Finally ready to start treatment

[abstractallie]

Hi everyone, my name is Allie and I have vaginismus. I think I’ve always had it, I remember it being impossible and traumatizing to try to get a tampon in when I was 12, and was never able to get a tampon in until I was 18 – and even then it was very difficult. I never knew I had a problem until I got married – I have been married for 5 years now and have never experienced intercourse. my husband is super supportive and he feels satisfied with the way our sexual life is now. But I would like to experience more. I am able to get his finger inside of me, but most of the time it hurts really bad and I can’t let it stay there for too long. Vaginal exams with a speculum are excruciating. I really want to try pelvic floor therapy and I think I’m finally ready. What’s held me back all these years I think is that it’s going to take work and I’m afraid of failing. I’m afraid of getting treatment and it still not working. I don’t want to deal with the disappointment. I’m afraid that even if we do end up having intercourse, it won’t be as good as I’m hoping it to be. It seems like it might be easier to just leave things the way they are, especially since we get along so well and he says he is happy and satisfied. But I think I need to do this for me. I want to be able to feel like a full woman and experience what others get to experience. Without pain!

[Heather]

Hello again! I saw your second post before this one, haha! I’m so so happy you have such a supportive partner! And I think you 100% deserve to know how wonderful sex is! In the beginning, it is a learning experience to find what you like and what you don’t but it is a wonderful experience to go through with your husband! I did so with mine 🙂 You are deserving of this and I know you can do it! Don’t fear failure, vaginismus may seem stubborn and unstoppable but it is NOT as strong as you are! I think seeing a physical therapist is a GREAT idea! I saw one for a while and she gave me a lot of amazing tips and tricks to help those stubborn muscles! Find yourself a doctor that doesn’t make you do anything you are scared to do. My therapist always told me that she does her job not to hurt but to help and she always moved at my pace. Finding a good doctor like that is key! There are sooooooo many options and tricks to learn to defeat vaginismus, you just gotta get started! You can do this!!!

[recessivegenequeen]

Hi Allie – thanks so much for sharing how you’ve been feeling all this time. I think you have so articulately shared the reasoning behind why so many of us wait a long time to seek treatment for something we desperately want to cure. The thought of really, REALLY trying to seek treatment and still failing is terrifying – in a way it’s more comforting to believe that options still exist that we just haven’t sought out yet. But this is our brains tricking us into staying unhappy. For one thing, seeking treatment will incur results for just about everyone that are better than the situation of being in immense pain, and can often help you with the emotions of vaginismus like shame, guilt, embarrassment, self-loathing, and struggling to connect intimately with our partners. I am so glad I’m now able to have pain-free intercourse, nut perhaps the biggest gain has been that I have rid myself of the emotional burden that not being able to feel like a “normal woman” caused on my relationships. I am so proud that you recognize that what you stand to gain can be so much greater than your fear. Please let us know how it goes! I’m pulling for you!

[Sks823]

abstractallie,

CONGRATULATIONS on deciding to start treatment. It’s almost like what people say about going to the gym or going on a run, “the hardest part is getting yourself out the door” or something like that. Choosing to start treatment and taking that first step is SO difficult, but it really gets so much easier. Even though my first several appointments at Maze (using dilators) were very very stressful and I had moments of doubt that I could do it, little milestone “wins” like being able to use tampons comfortably, moving up in dilator size, etc. made it all worth it and made things SO much easier.

So I really really related to this! recessivegenequeen’s response hit the nail on the head with regards to being able to feel like a “normal woman” in relationships. Going through treatment is SO worth it for just that weight off your shoulders of worrying about sex/penetration/being “normal.”

The “it’s going to take work and I’m afraid of failing” is something I’ve definitely felt before and understand. But vaginismus is so treatable and really just takes some time and determination! YOU CAN DO THIS! 🙂