Help I am nearing the edge

[Bill1900]

Hi I’m bill
A little back story, I have been married for nearly 10 years and it’s known between my wife and myself that she is suffering from vaginismus. The last attempt at penetrative sex was on our wedding night ten years ago she said she wanted to wait for marriage when we were dating oddly I accepted it even though we both were married before. I will say I am not small or super large downstairs. Five years ago I thought it was me she that she wasn’t attracted to me I went and got a personal trainer and endured relentless abuse training I gained about 30 pounds of muscle and dropped my body fat to about 8% over the period of 3 years. A year and a half ago she told her mother when asked if she was thinking about children that I couldn’t get it up. I was humiliated when asked by her mom if I tried those blue pills. I’m not a really confrontational guy i let it go. I brought up the vaginismus issue she just blew it off. I love her but I have needs I am at the point of either asking for a “hall pass” or just taking a lover on the side I am so lonely at this point it’s effectively destroying me. If I’m honest to myself I feel I was duped into this marriage i also sort of know her ex supposedly had a girlfriend on the side he is now married to her I ran into him at the grocery store a week ago and he said if I ever wanted chat over a beer he is available I mention nothing of my issues with him. This turmoil makes me nuts

[srhsrh]

I’m really sorry you’re going through this. Ten years without intimacy, especially without open communication, has to be incredibly tough. It’s not just about sex, but feeling wanted and connected.

Vaginismus is real, but if your wife isn’t willing to address it or talk about how it affects both of you, that puts you in a painful spot. Your frustration and loneliness make total sense.

Before making any major decisions like a hall pass or affair, maybe consider therapy, either for yourself or as a couple. You deserve to be heard and supported, too.

Wishing you clarity and strength.