20 year old girl suffering please help

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    My name is Grace and I am 20 years old. I live in the UK and like so many of you on this forum I am suffering problems with impossible sexual intercourse.

    The problem first started happening around 2 and a half months ago. I met a lovely guy named Chris in Junewho is 26. He is kind, funny, he treats me so well and he makes me happier than I have ever been in my life. We had been seeing each other for a while and 2 and a half months ago (in November) I stayed at his apartment for the weekend. We had a great time going out doing things and just enjoying each others company. I was a virgin, the furthest I had ever gone with a guy was just kissing. There is a lot of social pressure on people my age, everyone is talking about sex or has done it and I used to try my best to avoid being asked questions as I would never have anything to say. So anyway, I had built up a lot of anticipation in my head about the weekend as I knew something would probably happen.

    Eventually we ended up in bed together and I won’t lie, I was petrified. Nobody had ever seen me naked before and I had never had sex before either. Because of all the nerves my body obviously completely shut off and after the foreplay side of things, penetration was impossible. It felt like hitting a brick wall. We stopped and he was very understanding and never pressurised me at all. We tried again the next day and the same problem happened. He also tried to insert a finger that time and I felt like I was being torn in two, the pain was awful.

    A month or so passed and we had another weekend in a hotel for our works Christmas party (I forgot to mention we work for the same company but he lives 160 miles away so he works in a different office, we only see each other once a month). I felt better about things and told myself I need to just relax and go with the flow but I think subconsciously I was still anticipating what was coming. It happened again, it felt like he was hitting a brick wall when we tried so we stopped. Two days later we made another attempt. When he fingered me that time it didn’t hurt at all and I thought it was all going to be okay, but it wasn’t. When we attempted intercourse I felt a horrible burning sensation which was almost unbearable so again we stopped. I’d like to mention throughout all this he has been an absolute star and has been nothing but supportive and understanding.

    I decided I needed to see a doctor to see if I had anything physically wrong with me. I was very distressed at the appointment and I sat and cried my eyes out to my doctor, telling her how distressed and alone I felt with this horrible condition that made me feel worthless as a girlfriend. She told me that I needed to try to relax and just go back to basics: enjoy holiday hands, going for dinner, seeing a film etc with no anticipation involved. This is slightly hard because we live 3hrs drive from each other so we only meet once a month or so but we went to London the next day and had a brilliant time. The appointment made me feel so much more positive and for the first time in a while I started to feel more happy. I had a swab test done down there too and the results were normal so that have me reassurance I wasn’t physically unwell!

    Then comes this weekend. We had a two night stay together in a lovely hotel. The first two nights we didn’t try intercourse which was good because it killed the anticipation. We did a lot of foreplay and that wasn’t uncomfortable for me at all, so by this time I’m starting to feel more confident that when we do try it will all be okay!

    This morning we tried to have sex and the foreplay was completely fine, I was feeling relaxed and confident and I really thought we would finally be able to have sex. As soon as we tried – boom – it wouldn’t go in. I just can’t get my head around it all. How is he able to insert several fingers into me without my feeling any discomfort then when we try to have sex it just doesn’t work??? I am left feeling distressed, confused, upset. Like many vaginismus sufferers I have no control over this but because of how well things were going I really thought it wouldn’t be a problem this time.

    Has anyone else had my situation?!! I feel like I have come a long way and things have improved greatly but I am falling at the last hurdle and it is upsetting me. I see pregnant married women and I feel sad – I wonder if I will ever be able to feel that happiness one day, I pray I do. I feel so alone as nobody I have spoken to has ever had this problem and I just don’t know who to turn to. My boyfriend has been fabulous throughout the whole thing, he just feels bad for me more than anything as he can see how upset it makes me.

    Please help me, I just want to feel happy again



    Hi grace. Welcome to the Forum and thank you so, so much for your post. I am so very sorry to read of your struggles with vaginismus. I, too, suffered with primary vaginismus in the past and was cured from this condition in 2011 after receiving Dr. Pacik’s Botox treatment program. What you described in your post is so similar to how I felt while dating my current husband. I wanted to have sex so bad but physically couldn’t because of the pain/burning/fear that was vaginismus. While he was very supportive throughout, we both became so frustrated with this problem and it took a serious toll on our relationship. When I had Dr. Pacik’s treatment, it had gotten to the point in our relationship, that I just wanted to “fix” my problem myself and I never viewed this as our problem. Thank God Dr. Pacik involves the husbands and partners very actively in the whole treatment program. In his office in NH was the very first time I truly saw this as a journey that we were going on and overcoming together and it brought us so much closer in our marriage. We practiced using the dilators together and he even inserted them too. By doing this, I began to associate him without the usual pain feelings and trusted him so much more and he was able to see that something could be inside of me and not cause the pain that our attempts had always caused. It was eye opening for the both of us. Prior to having this treatment, I tried using dilators on my own as well as pelvic floor physical therapy and nothing worked to stop the pain/burning feeling with insertion. Then, after this procedure, I felt like the wall that I’ve often described in other posts and what my husband felt every time disappeared and I was able to insert all of the dilators of varying sizes pain and resistance-free and then, within 7 days, my husband as well, again, both pain and resistance free. I would encourage you to contact Dr. Pacik’s office and work with him in any way that is possible. He was the answer to years of our prayers and the cure for our vaginismus. Please know that we are all here to support you along this journey and I look forward to reading more of your posts.


    Hi grace. I also wanted to share the below thread with you. :):):)

    Botox Treatment for UK Patients



    Hi Grace, reading your post just breaks my heart as I know all to well the feelings you are feeling. I suffered with vaginismus for most of my adult life and I am 53 years old. But last year I had Dr. Pacik’s procedure and was diligent with his dilation program. And I’m so happy to say that vaginismus no longer has control over my life. When I was your age I was engaged to someone and we tried to have sex and it just wouldn’t happen. Like you it was like hitting a wall and any type of penetration hurt and burned. I felt so humiliated and over the years went to many different doctors and tried everything under the sun to be rid of it. I am so very thankful for this Forum and Dr. Pacik and his team. Please know that you are not alone and you can overcome this and you will be happy again. It’s wonderful that your boyfriend has been so supportive of you. Like Heather and so many others here on the Forum…I am here for you and will keep you in my prayers.

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