FINALLY Scheduled Procedure for 3/24!

[mlrchi]

Hi Ladies,

I have read some of your posts, but must admit I don’t keep up with everything. I have struggled with this condition for my whole life and am now 45, so I decided it was time to take control of the situation. I do not have as severe vaginismus as some of you, but larger insertions are a problem for me. I can wear tampons, have an OB/GYN exam and use smaller dilators, but when I get to those biggies….forget about it! I feel this program will give me the “boost” I need to overcome.

One reason I haven’t participated much in the forum, or scheduled my treatment earlier, is because my partner is not particularly supportive and it can be hard reading about all of your great husbands on here! He wants nothing to do with learning about this condition and has built up a great deal of resentment and anger towards me over the past 6 years. It seems every time we get into an argument it turns into “well, you can’t have sex, what is wrong with you?”, so in his eyes everything is my fault. We went to a therapist for about a year and I felt like he was more on the side of my boyfriend. I have tried telling him that if he just said something like “this must be hard for you, how can I help?” this problem may have been solved a long time ago. We are both issue avoiders, so nothing has happened. I realize some men come around during the treatment when they see what is happening, but this would make him so incredibly uncomfortable I would focus too much on how he was doing, rather then making myself better.

So, I am coming alone! I don’t have that much anxiety about the treatment itself. I had a uterine fibroid removed last year and the only issue I had was that I really wanted to sleep longer under that anesthesia! I know I can already dilate, so it will just be a matter of getting up to the bigger sizes and then transitioning. My anxiety I guess is more about when I get home!

This past year I was also diagnosed with Rheumatoid Arthritis, so I have had my share of doctor’s visits over the past few years. Now that I am feeling better I really want to solve my problem! I hope it can help save my relationship, but if it doesn’t I need to do this for myself to feel better about dating again if it comes to that situation.

I am very impressed with Dr. Pacik and everyone on his staff so far, and I am glad to finally have a support system. I also went to a therapist in Chicago who said that I cannot just go away and get “fixed”. I understand that she said that because she thought that if my boyfriend helped me we might conquer it, but I am afraid there is much more involved, as we know. She also sent me to a pelvic floor therapist who could use her finger to stretch, but she really focused a lot on how I urinate and I think the issue is much larger than working on breathing and urinating a different way! We didn’t even do anything with dilators in the sessions. When I have used them at home I can sometimes get to the pink after much effort, but never the blue. That is my goal!

Thanks for posting all of your stories. The successes are really what gave me the courage to just do it!

MLRCHI

[Heather34]

Hi MLRCHI. Huge, huge CONGRATS on scheduling your procedure. When I scheduled mine, it was such an amazing and surreal feeling and I had so many emotions – nervousness and excitement combined. It is life-changing in so many ways. I, too, had anxiety about if I would be able to continue to use the dilators at home and then transition. Upon returning home, I stuck to the 2-hr p/day dilation schedule as well as sleeping with the purple one every other night. The thing that amazed both my husband and I is that the dilators went right in without the normal resistance/blocked feeling that we had always felt. Then, when we transitioned, I dilated with blue for a couple of hours in advance and he gently removed it and inserted himself in its place. He felt much nicer than the dilator. Thereafter, learning what we both liked and disliked as well as comfortable positions took a few months. What really helped me with my work at home with the dilators was communicating with Dr. Pacik and Ellen. Thereafter, with our transition, this same communication helped me significantly. The Forum did not exist at the time of my procedure in 2011. Please know that we all will be here to support you pre, post, and long after your procedure and communicating with Dr. P as well as Ellen in the office is so helpful post-procedure. Sending huge hugs and congrats again on scheduling!!!!

[KarenK]

Congrats on scheduling your procedure, mlrchi! You are one step closer to completely overcoming. You will do great, and I promise you it will be life-changing. Good luck, and please know we are all here to support you!

[Allie]

So happy you went for it & scheduled your appt!! You are going to do amazing and we are all here to support you!!

[mlrchi]

Thanks for the support, I appreciate it!