New to the Forum…desperate to overcome Vaginismus!

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Home Forums Vaginismus Support Group Daily Questions About Vaginismus New to the Forum…desperate to overcome Vaginismus!

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    Hi there, I am new to the Forum and from the UK. I have struggled with this condition for many years. I have been married for nearly 2 years but with my husband for 6. I have tried different sized dilators but not regularly as I lose hope. If anyone on here can advise on how best to overcome this that be great. Is there any treatment like botox available in the UK? Has anyone tried acupuncture to relax the pelvic muscles?


    Hi Daisy. Welcome to the Forum and thank you for your post. I am so, so sorry for your struggles with vaginismus. I, too, had vaginismus all through my 20s and into my early 30s. I was never able to insert the dilators or even the smallest tampon (despite trying so many times). I ended up having the Botox treatment and was able to then insert the Pure Romance dilators and later my husband. I think there are so many factors that made it work when nothing had in the past but one of the most important is the wall of resistance that I had always experienced when trying to insert anything was no longer there and I was able to insert the dilators right in in the standing position and, after I became comfortable with this, my husband. I have not tried acupuncture but did try pelvic floor PT prior to having the Botox treatment and I wasn’t able to progress as I still couldn’t insert anything. I know in the past that several patients from the UK have traveled over to the States to have the procedure. I had the chance to meet Arose and her husband while she was here (see post below) as well as several others. So importantly, please, please know that I am here to support you 100% and I am so glad that you found this Forum.

    Botox Treatment for UK Patients


    Rachel has shared in the past her experience of visiting New York City and Maze Women’s Sexual Health is right outside of NYC:
    “When you come for your treatment you have time in NYC. We caught a broadway show-Billy Elliott which was amazing and did all of the tour buses and the empire state building. I did this before the treatment and found it took my mind off being nervous!! I was so over stimulated with everything in NY I didn’t have time to worry!!”

    Also, Arose has written:
    “I’m from the UK, we found Dr Pacik’s programme through just searching online, and after trying dilation at home for several years with stunted progress, we decided to make the trip to the US. In fact, I had the treatment today!! Everyone is really very welcoming, and whilst the Botox hasn’t kicked in yet (it takes a few days), i have been dilating fine, and have no pain. I definately recommend you consider this treatment… good luck!”


    Vaginismus is indeed a world-wide issue, unfortunately there is a lack of knowledge and treatment all over the world as well. Please be in touch with us if you are overseas, many of our patients come to us for treatment from over seas and have great success.


    Hi Daisy,
    So glad you joined the forum and can be part of this community here! ?Unfortunately, finding Botox treatment for vaginismus is very, very difficult (we hope that changes one day and people could get help more easily)….until then, it may be helpful to give us a call and see if we can work something out..


    Hi Daisy

    Gynecosmetics in London offer reasonable prices, contact Dr. Joe Daniels.


    Hi, im from South Africa, I have never had penetrative sex before, and the use of fingers is something I didn’t enjoy. I found out last year that I have Vaginismus. I dont think you have facilities in our country but fortunately i found a website called they dont particularly use Botox but they prescribe a cream (numb me, repair the nerves in and around my vagina) and dilators. The largest is the 5th dilator, im currently on the 4th one and it took me a month to get to that point, mind you, thats a good thing.

    I was constantly told that its all in my head and should drink more wine but somehow I knew there was more to this. Now my question is, considering that I am not using the same method as the people on this group, I have faith that I will overcome Vaginismus but now the closer I get, the more terrified I am that I might fail in achieving the goal because my partner and I tried several times before I started the treatment im currently on. Am i the only one who feels nervous and scared the closer i get to conquering it?


    Hi Tshego27 – no, what you are describing is an INCREDIBLY common feeling among those of us who have dealt with vaginismus before! Even people like me who have had the botox treatment are afraid of attempting sex again for lots of reasons. For me, there was a lot of anxiety because I wasn’t sure what I would have done if it hadn’t worked, and I was worried that all the progress I’d made wouldn’t be enough to make sex possible.

    Fortunately those feelings are just the remnants of what I used to worry about sexually, and none of them came to pass. I WAS able to have sex, and it wasn’t painful, and the more I had it the more I enjoyed it.

    So much of what makes vaginismus difficult to deal with is the psychological symptoms in addition the physical ones. The good news is that as long as you’re making progress, there’s no need to rush sex. You should go as slowly as you need to and celebrate each milestone, even if you’re not ready to have “normal” sex immediately. It takes time, but you WILL get there if you keep trying. You’ve been so brave to get to the point you’re at – keep going and you’ll get there!


    Hi Recessivegenequeen, I really appreciate your response, with regards to progress, I occasionally give myself a pats on the back but the more pats I give myself the more terrified I am cause of this fear of failure. Maybe things will change once my boyfriend and I attempt to have sex again (crosses finger)



    It’s soooooo normal for you to worry like this, I was the same exact way and I bet 99+% of those on this forum were similar (I wasn’t successful several times before, so I figured I’d be the ONE story where even after dilating I still wouldn’t be successful). I hope it gives you comfort that although I went to Maze, I also didn’t use the botox procedure and overcame my vaginismus with the use of just dilators, like you. I also think I was a difficult case seeing as I couldn’t wear tampons, hadn’t had a pap smear, and had EXTREME anxiety my first few appointments. My progress with dilators was slow and steady but it worked for me.

    Sex with your boyfriend may not be easy at first – he will likely have to go slow, and it may not be super comfortable or pleasurable your first few times. There are some tips about transitioning from dilators to early intercourse here:

    In one post, Heather posts a few quick stories from patients transitioning, and they mostly say similar things – dilating right beforehand helps A LOT, and it will likely feel mechanical instead of pleasurable at first. But that’s okay – successful intercourse, even if “mechanical,” will be the start of your long and healthy sex life of experimenting, seeing what you like and don’t like, and eventually having pleasurable and stress-free sex 🙂

    There are also some posts in that thread that say their first time (post-dilator therapy or botox) attempting intercourse didn’t completely “work” but NOT to be discouraged. Continue with dilators and experimenting with different positions! Just know that once you feel confident with the dilators and you’re up to a dilator size that’s around/slightly larger than your boyfriend’s penis size, you ARE able to fit that dilator, so you ARE able to fit him!

    Even after reading all these success stories it’s normal to worry that it won’t work, and worry about failure, so don’t put too much pressure on the first time you try – like recessivegenequeen said, “You should go as slowly as you need to and celebrate each milestone, even if you’re not ready to have “normal” sex immediately.” Hopefully your boyfriend will be understanding even if it takes a couple tries for it to work! 🙂

    Good luck and we’re all rooting for you 🙂


    I really appreciate your responses. For once I dont feel so alone. Thank you Ladies


    Hi Daisy24 & others who are suffering from this condition,

    Dont worry! This is totally treatable & you are not alone. I am 28 now and i have been suffering from this condition for almost 5yrs of married life.I started worrying about this condition very recently for about 7 months. I was depressed. I googled googled , visited OB/GYN, family doctor,dilators, anesthetic creams etc. etc..nothing helped. I wasn’t even courageous enough to let the dilators in, it was that tight and painful.

    Finally I went for pelvic physiotherapy session and that saved my life.I had very fast recovery in about 3 sessions and I am totally fine now and I am able to enjoy painless intercourse with my husband.

    Be strong and its totally treatable.

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