Finally, some hope
November 2, 2015 at 6:56 am #9390LisaParticipant
I am so glad to have found this website. It’s great to have found some people who understand.
I am 34 and have been with my husband for 14 years. The vaginismus started about 4 years into our relationship and has grown steadily worse to the point where we are not intimate anymore. We are able to have penetration but it is very painful and ends in tears. We have gone through years of me letting him have sex once every couple of months to do my duty but I hated it and started to resent being made to experience this pain. I felt so guilty but eventually I just said I can’t take it anymore, leave me alone. Now I shun any kind of hugging/kissing in case it makes him want to have sex. He is a very affectionate person and feels very rejected by this.
Over the years I have seen doctors who have told me “it’s all in my head”, “just relax” etc and it is only in the last year that I finally received a diagnosis of vaginismus. Since then we have received couples counselling which has helped me to understand the condition more and we have seen some improvement but not much. I think just knowing what it is has helped. The counsellor told us that dilators are not effective because the fear is the brain and stretching muscles won’t help. Obviously finding this website has changed my mind about that! Anyway, I have ordered the dilators and will let you know how I get on. I live in Australia so it will take weeks to get here 🙁 Thanks for your support.
LisaNovember 3, 2015 at 11:36 am #13914Heather34Moderator
Hi Lisa. Welcome to the Forum and thank you for your post. I am so, so happy that you have found this Forum and have ordered the dilators. Once they arrive and you start using them, please post updates as so many other women are also experiencing this right now and are reading all of our posts for help. I had vaginismus all through my 20s and early 30s. I belonged to an online yahoo forum about vaginismus and, although I never posted a thing, I read it constantly. It is so frustrating to have doctors continue to say “it’s all in your head” and “just relax” when we would love more than anything to do just that but it still does not just go away or get better. I tried for so many years to “will” myself to be able to make love to my then boyfriend/now husband and could not get past the physical resistance that we experienced every single time we tried any type of insertion. By working with the dilators following my procedure and liberally using lubricant, this allowed me to become stretched and later able to make love to my husband, something we tried so many times before without success. What type of lubricant are you going to use with the dilators? In the beginning, I used a combo of surgilube and lidocaine mix and I later transitioned to Pre-seed and found them both very helpful. Please, please know that you have my support along with the Forum and we are all here for you. Sending big hugs!November 9, 2015 at 9:51 pm #13928LisaParticipant
I received my glass dilators yesterday, yay. I started out using the number 4 size for 90mins using Pjur basic silicone lubricant. I was able to insert with only a little pain. Last night I slept with it without too many problems. They are a bit painful when changing positions but other than that ok. As others have said, it is hard to keep it in! I wore underpants with a pad to try to keep it in. As I also have vulval dermatitis it makes it tricky as tight fitting underpants and pads make the condition worse. I have noticed that I am different to some of the others on this forum in that it is not the entry muscle but the one inside (about an inch) that is the problem. I have to point the dilator towards my hip to get around the bump and then towards the opposite side once I am past it. I am assuming this is because the muscle is clenching stronger on one side? This was causing the dilator to pinch on the outside because it’s not sitting straight. I will try size 5 today.November 10, 2015 at 9:17 am #13932Heather34Moderator
Hi Lisa! Yaaaaaaay! I’m glad that they arrived. You are making excellent progress already and are doing just so well. On Day 2 of my treatment program in NH, Dr. Pacik suggested to us to try dilating in different positions. This sets the stage for eventual intercourse and will allow you to find the positions that you are most comfortable with. I personally would always insert the dilators standing up and then would be most comfortable with them in while lying down. Sitting was doable but never the preferred position. I think it’s so wonderful that we can talk and I am here in Boston and you are in Australia. This truly is the power of the VaginismusMD Forum. Sending you my support and hugs!!!
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