years. During the birth of my second son I had an episiotomy. Once it healed, intercourse became excruciatingly painful. I was too embarrassed to go back to the doctor and to this day she has no idea how painful pelvic exams are. I don’t feel comfortable talking with her about it. I had less and less interest in sex. I was also working full time with two young children, was constantly ill and living on little or no sleep as my husband snores very loudly. Finally I had to move into another room just to be able to sleep. I was diagnosed with breast cancer when our youngest son was 5. I had a lumpectomy, chemo and radiation. The cancer was 99% estrogen receptive and I had very high estrogen levels. After having severe reactions to the medication I was supposed to take for five years, I opted to have my ovaries removed instead to bring the estrogen down and went into surgical menopause almost immediately. We had sex sporadically over the next couple of years but the pain was still there and even with tons of lubricant it was not good. I started experiencing drying and a burning/stinging and an increasing tightening of the entrance to the vagina. Three years ago, when I was 10 years out, I had reconstructive surgery on both breasts to correct the lopsidedness caused by the lumpectomy. It was great to feel normal, or at least not think people were focused on my lop-sided chest, but the surgery left a lot of scarring.

So here I am 13 years out from the cancer battle scarred but in pretty good health. My oldest just graduated from college and my youngest is about to start, I run my own successful business and I am starting to focus on me. I don’t know what the next 30 or 40 years holds for me or if intimacy with a new partner or sex is going to be a part of that but I don’t want to avoid friendships or intimacy because I can’t have sex.

[Heather34]

Hi Guest. Welcome to the Forum and thank you for your post. I am so sorry to hear of your struggles with secondary vaginismus. Please, please know that you are not alone with any of this and we are all here to support you.

I suffered with primary vaginismus for 15 years and my entire marriage and found Dr. Pacik in 2011 and underwent the Botox treatment program. Thereafter, I used the Pure Romance Dilator set following and was able to have pain-free intercourse with my husband 7 days post-procedure (Thank God and Thank Dr. P that this treatment exists). By practicing with the varying sized vaginal dilators, I cannot even describe in writing how much it helped me. Physically, I did this for 2 hours per day and slept with one every other night. This allowed me to become stretched which eliminated my pain altogether. Mentally, it helped me as I became more and more confident that dilating did not hurt and also dilated for a couple of hours in advance of transitioning to pain-free intercourse. I want to share the link for the second issue of the VaginismusMD Newsletter that discusses all-things dilating. Specific topics include: Styles and Materials of Dilators, Getting Started with Dilation, Anxiety Control, Advanced Dilation Techniques, and Transitioning to Intercourse. http://www.vaginismusmd.com/vaginismus-resources/vaginismus-newsletter-archive/ins-outs-vaginal-dilation/ I would also encourage you to contact Dr. Pacik and work with him in any way possible as he and his staff are so very caring and, very importantly, they thoroughly understand the condition of vaginismus, both primary and secondary.

Looking forward to reading more of your posts and, again, please know we are all here for you!!!