[LaurenMW929]

Cmarie,
I’m in tears as I read your post because it’s like I’m reading, verbatim, my own experience. Everything from never being able to use a tampon to my husband and I both waiting until marriage to experience sex, and the feeling of loneliness and shame not being able to confide in anyone. My husband has also been nothing but loving and supportive but I still find myself feeling like he deserves better. I feel guilty for keeping this experience from him but its really being kept from us. I made this mistake of never even going to the OBGYN until AFTER we were married and it is something I have regretted every day since learning about my Vaginismus. You are not alone! I am so happy to hear you also have a loving husband who is there to support you during this time. This is a complete shock to myself as a woman to, as you said, not be able to do something so natural. I personally don’t have a known or an understood fear of penetration, but every time we try my husband also says it is like he is hitting a wall. Even though he is determined to satisfy me and I him, I feel guilty and beat myself up internally for one again not being able to allow my husband in even though I want to. The involuntary tension is beyond frustrating and leaves me feeling alone and like a horrible wife; even though my husband ensures me I am anything but a horrible wife. He has held me and loved me through this time and ensured me we will do whatever it takes to get through it. It sounds like you have a husband who supports you just the same and I believe that makes all the difference during this time; a loving and supportive partner.

Thank you for sharing your story. You’ve encouraged my aching heart by showing me I am not alone. I am so sorry that you and your husband are experiencing this as well. I am definitely going to be praying for you both, one sister in Christ to another.

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