I can’t lose my virginity (rigid hymen?)

[Mursalimova]

Hello, dear forum members!
I specifically registered on this site to ask people for advice. I have already been to the gynecologist many times, and also to the surgeon. But the problem of deprivation of virginity has not disappeared! But about everything in order….
I will try to describe as briefly as possible, indicating only important details.
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Until I was 19 years old, I had no boyfriends and I was not interested in sex at all (not even masturbated). Then I met a guy and we started dating.
At first we just had foreplay and stuff like that. We didn’t have penetrative sex. But when it came to “real sex”, it turned out to be impossible. The penis wouldn’t go in. Moreover, it was impossible to insert even a little finger or the smallest tampon into the vagina!

I went to a gynecologist. She sent me to a surgeon. The surgeon said that I had a rare case and diagnosed “rigid (dense) hymen”. It was decided to have surgery, during which I would have several incisions.
To be honest, I initially thought I was going to have my hymen completely removed. And it better be. Because — SPOILER — the surgery didn’t help (or rather, it only partially helped).

The surgery made it possible for me to insert a tampon and any finger into my vagina. Then I even managed to insert two fingers, but not at once. I also tried inserting toys up to 2.9 cm in diameter. With lubrication, everything goes in with flying colors.
BUT! The larger diameter does not want to penetrate at all. And the problem is that the guy has 3.7 cm, almost 1 cm more! And he won’t fit no matter how hard we try.

We’ve been dating for almost 2 years, we’ve been going through this whole thing for a year, but no results.
Kegel exercises don’t help much. Vaginal dilators won’t widen the hymen. There is only an option to go under the knife again, but already finally get rid of the hymen.
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What do we do in this case?

[Cathleen Kneidl, RPA-C]

Hello!

So, it is impossible to give you a diagnosis without an exam, of course.

You did have the hymenotomy for that thickened hymen and that is great. You were able to make some progress after that. It is possible that they didn’t open it enough. In that case it would require a second procedure.

Another thought is that it is possible that you have pelvic floor dysfunction. Pelvic floor muscles relax and contract as needed, but with pelvic floor dysfunction, your body keeps tightening these muscles instead of relaxing them. There can be so much muscle tension that it doesn’t allow the penis or anything else to enter.

I would recommend an evaluation with a provider or physical therapist with an understanding of pelvic floor dysfunction to see if that is possibly a component of what is going on. If so, the treatment can involve physical therapy, dilation, or even botox injected into those muscles.