[Determined]

Hey all! Thought I would check in here again and be brutally honest.
So after achieving penetration this first time, we kinda hit a wall. I continued doing trainers
Always but maybe because it didn’t work as easily, my husband lost a bit of hope.
Sooooo vaginismus for me is not only my own battle but also my husbands which can be tricky.
However, my screen name is not determined for nothing!
I decided to use the biggest trainer which was really difficult at first but I’m now used to it, in the hope this extra ‘room’ or stretching would help. I went through some dark days, tears, mental exhaustion hoping this would make it all work.
And just tonight, it happened again. And wayyyyy easier this time! We tried some thrustingg but most of all, that look of excitement in my husbands eyes sparked something in me-pride, triumph, something like that
Again, I know we aren’t at the end just yet but with my Botox having been done 6 months ago and pretty much worn off, I’m excited to realise that I can still be successful without it which is a HHUGE relief.
I’m definitely not one of those immediate success stories after Botox but I am proof that with perseverance, you can get there one way or the other.
I’m even getting confident now to try different positions and it’s so nice to feel like my body isn’t betraying me anymore (even though again, I still have some more to go!)

[Determined]

Also recessivegenequeen, I really like what you wrote. Will chat about this with my husband and I’m hoping it will help to strengthen our own sexual relationship. It’s so true that communicating and being honest is key!

[Determined]

Oh my gosh! Firstly again a huge thanks for everyone’s support!
WE ACHIEVED PENETRATION YESTERDAY!!!!!!!!!!!
I don’t even know how I feel about this…I had to keep asking if it was in because I didn’t quite believe it! No moving or thrusting this time but I gave up my control, stopped for a few seconds when I felt myself tensing up, my husband was great talking me through it, reminding me to relax and viola! I know there’s still a way to go but oh my goodness!!!!!!
Everyone’s help and advice is so appreciated!
I’ll keep you guys updated as I’m hoping maybe others get some encouragement from these posts!
WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

[Determined]

Hey guys!
In need of some support/advice. My husband has now seen the doctor for a bit of help (yayy) but we tried intercoyrse this morning with no luck.
I dilated beforehand-that went in with no issue but I’m now finding it’s hard to get a position that works. The best was probably on my back with a pillow under my bottom to get a better angle. I still find I’m pushing his leg away because I’m not in control. I didn’t end up getting upset and neither did he but frustrated would be the right word.
I guess I’m just having a down day and need some encouragement and a pick me up. We were really close today but the more fiddling and changing positions that happened, I guess we both just got annoyed.
How many times did you guys try before achieving success??

[Determined]

Thanks for the reply.
I actually put the dilator in sitting up the other night and it went in really easy now so will try this way with my husband. My husband has currently hit a wall in that because I’ve had the problem so long, he now feels maybe he can’t perform. It has taken a little gentle encouragement for him to go to the doctors to get something to help-for my husband his pride always gets in the way. Any tips from ladies here? I’ve tried to tell him it’s not his issue, any male would struggle initially going through the same thing and the extra help (pill) will only be temporary so we can achieve penetration successfully and move on. It takes the pressure off him. It seems he thinks in the opposite way sometimes…
I am going to try on top now though since I know I can do it.
The physio has really helped me with dilator exercises so I feel confident that even as the Botox starts wearing off, I’ll be fine!
I’ll keep in touch for those interested-hoping this forum is helping others even if they don’t actually post.

[Determined]

Oh the lube is the funniest part! Also love when my cat decides to snuggle between my legs in the middle of dilating!! So many funny stories.
I’m getting there…dilating every day and now need to try penetration again. It’s so fiddle sometimes, it’s like I need to build confidence every time I change position which gets to be so annoying.
Getting there though! I’ve also been told that if partner inserts dilator, that helps with control aspects-I want to let loose so bad, and there are times I feel completely relaxed, and then work out I’m not really.
Thanks again for the tips! Always welcome to other ideas, tips etc

[Determined]

Hey Lauren,
Appreciate the reply. I have tried on top but find this to be a bit awkward (perhaps too much lube so slippery haha).
I just want to ask-did you dilate sitting up like this first or not? I find I get comfortable in my dilating position and it’s weird moving.
I really do need to get over the control aspect as I think that’s my main problem at the moment.
Thanks ladies for the help-so nice to feel supported.

[Determined]

Staying present! Great way to put it. All the psychological stuff dragged me down for so many years and I’m finally coming around to believing I can finally get through this.
My body and mind would just shut off for me and I feel like they are communicating now with this issue.
I’m looking forward to trying the suggestions…on my back might work better-I’m just used to dilating propped up that being on my back feels weird now but this will be a better angle for my husband.
Also just wanted to give a shout out to all those women dilating today, everyday or anytime! We rock for doing it and having to physically and mentally prepare for the process each time 🙂

[Determined]

Thanks for that..I’m practicing this way as putting my legs up on his shoulders makes me feel uncomfortable.
Yes my husband sadly is having worries about maintaining an erection and I’ve suggested some help-he doesn’t love discussing this but he’s coming around.
I feel like we are so very close so I’ll try spreading my legs a bit further and guiding it in.
Thanks for the help!

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