NO LONGER NEED DILATORS!!!
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June 19, 2020 at 8:43 pm #30857HeatherParticipant
So for a long time after I had my BOTOX procedure and began having sex, I’d still have to dilate first. Whatever no big deal. A tiny price to pay to be able to have SEX!
Well, .. even after being able to have sex, if you’re anything like me, my body and mind still weren’t 100% where I wanted them to be and sex would be painful still at times, only slightly, and I never really found it pleasurable up there. I’d always make my hubby wear a cock ring to at least stimulate the clit. Thank GOD he gave us one lol. But I’m hear to tell you, don’t get discouraged if you relate to this! BOTOX was my saving grace and I’ll forever cherish the life these amazing women gave to me! Without my BOTOX procedure, dilating wouldn’t even be possible for me. My case was just so bad and so painful and so relentless, but the women at Maze really were my front line soldiers and got me to where I am today! Darn ol’ vaginismus still may take you some time to fully kick her a** out of your life! It did for me, but she’s 100% gone now!
I kept up with dilating, and did massages in there with a tiny dilator. Literally you just insert a small dilator in there and use the tip to gently push against your walls going clock wise. I also researched pelvic stretches that you can do on a yoga mat and breathing techniques to open you up. All of these were very helpful!!
I’m now to the point where I can’t even remember the last time I had to dilate. My husband and I can jump right to sex now. I’m able to switch up positions now and I can actually FEEL pleasure in there. It took over a year for me for the pleasure to fully be there but every step of this process was worth it!! Good things really do take time.
What I think is, your mind still has to unlearn all the negative thoughts and feelings towards sex since vaginismus is such a haunting and depressing thing to go through and experience. You need to replace all those thoughts and feelings and fear with positive ones! So your brain will allow you to relax and enjoy sex rather than fear it. I feared it for 10 years, so naturally it took my mind a little bit of time to unlearn all that and grasp that sex is INCREDIBLE and safe, and intimate and that I deserved it. I also think it’s kinda the same for your body. You need to teach those muscles that it’s okay to relax! It’s okay to open up for sex!
Vaginismus is a process. It really is. Even after being able to have sex for the first time, there still is work to be done. Maybe not for all but for me there was!
But now, a year and a half later(this post is super late btw I stopped dilating and started feeling amazing pleasure from my vagina alone maybe like 4 months ago.) I’m having mindblowing sex with my husband and it has deepened our marriage and every part of this process was worth it!
Just wanted to share this 🙂 Because I myself really thought I was still doomed! I thought, maybe I just won’t be 100% and I have to accept that. Have patience, dilate, stretch, and always have control in the bedroom because your comfort comes FIRST. And you will see the day where vaginismus is no longer ever present!June 25, 2020 at 11:12 am #31070mazemelissaModerator
I love this post! Thank you so much for sharing Heather.
I think it is so important to talk about how you have to keep working at your treatment after you have intercourse and that vaginismus is something that you can cure.
I love that you mentioned the pelvic stretches and breathing exercises. I think those are so important to incorporate to help connect the mind and body, and remember vaginismus affects the whole body, not just the vagina.
So happy for you!
MelissaJune 25, 2020 at 5:14 pm #31098Jennifer Dembo, LMSWParticipant
I love this post, too!! Thank you so much, @Heather, and we couldn’t be happier for you!
Your emphasis on the “process” part of all of this is critical, and one that can’t be underestimated. We always say: your brain and your vagina have to communicate. It can take some time before that connection is established (or in many cases, re-established).
Congratulations, and thank you for your inspiring message!July 3, 2020 at 10:22 am #31377recessivegenequeenParticipant
Heather, thanks so much for sharing your story! I think it helps people so much to know how different it can be in the future, and that you truly can begin to forget what it’s like to have vaginismus because of how totally you can be cured of it. I’m so glad you’re having good sex and that it’s deepening your marriage. You and every woman who has suffered from vaginismus deserve that.
Much luck to you in the future and thanks for sharing your wonderful experience with the botox procedure!
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