[IDontKnowWhatImDoing]

I’m not sure… It’s not the opening skin that’s the problem so much as penetration. It is okay to be touched everywhere (except directly on my clitoris–in that sense i can see vulvodynia…if it can be this specific then I agree with your suggestion, but then, what of the rest?). The first time I tried to have sex, my boyfriend couldn’t enter me. It was as if there was not a hole anymore. It was a slow build up to penetration and sometimes I am just too tense to fit him. I know the muscles can contract pretty hard on his finger when we are warming up.
Yesterday we had tried again and were successful in penetration, but the burning happened deeper inside me. When we finished, I felt so sick to my stomach I couldn’t eat. Now, nearly 24 hours later I feel soreness all over the canal, worsening at the deeper end, rather than the opening. Usually it feels like I had pulled a muscle or intense period cramps. The burning, although there, is not usually as prevalent as the pain of him entering.

[IDontKnowWhatImDoing]

I’m not sure what to think.
I can insert tampons (its a struggle but it works), fingers when I am warmed up, and my boyfriend after a about a half hour of slow insertion and pausing. My problem is the pain. It hurts to be touched down there at all. Its this explosive burning sensation that I can feel in the nerves of my pelvis all the way down my legs. I can bear it for a time but I have to push my boyfriend away frequently and take breaks before wanting to try again. If I can’t get him inside of me, I get so frustrated, sometimes I push myself past pain points to make it work but then the pain takes over and I have to stop. I’ve been reduced to tears in front of him and I hate it because I know it kills him to hurt me. But days after I feel my stomach cramp, I feel incredibly sore, and it hurts to stand up straight, I just curl into a ball afterwards.
I can’t get this off my mind. I know this is affecting my relationships. I don’t want to be scared of this anymore and I want to understand what pain-free sex is.
I also don’t know what I’m expecting from this blog. It’s cool to see I’m not alone but I’m not sure what to do.

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