[anamika123]

Hi all,

My story is very very similar to that of Briggs’. But we are married for about just 2 years and we are already in our thirties. I completely appreciate the empathetic response posted by another lady. God bless you!

Importantly things aggravate when the partner is in denial and defensive about the issue. It causes more stress on the male partner. Interestingly, personalities play a role in this. “I am not Wrong” personalities make lives miserable even though the other person is compassionate and want a win-win situation.

Adding to this, in a patriarchal society like that of India, though there are offensive men, objectifying women, “the good lot” of males suffer immensely. this is because, you will be over-judged and misconstrued to be seen in the light of patriarchy prevalent in general society and if ever you say that you have done a favour not being patriarchal then you will be branded on easily. Moreover, now in the transition phase of Indian culture, woman either dominate or overpower and when it is not working can play a victim card.

When my wife acts in the above mentioned ways, I get really depressed (scientific depression, I am a doctor myself by the way). Its the end of the road, utterly helpless. This point of discord extends to our general behaviour, like what Briggs said, disconnect creeps in. “Not just my vagina, but my mind/thoughts contract when you speak, I cant listen to your shitty ideology” My wife also extends the problem my applying the general attributes of patriarchy or right wing ideology to her problem even though I am reasonably liberal but I am a believer. She is a taciturn who revealed some of her past after few months of marriage. Though it was a shocker, I could cope up as I saw a good human being in her despite the past incidents of abuse or the decisions she made of her life, which are so perplex to decode. but sometimes this suspiciousness pops up because of her taciturnity that she is not sharing what she should and suffering inside.

Above all, she is very hard working and highly accomplished. All I request her is to navigate through this problem together and give our best and accept the rest. I wish she stops finding my faults of being a regular guy involving in trivial fun, spending some unproductive time, expecting her to reciprocate my kindness and respect my family and friends which currently is not the case.

Never imagined my life would be so complex!

[Author]

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