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October 21, 2014 at 8:32 am #13486
Sending the ladies being treated this week well wishes and positive thoughts!!! :):):)November 10, 2014 at 12:38 am #135232239Participant
I have been married for three years and Vaginismus has truly tested everything that I am. Getting diagnosed with the” big v, ” was not really a game changer until I realized how this issue was affecting my marriage and my ability to conceive and consummate. I have been to what I consider the best PT’S in and out of state. Yet my condition only gets to a certain point and then I am back at square one again. I am 36 years old and I desire to have children. This condition takes away from what nature intended. My hubs and I really struggle. This is my last resort. We have tried everything. Reading others blogs makes me feel 50/50.Some people say it worked,others say it didn’t. I really need this to work, otherwise I should have become a nun. I feel sorry for my husband,he has a child from a previous relationship way before I came along. I just feel like as a woman I am dysfunctional below the belly button. The big V is a silent sadness. We are not crazy,some of us have never been abused,we where just born with a condition. Prayerfully, a condition that wont keep us silently chained.December 28, 2014 at 6:57 pm #13579
Hi 2239. I am so, so sorry to read of your struggles with vaginismus. I am 37 and struggled with it as well all through my 20s and early 30s. My hubby was previously married and his ex had zero problems having sex so I struggled with this constantly. I tried many times to push him away but, thank God, he didn’t move. I tried PT and the vag.com book with dilators but could never insert them past the wall of resistance (the great wall as the hubby called it). It was just impossible and I wanted so bad to have GYN exams but, this too, never happened and was a nightmare. I ended up finding Dr. P on-line and having this procedure in 2011 and believe it was one of the best decisions of my life. My hubby and I were able to make love for the first time with zero pain and this is something that was simply impossible prior. Please know that I am here to support you with your journey of overcoming.December 28, 2014 at 9:56 pm #13581Dr. PacikParticipant
I maintain statistics on inquiries who have had vaginismus for 15 years or more. n=the number of patients. ( Primary and Secondary Vag.)
Currently: 15 years or more (n=44) of which 24=20y or more,
30y or more (n=7) of which one pt.=44 yrs (age 65). This last patient (44 years) has spent a lifetime seeking and failing more treatments than can be imagined.
These are sad statistics and represent lives that have not been fulfilled. All of these women have had treatment attempts which did not work.
So whether you have had vaginismus for six months or many years it becomes important to seek treatment which has a good track record and not delay too much longer. At the very least complete the questionnaires that can be requested on our contact form so I can do a complimentary review and phone call consultation.
http://www.vaginismusmd.com/contact/April 7, 2015 at 9:23 am #137151511Participant
My name is Renae, I am 30 years old, I live in Australia and I have been suffering from Vaginismus since I was 17 years old.
I have been with my wonderful husband for 14 years, we have been married for 4 years and still to this date we have not been able to consummate our marriage. I unfortunately lost my virginity at a young age when I was not ready or willing and since then sex seems impossible. We have kept our story secret for so long and this is the first time I have actually spoken out to others. I cant believe how good this first step feels!
Like others who have posted so many stories, I know how it feels to feel isolated, broken and emotional at the thought. It doesnt help that every joke, magazine, movie or TV episode contains sex and its always in the back of your mind. I always wonder why cant I be the same, how can it be so easy for them, surely its not that hard, why me?
Its time for me to stop making excuses and avoiding the obvious, I need to overcome this for myself and my husband and I finally believe with the support of Dr Pacik and the team that I can.
My husband and I would really love the opportunity to live a healthy and happy life and have children – I look forward to the very special day that I can hold our baby in my arms and know what we have accomplished together to get there.
My journey begins
RenaeApril 19, 2015 at 6:04 pm #13732Nav123Participant
Hi everyone I live in the uk and im 32 years old been married now for 6 years and me and my husband have not been able to consummate our marriage at all. Every attempt is failed and is I started to seek therapy from a sex therapist 2 years ago I also bought the dilator set 2 years ago from the vag.com website. However I could still not get past dilator 1 although finger insertion from my husband I can just about tolerate dilator insertion I can’t, not withouth burning pain! So sought out a gynaecologist in London who administers Botox injections . He did a brief pelvic exam and diagnosed me with grade 3 vaginismus elevation of the buttocks even under anathema I was spasming, I’ve had the Botox and a hymen incision done 3 weeks ago and due to go see him with some help to insert a dilator and I’m really scared!! I know my body can do it but I can’t control my thoughts around inserting because I think it will be painful. I hopefully will be able to insert tomorrow.April 20, 2015 at 3:41 pm #13733Nav123Participant
Hi all I went for my appointment today and got the smallest dilator in after a q tip was inserted and left for 5 mins I was surprised it was not painful but my anxiety on being inserted was very high to the point where I felt I was going to pass out because I wasn’t breathing properly and felt very anxious. The Botox has worked because the dilator goes in and I could move it in and out without pain.September 26, 2015 at 6:07 pm #13873WesttexasParticipant
By way of introducing myself: I am 64 years old and have secondary vaginismus, post-menopausal. I was happily living alone, quite celibate for the past twenty years, and almost completely celibate for the five years before that. I was sexually active with no problems throughout my twenties and thirties. No problems at all. Almost no sexual activity in my 40’s, but no problems. At age 50, I had one failed attempt at intercourse — encountering the “wall” for the first time. I did not have any romantic / sexual relationships after that, until — surprise, surprise — I fell in love, this past summer, at the age of 63. Thank goodness, an acquaintance of my partner suggested I search the term “vaginismus” and that quickly led me to Dr. Pacik’s practice. Peter and Janet have been extremely supportive, long distance, without me having any possibility of getting to the northeast before Dr. Pacik’s retirement. He and Janet told me what I needed. My Primary care physician was happy to accommodate me; I purchased a set of dilators at the recommended size; watched the DVD, read the book, got more information, and progressed from the smallest of my set (a #4) to 5. Because of Peter and Janet’s encouragement, I do not lose hope, despite being “stuck” at dilator number 5 and unable to have intercourse.
Even with my vulvar atrophy, the new sexuality I experience is beyond anything in my youth. I am fortunate in my partner being utterly open to talking, laughing, and maintaining throughout this difficulty.
I have a question, that perhaps belongs under a different topic (let me know). I wonder if digital penetration and some partial penetration with the penis, may be hindering my progress, by repeatedly creating micro-tearing. Should I leave the vagina alone, except with dilators?
In the meantime, thank you all for being part of this forum. And thanks to Heather for great moderating.September 28, 2015 at 7:57 am #13874
Hi Westtexas. Welcome to the Forum and thank you for your post. I am so sorry for your struggles with vaginismus and I am so happy that you have found Dr. Pacik as well as this Forum. I, too, struggled with vaginismus in the past prior to finding Dr. Pacik and I so well understand the frustrations that accompany it. I am so happy that you have found love and it is so, so wonderful and very exciting.
1. Dilators. I think it is excellent that you are currently working with the vaginal dilators. Which dilators are you using – the Pacik Glass set or Pure Romance? I have used both and there are so many qualities that I like about each individual set.
2. Lubricants. Also, which lubricant are you currently using? I have used so many different types and have opinions and thoughts on several of them. One in particular that I do like is YES lubricant.
Dr. Pacik has written in the past:
“When dilators feel too dry on removal it is due to the water based lube absorbing. Here are a few tricks: Use a silicone lube first, then the water based on top of this. The silicone based lube will still be on the dilator in the morning; Try using olive oil as a base on the dilator, then the water based lube; Twist the dilator before removing to break the seal.” And, the YES site https://www.yesyesyes.org/vaginismus/ directly mentions this technique to help aid woman with vaginismus.
I also have used Hydrocortisone cream in the past and others have written the following concerning this:
“Dr. Pacik’s suggestion to use Hydrocortisone Cream has been a HUGE help for me. My lady bits are just so dang sensitive!!! I bought Hydrocortizone10 in the Cooling Gel formula for during the day and I’ve felt SO much better – then I’ve been using the Hydrocoritzone10 in the ointment for adding to my lube mix with dilating at night. I honestly can’t believe how much that’s helped me feel better the last couple days.”
You wrote, “Because of Peter and Janet’s encouragement, I do not lose hope, despite being “stuck” at dilator number 5 and unable to have intercourse.” Please do not lose hope and please, please know that you will succeed and overcome. There were so many instances throughout my own journey where I would have discomfort and pain and feel stuck one day and the very next day or even next week or next month, it would be a completely different story. Please know that I am here to support and help you every step of the way!!!
I have a question … I wonder if digital penetration and some partial penetration with the penis, may be hindering my progress, by repeatedly creating micro-tearing. Should I leave the vagina alone, except with dilators?
Every time that I would ever feel consistent soreness, I spoke to Dr. Pacik for advice and thoughts and would back down a dilator size and take a little break from finger/tip penetration with my husband and then when feeling less sore, I would work my way back up to this. I think the Hydrocortisone cream really really helped me and I would recommend this to you and anyone reading this.
I wanted to leave you with an excerpt from another Forum member concerning her journey with post-menopausal secondary vaginismus. I look forward to reading your future posts and, again, please, please know that I am here for you 100%! Sending big hugs!
Heather, you had asked me “what else has been helpful to you in the immediate days/first months post-procedure…..” I think one of the most important things to do is to stay as positive and determined as you can. If you go through some “rough spots” keep going and never give up. Also, that it isn’t a race. We are all individuals and progress with dilation at different rates. If you keep at it, you will succeed! : ) I went through many stages of frustration, but Dr. P., his staff and also the support of the forum members helped me so much. One of my biggest road blocks when I first started dilating was dealing with vaginal infections and reacting to every lube that I tried. If anyone else is having issues with lubes, I found Pure Coconut Oil was the trick for me. I haven’t had a vaginal infection since using it.”September 28, 2015 at 3:29 pm #13880WesttexasParticipant
Thank you for the welcome and response. I use the pyrex dilators but am open to adding the silicone set (Pure Romance), especially if the set would provide a dilator that seems in between the 5 and 6, either in actual size or in the feel. I use Slippery stuff, which is as the name implies, but it does seem to vanish. Lots of natural oil — cold pressed coconut oil, included.
The treatment with Estrace has been very effective in turning around the dryness. The Estrace also provided the leap from 4 to 5, after Peter and Janet encouraged me, and I cornered my local doc (small town) and got the prescription. I also use Vagifem. Same doc gave me his entire supply of samples, I think.
I appreciate and agree with the power of envisioning good things, good outcomes, and keeping on. Oh, and the hydrocortisone gel suggestion is just the tip I needed. I remember someone mentioning it on the forum. I needed the reminder.September 29, 2015 at 6:49 am #13881
Hi Westtexas. While it’s always best to talk to Peter and Janet for their thoughts, I think the Pure Romance dilator set could be an excellent addition. I’ve used both this set as well as the Glass dilators. Prior to using these, I tried the hard plastic ones from another site and had no success whatsoever. Some things that I love about the Pure Romance set is the feel of the actual dilator – softer and more flexible. I also love the fact that it has a large handle on the bottom which helped me to insert, remove, and re-insert. I also felt that all of the dilators in this set held the massive amounts of lubricant that I put on them which also made insertion and keeping it in doable and more comfortable for me. If you do order and use this set, please let us know your thoughts on here as it may help other members who are also dilating. Also, please let us know your thoughts on the Hydrocortisone gel. I love the power of positivity and envisioning good things, good outcomes, and keeping on. Please know that I am here for you every step of the way. Sending big hugs.October 23, 2015 at 11:04 pm #13906lorahParticipant
hi, my name is Lora, i’m new to this forum so i’m not even sure i’m posting this in the correct place. basically, i wasn’t sure where to go to ask questions and happened upon this website. i’m a young adult and I’ve only had intercourse once and honestly it didn’t go too well in terms of lubrication and comfort on my part. it was difficult to let him enter me and even though initially he entered, it didn’t last very long because he couldn’t really move. i felt my vagina was simply too small to accommodate, which i know shouldn’t be the case, and because of the lack of adequate lubrication it wasn’t really a possibility to create movement. basically i feel like my vagina is just too small and i think my anxieties about sex /even though i like the idea of having sex/ may have contributed to the tightness of it. I’ve been reading about vaginismus and a lot of the symptoms, so to speak, match up with what i feel even though I’ve only had sex once. when i’m alone and experimenting with myself i am sometimes lubricated enough but still feel that uncomfortable tightness, like even though i’m sufficiently aroused, penetration with anything bigger than fingers still feels like it wouldn’t be possible. /sorry about being so graphic/ i’m really scared to have sex again for fear i’ll feel closed up and too tight to go through with it. the thought of that makes me very nervous. basically i’m not sure what i should do, surely i can’t go see a doctor and tell them i think i might have vaginismus when i have such little sexual experience. any help would be greatly appreciated.October 29, 2015 at 8:26 am #13908
Hi Lora! Welcome to the Forum and thank you for your post. I am so sorry for what you are currently going through. I have some thoughts that may help.
Vaginismus.com has an absolutely excellent script that is very helpful as a means of talking to your physician about vaginismus:
Sample Script: Self-Guided History of Sexual Pain
1. Introduce the problem:
“I have been having problems with pain during sex and hope you will be able to help me.”
2.Provide a description of the pain (be specific):
•It happens when …”my husband tries insert his penis in my vagina” or “once he is inside and starts to move I feel burning and tighten up”, etc.
•The pain is located …”at the entrance to my vagina. My vagina is like a wall; he just cannot get it in.” or “after he is inside I feel burning around the penis just inside the entrance”, etc.
•The pain lasts …”as long as he keeps trying, especially if we try forcing it in. Once he stops there is no pain.”
•This has been happening since …”our honeymoon two years ago and has continued to happen every time we try to have sex” (primary vaginismus) or “my hysterectomy eight months ago”(secondary vaginismus), etc. [Note: Inform your doctor if you have been able to previously have sexual intercourse without pain.]
•It feels like …”burning”, “stinging”, “like he’s hitting a wall”, “tightness during/on entry”, etc.
•I have tried to reduce or eliminate the pain by …”using lubricant, changing sexual positions, relaxing more.”
•I am able / unable to …”insert a tampon or complete a gynecological exam.”
3.Mention any past problems:
Have you previously had any sexually transmitted diseases, yeast infections, bladder problems, or any pelvic pain outside of penetration?
4.State what you think the problem is:
“I think it may be vaginismus. My symptoms are similar to those outlined in an article I read. However, I have read there are other things that can cause pain during sex and would like to have them ruled out.”
An idea would be calling a doctor’s office prior to going to see one.
In an excellent post, Vashalla recently wrote “One thing I did when I was looking around is calling the office and asking to speak with a nurse. When I got the nurse, I explained my situation and asked if the doctor knew what vaginismus was, and if she’d had any experience with it. It’s hard to talk about, especially to a complete stranger who may just think you’re crazy, but I much preferred doing that to having to make appointment after appointment trying to find a good doctor. I just don’t have the time or the money to bounce from one doctor to the next.”
Should you not want to visit a doctor yet, another idea would be to try working with vaginal dilators. I have used the Pure Romance set along with Pacik glass ones and have thoughts and tips that I could share with you on both.
Ok, please know that I am here for you and send my support 100%! Sending you big hugs today!November 9, 2015 at 1:02 am #13923lorahParticipant
Hi again, thank you for the kind words and advice, it’s really helpful. I’m just worried about approaching a health professional about this because I’ve only had sex once. Wouldn’t I need more experience to know whether this could be vaginismus/actually a problem at all and not just my anxieties? Questions about the vaginal dilators; would vaginal dilators be an option for me when I’m not sure if I have vaginismus? Have they worked for undiagnosed women before? How do they work? Anv other advice/thoughts you have would be greatly appreciated, thanksSeptember 4, 2016 at 8:37 pm #19677Christine_Marie_Sommers85Participant
I just found this forum today. I have been struggling with vaginusm since March of this year. My boyfriend and I have been trying to have sex since probably the beginning of the year. I mean we do other things sexual just not regular intercourse. I have the book on how to completely over vaginusm along with 6 dilators. I am on the 5th dilator & im having trouble getting the whole thing in. I’ve tried using lube applicators, it says try having an orgasm. I can’t seem to have one. I try to think of me & boyfriend fooling around to get me excited that doesn’t help, he has sent me pics, that hasn’t helped either. Only time I get excited is when I’m not using the dilators.i have a dildo, I tried using that & it won’t go in. No clue why…maybe my opening is to small. I got most of the dilators in just not the dildo. I just need some major help & advice. I called my gyno, waiting to hear back from her. I am also wondering if I need a sex therapist too?
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