It sounds like besides the vaginismus itself preventing penetration, you’re also having a lot of trouble with talking about the subject and communicating effectively with your husband. Therapy might help, as others have said – both for you individually, and for both you and your husband together. Vaginismus doesn’t have to mean that you don’t have a sex life, if you and your partner communicate well and are creative about what you try in bed. (A sex toy reviewer I know has vaginismus and it doesn’t stop them from having tons of fun with their partner.)