[Ammon_2]

Recessivegenequeen, I want to thank you for your reply and your encouragement. And you’re right, it’s never too late. It just seems to have been put secondary for so long that it never is discussed any longer and the older I get now it just drops so much further behind. I know her desire has all but faded and the way she was raised was to never speak about it and after finding out her uncle was a molester makes it understandable. I’ve made up my mind to speak with her about it again and to seek help on my part so that I’m prepared to help if possible. My spine surgery has surely not helped things.

I had hoped as I got older that it would be less important but I was clearly wrong. It’s hard sometimes not to notice an attractive young woman. I even find myself looking at young families with young children and thinking, “well at least they got it right.” Or saying to myself, “why did this happen to me? But the one thing I feel in my heart and hear myself saying more than anything is “that young woman accepted her husband and loved him enough to give everything of herself, fully accepting him and why will mine not do that?” And so, here we come into the holidays with Thanksgiving and Christmas and I watch kids and moms and dads enjoying those days and I cannot and it grieves me that it’s something that I will miss again this year. Giving them gifts, enjoying the lights at Christmas like I did with my family as a kid, and watching the look of surprise and wonder on their faces. All of this I learned my wife never had as a kid with her family. I can only HOPE that one day it will all change. As a Christian, I have this one promise that He will give me peace and let me know why one day. Again, thank you for your response.

[Ammon_2]

Thanks Mazemelissa!
I’ve always desired to have the kind of intimate relationship that comes with a marriage. To me, a sexual relationship is the ultimate acceptance by someone of who and what you are. And after being a rather large person all my life, it was my ultimate hope that after I was married I would have that acceptance. Yet, that was not to be. I find myself at that point where I am envious of my friends who have children and grandchildren. Plus I’ve reached a point where I’m seeing some of my friends passing on now and I’m looking back on life and wondering what could I have done differently. Of course holidays are always difficult because I have no children or grandchildren to share that with. My post was not so much about being angry and hurt because of the lack of intimacy with my wife. It’s as much of loving someone so much that I’ve had to learn to have patience and forgiveness while not having the same understanding returned when I’ve expressed concern about it. But like you said she has to desire the change. Thanks so much for your reply!

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