[jsmith13]

Thank you so much recessivegenequeen, Heather34, and Nicole Tammelleo. Your supportive words and encouragement means so much to me! I have often been made to feel so ashamed of my fear of pelvic exams and it is so healing to hear kindnesses. My most recent PCM told me I was going to wake up in a pool of blood and at that point it would be too late to help me. I know she was only trying to get me to agree to a pap smear, but scare tactics are just that…terrifying! And being “scared” into a pap smear seems traumatizing and not at all mentally healthy. I immediately switched doctors but have only seen the new one once because I’m not sure if I can trust her.

The female doctor that performed the pap smear called me…after much hoop jumping, detective work, and trying to figure out who performed the exam. She was very kind and that made me feel better. She even apologized for the way everything went down, she said it was definitely not ideal and she would have preferred to meet me before I was asleep but I guess they were in a rush to put me under. She answered all of my questions and did not rush me off the phone or make me feel like a bother or inconvenience. The bad news was my results were obscured by the blood, so the pap smear was really for nothing…it said the results were not adequate for testing, and that I should retest in 3 to 4 months. The doctor mentioned I had a friable cervix, so I am more terrified now that the issue will just happen again and I don’t know if I can work up the courage to do the pap smear while I’m awake.

Sukemi – I am so sorry for the pain you are experiencing, no one should have to deal with that! I hope you can find a treatment that works great for you and you can enjoy painless sex again. Much love and hugs!

[jsmith13]

Thank you very much for your kind words and hugs, Heather34 and Sks823! As more time passes I am feeling more comfortable with everything, and so very grateful to have had understanding doctors.

[jsmith13]

Hello! I know it’s been several months, but I wanted to share with you that exactly one week ago I had a pap under sedation. It was still a terrifying experience since it happened with less than two weeks notice.

For about two years, I have been seeing a gynecologist for painful breasts. She of course asked me the date of my last pap, and I immediately broke into tears (I have not been treated kindly by doctors when I have admitted I am 29 years old and never had a pap smear or a pelvic exam…and I thought a gynecologist would be the meanest of them all since that is their specialty, but that couldn’t have been farther from the truth!) She was kind and gentle with me and said that was okay. I told her I had vaginismus and sexual abuse in my past and she was very understanding and said we didn’t need to worry about the exams right now. She also mentioned that if I had surgery in the future, I could have a pap smear under sedation.

After trying a few things that unfortunately didn’t work, she referred me to general surgery where I met a wonderful surgeon. She said she would like to do a biopsy…under anesthesia. I mentioned my visit with my gyno and about possibly getting a pap at the same time, and she kindly agreed as long as I coordinated with the women’s health clinic as she didn’t perform those exams herself (no problem).

The surgery was scheduled 9 days later! I was so nervous because I went from not having a pap on my mind, to having one done in less than two weeks.

It was honestly a horrible ordeal, through no fault of my doctors. I don’t think I was fully mentally prepared even though I was asleep. The only doctor (at the time) they could find was a male and I was extremely uncomfortable with that. After meeting him for the first time on the day of surgery, I broke down and started hyperventilating when he asked why I needed it to be done under anesthesia. I started saying I didn’t want to do the pap anymore. He asked if he could find a female doctor if that would be okay, and I said yes. So off to surgery I went, not knowing if the pap would happen while I was asleep.

When I woke up, I immediately felt uncomfortable and very “wet” down there. I started crying. The nurse asked why I was crying and I told her I hurt “down there”. She said they found a female doctor and I did have a pap while asleep. I didn’t know her name or what exactly happened. I cried a lot, feeling very confused and like everything happened too fast.

The wetness wouldn’t go away and it felt like I had urinated in my sleep. So I looked and immediately started crying and paged the nurse. I had so much blood on my legs and vulva it looked like I started my period! They said that was normal…I wasn’t told to expect blood so I was shocked. Over the next few days I cried a lot. The spotting wouldn’t stop and it immediately turned into my period (it was due anyway) so I haven’t stopped bleeding since the pap smear. I hope my emotional state gets better once my period is over. I think if I could meet the doctor and talk to her I will feel better. I think it just happened so fast I didn’t have time to process everything so I’m having a hard time with it. All my doctors and nurses have been wonderful and supportive though.

I apologize for the novel…but if you have any questions, please feel free to ask! You are not alone!

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