Ten years of Vaginismus and now a NEWLYWED

[Lovelee19]

I am 29 years old and was diagnosed with vaginismus at the age of 19 during my first pap smear attempt. I knew something was wrong ever since I was 12 years old and tried to insert a tampon for the first time and could not. My mom said it was because I was still a virgin and not to worry about it until I was older. After being diagnosed with this nothing happened until I was 24 years old when I decided to take matters into my own hand and get physical therapy. That is where my journey really started and with the help of an AMAZING therapist here in RI I was able to use a tampon and dilators. I didn’t quite finish because i turned 26 and my insurance ran out. Now i am 29 and I just got married and the vaginismus is still there as we have tried intercourse and it is still there slightly which is why I am joining this forum because I want to try the bot ox treatment at MAZE. I’m looking for those of you who have had the treatment so I can learn more. Its so hard because after all these years of looking forward to being married I just thought our honeymoon the problem would magically disappear and we would have earth shattering sex but that just wasn’t the case. Now blaming God and religion for brainwashing me to wait until marriage and when we really did just that this is what happened. We have only been married two months and have had nasty arguments that only ended up in tears after trying to have intercourse. I use the dilators ten to fifteen minutes before we try yet it still won’t go in all the way and we use coconut oil for lube and yes i tried the Ky but it makes me burn down there – maybe you all have other suggestions? Sometimes it feels as though he is just to big for me – hes even wider than the last dialtor size i use that i got from vaginismus.com. I feel like this is the last hurdle we have to jump and its so exhausting i just want it to work that i am considering the Botox but i am also scared that it won’t work.

I am also tired of Christians saying that i need to pray about this, try yoga, ask me if i’m not wet enough, or the best one yet “You know there are other ways to satisfy each other that don’t have to do with intercourse” as if i don’t already fucking know that. I have a great sex drive and have done oral sex and everything in between since I was 19 years old I”m sorry that now I want to have intercourse the old fashion way with my husband. People are so annoying and ignorant. I’m so glad I found this forum because literally NO ONE understand this disorder unless you have it. I’m trying not to lose hope but when people like my uncle who is a RN tells me that is psychological and that I have trust issues since “even people who have been raped can have sex” as if that is supposed to give me great hope.

Sigh. I can’t- anyone else have any ridiculous comments they received from people who are trying to “help” comment below- I’m here for you.

[Heather]

I have also suffered with vaginismus for 10 years. I knew something was wrong when all my girlfriends were talking about getting fingered in highschool and how great it was. I tried to do it myself and couldn’t get even just 1 finger in. I couldn’t use tampons either. But I brushed it off. Thought maybe my body wasn’t developed yet or something. But then I got in a serious relationship, I was with him for 6 years and still we had not had sex. I tried getting super drunk, getting super high, I tried hard drugs, I tried just dealing with the pain. There was no way I would have been able to do physical therapy. My gyn had given me an extreme muscle relaxer and as soon as she put her pinky in there I was having a melt down. I got angry and gave up altogether. Until 1 day I tried dilators. After spending weeks trying to get past the 2nd size I called Maze. I couldn’t take it anymore. I had my procedure Nov. 19th and 38 days later my Husband and I were having sex. He stuck it out for 6 and a half years and now we are having sex like you’d only see in hot and heavy movies. That procedure was worth every penny. I never knew it before, I never knew it could be so life changing,I literally changed as a person too. I will forever be greatful to Maze. If you’re sick of this battle, let Maze win it for you. If you want my full story it is in this forum and it is called The End Of My Nightmare 2018 and it is in the Success Stories section. I go over all the details of the procedure! I wish you so much luck. Keep fighting. Sex is sooooooo worth it!

[Sks823]

Lovelee19,

I am so sorry for what you’ve gone through (I can truly relate) and the reactions from people around you who just don’t understand. I am so glad you’re on your way to overcoming vaginismus for good and have found this forum. Please don’t blame yourself at all for waiting for marriage – none of this is your fault at all!

Yes, I relate; friends, family members, and partners said I just need to relax, try drinking, just try again and again (“it’s supposed to hurt your first time”) but no one truly understood until I went to Maze where I overcame my vaginismus with dilating (back in 2016)! They’ve heard it all and so I wasn’t embarrassed to tell them anything! My therapist (Nicole T) was amazing throughout my journey!

Please keep us updated on your progress – everyone’s story and timeline is different but I KNOW you can overcome your vaginismus!

Heather – also super happy to hear your amazing success story, which is similar to my own!!

[recessivegenequeen]

Lovelee19 – so sorry to hear all that you’ve been through (though of course like so many of us, I can relate). I’m yet another woman who suffered for 10 years before finally successfully seeking treatment at Maze using the botox procedure. I never could have been cured without it – my vaginismus was severe and my anxiety incurable without the help of the clinic’s doctors and help of Maze’s unique process – waking up with a large dilator inside me and realizing my vagina was normal (and thus that I stood a chance of having a normal sex life) was a breakthrough I never could have gotten to on my own.

I agree with Heather – the botox procedure was worth every penny and was some of the best money I’ve ever spent. It’s hard to believe when you’re in the middle of things how completely your life can change when you get your sex life back – it takes away so much shame and feeling of abnormality and replaces it with a sense of strength and autonomy. I’d highly recommend at least looking into it and giving Maze a call just to see if it seems like a good fit for you. We’re happy to answer any questions you have along the way!

[Jennifer Dembo, LMSW]

Lovelee19,

Thanks so much for writing and sharing your story, which is representative of what we hear from women ALL the time both on this forum and in our offices.

Sexual pain stirs up so much emotionally, physically, and inter-personally. It calls into question just about everything – our history, messages we receive spiritually, culturally, socially. Anxiety, frustration and anger often accompany the physiological, and you effort to reach out here speaks to your bravery, your resiliency and your inner strength.

We are slammed with sexual content in the media (one study suggests teens, for example, are exposed to it 143 times per week), but how much of that content highlights discomfort? NO ONE talks about it and therefore, it leaves those who experience it feeling like their pain is a personal failure. And if the condition isn’t being discussed, then neither is treatment.

Lovelee19 – vaginismus is highly treatable. Please call us at Maze – we are only too happen to answer your questions, discuss treatment options, and most of all, LISTEN. No matter how you choose to go forward (and leave no stone unturned when it comes to your health!), I wish you only the best.

[Jennifer Dembo, LMSW]

Lovelee19,

Thanks so much for writing and sharing your story, which is representative of what we hear from women ALL the time both on this forum and in our offices.

Sexual pain stirs up so much emotionally, physically, and inter-personally. It calls into question just about everything – our history, messages we receive spiritually, culturally, socially. Anxiety, frustration and anger often accompany the physiological, and your effort to reach out here speaks to your bravery, your resiliency and your inner strength.

We are slammed with sexual content in the media (one study suggests teens, for example, are exposed to it 143 times per week), but how much of that content highlights discomfort? NO ONE talks about it and therefore, it leaves those who experience it feeling like their pain is a personal failure. And if the condition isn’t being discussed, then neither is treatment.

Lovelee19 – vaginismus is highly treatable. Please call us at Maze – we are only too happen to answer your questions, discuss treatment options, and most of all, LISTEN. No matter how you choose to go forward (and leave no stone unturned when it comes to your health!), I wish you only the best.