Home Forums Vaginismus Support Group Vaginismus Dilating HUSBAND BIGGER THAN LAST DILATOR

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    I have had Vaginismus for ten years- and never had sex with my husband. Ive been dilating for four weeks now. I started with the smallest size and am now able to comfortably insert size four of five, a little discomfort but able to move it around no problem. Today I tried the last dilator and managed to insert it virtually all the way! Very slowly! (pain level 6/10 which faded after a few minutes). I also got a mensural cup in, though never again they’re not for me lol.

    I have to start at size two and work my way through the sizes during each session- every day.

    My real question is what happens next? Once I can ‘comfortably’ insert the fifth I am concerned I will not be able to tolerate my husband who is a bit wider than the fifth dilator. I am scared this will all be for nothing and I will be unable to tolerate him.

    Please help!
    I have my dilators, lidocaine 5% (never used) and plenty of lube!

    Helen Leff, LCSW

    Hi MotivatedMumm,
    Good for you! Regarding what happens next (great question!) it’s probably a good idea to purchase a dilator that is a bit larger than your husband’s penis to work with prior to attempting intercourse. Sometimes the largest dilator in a kit just isn’t large enough. If you can dilate just a bit larger than his penis it will give you the confidence that intercourse will be pain free. Keep in mind that a penis is “real” and more pliable than a dilator! Also, dilate right before intercourse to insure that the muscles are comfortably stretched to accommodate his penis. Also keep in mind that first intercourse may feel somewhat mechanical and awkward. That’s okay! Maintain a sense of humor. It will get better.
    Take good care and stay in touch,


    Eventually I’ll have to get bigger dilators too, since my goal is to tolerate IUIs better (I’m trying to conceive as a single mom by choice) and my biggest dilator is way smaller than the IUI applicator.

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