Which Lubricant?

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    What kind of lube do you use? If you’re struggling with inserting the smallest dilator, how do you know if it’s the wrong lubricant or that you just need to be patient?

    I’m not in a relationship right now, if that makes a difference.


    Hi Rosamund,

    Sometimes a different lubricant can make a difference. A lot of the over the counter water based lubricants can get sticky and actually make penetration more uncomfortable.

    I always recommend trying coconut oil as a lubricant as an alternative to traditional lubricants. Coconut oil is all natural, and most women don’t have any negative reactions to it.

    You can also try a hybrid lubricant, like liquid silk, or sliquid silk, which is a combo of water and silicone based. They tend to last longer, and they don’t get sticky or tacky over time.

    Finding the best lubricant for you can take some trial and error. Not being in a relationship works to your advantage, as you can find what you really like, and what works well with your body.

    I would try the coconut oil, as that is so easy to get, and I find most patients really like it. And you can find hybrid lubricants on amazon.com.

    Hope this helps..Melissa


    Hello Rosamund,

    I totally agree with Melissa that coconut oil is a great option. Also using a silicone based lubricant is better than a water based lubricant as it will not dry out as quickly. Also I would recommend staying away from anything with alcohol, or Nonoxynoal 9 as one of the ingredients as they can both really sting. A friend recently recommended this brand as well https://goodcleanlove.com/collections.
    Take care,


    Hi Rosamund,
    It might be beneficial for you to try to relax before you start using the smallest dilator. My therapist told me to try to feel the pelvic floor muscles and by breathing in tense them “drawing them up” and by breathing out relax them “let them slip down”. Than by dilating one can just put the dilator at the vaginal entrance and usually it does not go in immediately so one just holds it in place and keep applying a gentle pressure never push further if it starts hurting just leave it there and wait until it gets better. Than she recommended using the breathing technic. By breathing out after doing it for a while you body might start sending the signal to relax you pelvic floor allowing you to apply a tiny bit more pressure to enter the dilator slowly. I was told it can take up to 20 minutes or longer for the pelvic floor muscles to stay in spasm not allowing you to enter the dilator. So patience might help you. I find it always good to watch TV whilst doing it to take my mind of it. I am using Deumavan cream for lubrication. https://deumavan.com/en/products/ it was once recommended by one of my gynaecologists. It keeps moist for quite a while which helps a lot. It is not declared as lubricant so I don’t know if any health risks are involved.
    I hope that makes sense and helps you a bit! Have a good day!


    I used and continue to use coconut oil when dilating! It has worked the best for me.

    I also agree with Heliopsis about deep breathing, AND about not pushing the dilator further if it starts hurting – just leave it in place until the pain subsides, and then push it a little deeper (slowly). This helped me all the time and I wasn’t sure if I was the only one who did this!

    Good luck!


    Thank you everyone. I bought coconut oil at a local store and am waiting for the Pacik dilators to arrive.


    The Pacik dilators arrived, but I kept postponing using them. I finally used #3 with coconut oil. I felt a little pain half-way in. I stopped and waited a bit, then gently pushed it farther in. My struggle as I did it was related to the sexual and physical abuse I’ve been through. I was also nervous about feeling the pain I did at my two pap smears in the past.

    I got it all the way inside, but when I stood up the dilator fell out. How do you deal with that?


    Hi Rosamund! That are great news! Congratulation that you were able to insert the dilator fully! I am amazed you could stand up the first time using them – That must mean that the Pacik dilators must be quit comfortable? – I usually only dilate lying anything else is uncomfortable for me. But I remember reading in Dr Paciks books that some people used them whilst going shopping etc… and that the dr paciks dilators are shorter that might mean its easier to do these things? – its a good question how they keep them in place – they might have really tight pants? I hope someone who did that will reply to you. But I think the key of dilating is doing it regular for 5 minutes – whilst watching a film or similar. That will make it already much better. I am so glad you could progress to three so quickly!!! I hope you will be able to continue using them painfree soon! All the very Best for you! Sorry for not having the right answer for you.


    Rosamund, that’s amazing that you were able to use the dilators – AND that you pushed past the initial discomfort to get it in! When you’re first dilating, that’s a huge part of the sensation – pushing past the initial ring of strong muscles. You’ll find that the whole rest of the dilator slides in easily beyond that initial point.

    As for the dilator falling out – that’s gravity for you! The dilators aren’t designed to stay in place if you’re just standing up naked. You’ll have to hold one in with your hand or, as I often did, put on a pair of underwear while wearing the dilator to hold it in place. However, you don’t necessarily NEED to walk around wearing it for long periods of time. Dilating for just a few minutes a day can have a huge effect if you don it consistently, and you’ll still see the gains even if you’re not going out and about wearing it. I hope this helps!


    Hey everyone, I’ve tried plastic dilators but that didn’t work out for me so I stopped dilating for like more than a year and recently purchased silicone dilators, on my 3rd try I was able to successfully put the entire first one in with no pain which is a huge deal for me because I used to cry like a baby previously however I just have a question regarding coconut oil, I am desperate for a long lasting lube and have been using a silicone lube with silicone dilators. The second day when dilating I left it in until the pain and pressure subsided and when I was ready to push further it started to burn, once I removed the dilator I saw that the tip was completely dry and that prevented me from pushing further, this is the first dilator so I don’t want the same thing to happen when I move to the next sizes because this has been so easy for me Im so stressed of continuing and having difficulties and then going back to square one, please give me advice on coconut oil being used with silicone dilators and how to wash it off from the dilator, also what’s the maximum time I am allowed to keep the dilator in, basically just advice going forward from here so I can maybe prevent any hiccups and finally overcome this. Thank you guys so much


    Hi Tiffany – thanks for your question! First of all, in my understanding, you’re actually NOT supposed to use a pure silicone lube with a silicone dilator (or sex toy of any kind) – for some reason the lube can cause the dilator to break down and come apart over time.

    If you want something longer-lasting LIKE silicone lube, I recommend a water/silicone blend, which gives you some of that same staying power. Here’s one example, though other brands create blended lubes as well:

    I haven’t used coconut oil a ton but if you’re finding it doesn’t last long enough, I think a blended lube is a great option. I’d also recommend AVOIDING water-based lubes – my experience with them has been that they dry up super quickly.

    Also, as for how long you can leave a dilator in, some people sleep in them through the night, so I wouldn’t worry about leaving them in for too long – but you also shouldn’t feel like you have to keep them in forever. The most important parts of dilating in my opinion are being able to put in/take out the dilator and dilating CONSISTENTLY, every day if possible. Your body needs to be trained to get used to the presence of the dilator and the best thing that can help is time.

    It sounds like you’re off to a really great start – celebrate your accomplishments so far and I’m sure you’ll be able to get through the other dilators. Let us know if you have any questions!

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