[Piscean77]

Thank you x

[Piscean77]

Thank you so much – this is really helpful. My mum has been diagnosed with Parkinson’s disease, so a lot to get our heads around. I have felt no sexual desire lately and worrying about that side of things too. I think it’s great advice to know and remember that the progress I made won’t disappear and I have to be kind to myself.

I’m going to speak to my husband about it. He is great, but I have sensed he doesn’t quite get how I can’t box things off in the way he can. I’m going to remind myself I’m just resting on the top of that mountain.

Thanks, as ever, for this forum x

[Piscean77]

Thank you recessivegenequeen (-: I really appreciate your input.

I have been away from the forum (and also not practicing much with our progress unfortunately) as January has been a really stressful month with my mum having a fall, and then various tests and now a neurology appointment tomorrow. I have been so preoccupied with all this and supporting her (with all the coronavirus restrictions in place, it’s making dealing with this stuff especially difficult) that we’ve not spent much time working on things….

Somehow, we’ve managed two more times – and we have reached a similar point. I just haven’t felt in the right mindset at all. My hubby is really great and there is no time pressure, so hoping we can just keep trying when I’m having less stressful days. Life sometimes gets in the way, I guess!

I just wondered if anyone else has felt feelings of guilt or discomfort about being sexual with a partner when dealing with family illness/stress?

I really appreciate getting feedback and support here – so thank you x

[Piscean77]

Hi Heather

Thank you 😊

Since I last posted, we’ve made some progress! Life has been very busy, but we have had 2 attempts and both times we got the head of the penis fully in. I discovered that holding him and actually guiding it in super-slowly is helping us to know what is happening, if that makes sense?! The second time in particular the head was completely in as I kept my hand on his penis so when he gently pulled away, I could see and feel how much we got in. I cried because deep down I still didn’t believe it was possible. It wasn’t too uncomfortable either, so feeling really pleased.

Hoping to get another attempt in this weekend before speaking to my therapist in Tuesday.

By the way, we used the dilator first (just number 4), but I think that also helped 👍🤞xx

So good to be able to share it here! We’re not there yet, but I’m starting to believe xx

[Piscean77]

Hi Heather

Thank you 😊

Since I last posted, we’ve made some progress! Life has been very busy, but we have had 2 attempts and both times we got the head of the penis fully in. I discovered that holding him and actually guiding it in super-slowly is helping us to know what is happening, if that makes sense?! The second time in particular the head was completely in as I kept my hand on his penis so when he gently pulled away, I could see and feel how much we got in. I cried because deep down I still didn’t believe it was possible. It wasn’t too uncomfortable either, so feeling really pleased.

Hoping to get another attempt in this weekend before speaking to my therapist in Tuesday.

By the way, we used the dilator first (just number 4), but I think that also helped 👍🤞xx

So good to be able to share it here! We’re not there yet, but I’m starting to believe xx

[Piscean77]

Thank you so much Heather! I have had a really stressful week, so only just logged in to read your reply.

Your post is giving me hope to keep believing it can happen. I really don’t mind if success to start with is a bit lame – I just want it to happen, so we can then work on things from there 🙂

I completely agree about bonding on another level. We have learnt so much about one another through this process and our intimacy has grown better in so many ways. We spoke with my therapist on Tuesday and she was also encouraging that we are making small progress all the time.

We will definitely use the dilator first and hopefully that should help. I found that helped when I tried no5 straight after no4.

I’m also dealing with quite a bit of stress related to family at the moment, so that is challenging me a lot. But I am so glad I finally took the step to post here.

Thanks for listening. Just knowing there are people out there who understand and have actually been through it really helps x

[Piscean77]

Thank you recessivegenequeen! I really appreciate your reply. One of the hardest parts of this has been feeling so isolated with the problem.

I have got another water based lubricant my therapist suggested….I might give that a go too. I do find the almond oil really nice and no irritation for either of us. It feels luxurious rather than medical. I’m on the pill, so don’t have to worry so much about what works with a condom.

It’s really interesting what you say about size. My therapist said from the start not to worry about dilator no5, as we only work up to no4 before transitioning. But my husband is definitely bigger than no4 and I think this has really affected my ability to imagine getting his penis in. It’s definitely the width that is the concern for me (sorry for the detail!). I know from dilating, that once I get past those pesky muscles at the entrance, the length of the dilator isn’t so much of a problem. So, we discussed at our last session using no5 and my therapist said to go for it, if I feel it would help. Last week I dilated with no4 and then as soon as I removed it, I braved no5. I managed to get it in 2 inches. This was a real breakthrough for me. It felt so much bigger, but each one felt like that to start with.

I realise so much of it is connected to thoughts and feelings and I feel a lot of pent up anger still, which I think I need to talk to her about next week.

We are also finding it difficult to find a comfortable position for us both. He is a bit more flexible than me generally and luckily has had no problems maintaining an erection, but his penis has a tendency to curve down a little. It feels like if we could get the angle right when he places himself there, there is a better chance of success. I think the hitting the wall feeling is because of that and I’m not sure how we get in the right position?

In the meantime, I’m going to keep reminding myself how far I’ve come. Thanks x

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