when to dilate – live with husband

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    I want to use the dilators in private and regularly, but unsure how to schedule it in my day – I live with my husband.


    I would first encourage you to be open with your husband about dilation, so he could give you time alone in the bedroom to do your exercises. I believe partner support can be so helpful in your treatment program.

    But if you are truly uncomfortable discussing with him dilation, some women have found success dilating in the bathtub. The hot water can be relaxing and help make the muscles less tense. You would need to use a lubricant that is not water based, so try coconut oil on the dilator.

    mmHelen Leff, LCSW

    Hi esbest8,
    Getting started with anything new is not easy and when it’s laden with both physical and emotional stuff it’s even more complicated. Vaginismus can be overcome and dilating consistently is key as you know. How have you been and how can we help you get started (if you haven’t already)?


    Hi esbest8,

    I also encourage being open with him IF YOU CAN, so he will understand not to bother you for a bit to do the exercises. When I explained what vaginismus was to my partner in simple terms and casually (something like “involuntary closing/tightening of the muscles around the vagina, making penetration painful”) he was super understanding and when I explained the dilation exercises he also completely got it. Occasionally when I used to dilate daily, I’d even dilate under the blanket with him next to me (I’d usually have headphones in and be watching TV/Netflix on my phone).

    Obviously everyone’s partners are different and people feel differently about being so open with their significant other, so I understand if you’d like to keep the dilation practice from him. In that case, trying it in the bathtub seems like a great idea. Or if you know he is busy for an hour or so (working from home or watching TV or something), say you’d like to relax in the bedroom and do it then.

    Cheers and keep us updated!

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