Help Talking to a Doctor about Vaginismus

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    Hi all. In a series of recent Forum posts, there are examples concerning help in talking to a doctor about vaginismus:
    NightVale21 writes:
    “I am 17 years old and from the UK. I am in a committed and loving relationship, but every time we have attempted intercourse, he said it was like there was a wall blocking him. From what I’ve read, the symptoms I’ve had appear to resemble Vaginismus, and whilst I’m aware that it is often successfully treated, I still have some concerns.
    I’m unsure about going to my GP (despite the fact that I know it would likely be beneficial), as I have seen many women comment that medical professionals have not taken them seriously. Also, considering my age, I cannot purchase the dilators and books that would help me to overcome the condition without my family finding out (I would have to order them with my dad/nan’s card), and they are not aware that I am sexually active, nor would they be accepting of it if I told them.
    I am going to tell my boyfriend about this, but I don’t have anyone I can really talk to about it, as I doubt my friends would understand, I am an only child, and my mother died when I was 6. I have seen many women comment that they have had relationships that broke down due to this condition, and I cannot bear to lose my boyfriend, as I doubt that I can emotionally cope with the loss of another person in my life.
    If anyone has any advice for me, that would be much appreciated, as I really don’t know what to do.
    Thanks :)”
    Heather replies:
    “Hi NightVale21. Welcome to the Forum and thank you for your post. I am so sorry for what you are currently going through. I had vaginismus all through my 20s and found it so hard at the time as my then boyfriend/now hubby and the few doctors that we visited were the only ones who knew. Now, with this community, we can all talk openly about it and you have my support 100%. I know how hard it can be to visit a doctor but, if you do decide to see your GP, I found an awesome sample script from that may be super helpful in talking about vaginismus. has an absolutely excellent script that is very helpful as a means of talking to your physician about vaginismus:
    Sample Script: Self-Guided History of Sexual Pain
    1. Introduce the problem:
    “I have been having problems with pain during sex and hope you will be able to help me.”
    2.Provide a description of the pain (be specific):
    •It happens when …”my husband tries insert his penis in my vagina” or “once he is inside and starts to move I feel burning and tighten up”, etc.
    •The pain is located …”at the entrance to my vagina. My vagina is like a wall; he just cannot get it in.” or “after he is inside I feel burning around the penis just inside the entrance”, etc.
    •The pain lasts …”as long as he keeps trying, especially if we try forcing it in. Once he stops there is no pain.”
    •This has been happening since …”our honeymoon two years ago and has continued to happen every time we try to have sex” (primary vaginismus) or “my hysterectomy eight months ago”(secondary vaginismus), etc. [Note: Inform your doctor if you have been able to previously have sexual intercourse without pain.]
    •It feels like …”burning”, “stinging”, “like he’s hitting a wall”, “tightness during/on entry”, etc.
    •I have tried to reduce or eliminate the pain by …”using lubricant, changing sexual positions, relaxing more.”
    •I am able / unable to …”insert a tampon or complete a gynecological exam.”
    3.Mention any past problems:
    Have you previously had any sexually transmitted diseases, yeast infections, bladder problems, or any pelvic pain outside of penetration?
    4.State what you think the problem is:
    “I think it may be vaginismus. My symptoms are similar to those outlined in an article I read. However, I have read there are other things that can cause pain during sex and would like to have them ruled out.”
    I hope this helps. Most importantly, please know that I am here for you and you have my support 100%!!!”
    NightVale21 Replies:
    “Thank you so much Heather! Before I found out about the condition I was really worried that there was something wrong with me, as the experiences I detailed beforehand happened the first time I ever had/tried to have sex (which was only a month ago for the record). I couldn’t understand what the problem was, because whilst I expected some pain (I did experience a sort of tearing sensation, but I was aware that could happen) I still wanted to do it, and I was completely relaxed. Your advice is really appreciated though, and I will see if I can get an appointment with my doctor.”
    Heather Replies:
    “Hi NightVale21. I am so, so sorry that you experienced this. I think seeing a doctor could really, really help. I used to get very, very nervous trying to speak to a doctor about the condition as I felt like they would not take me seriously. I think even giving them this above script could really help and also, as another Forum member said in a previous post, it may help to call the doctor’s office in advance and talk to the nurse about the condition and gauge if they have an understanding of it. I hope this helps and am here to support you!!! Sending big hugs today!!!”
    Is there any other thoughts or advice that you have that would help others when speaking to a doctor about vaginismus?

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