TRANSITIONING TO SEX ONLY
June 27, 2020 at 2:44 am #31129MotivatedMummaParticipant
I had sex for the first time last night, after waiting ten years for this moment. (I cried, but for the first time it was tears of joy rather than frustration!)
My question is, in order to have sex I had to:
-Apply lidocaine 30mins before
-Dilate with the largest dilator for 15mins
Does anyone know when I will be able to lose the lidocaine, or stop dilating prior to sex?
I can imagine doing this every time will start to kill the mood.June 30, 2020 at 5:08 pm #31215Jennifer Dembo, LMSWModerator
Yea @MotivatedMumma!That is incredible news and we couldn’t be happier for you!!
Wish we could give you a solid answer to your question. Everyone is different and there are several variables involved (your anatomy, your partner’s, your comfort level, frequency of penetration, etc.). Getting advice from a trusted care provider can help guide you through the evolution of all of this going forward.
Some women are able to cease some or all treatment; others need to maintain in order to successfully have penetrative sex. The latter might get to be a drag, but alternately you can choose to make these things part of your sexual engagements if you think about them as enhancers instead of requirements. That may be easier said than done, but with a little time and practice, neuroplasticity (changing your brain with updated thoughts and behaviors) will reign supreme!July 3, 2020 at 9:33 am #31325recessivegenequeenParticipant
MotivatedMumma – CONGRATULATIONS! This is amazing news! I had vaginismus in the past and also wept with joy the first time my partner was able to insert his penis, so I identify strongly with your elation at the time.
Trust me when I say that it WILL get easier. For me the first month or two were in that awkward phase of adjustment where we were able to have sex without it causing me pain, but it was still sometimes UNCOMFORTABLE and definitely took a lot of warmup both in terms of foreplay and in needing to dilate beforehand. But having sex regularly really did get easier and I would gradually get ready faster and need to dilate for less long until I really started to enjoy it and look forward to it, and eventually I needed to dilate less and less and then eventually not at all.
Treating vaginismus is a long road and it’s very normal after having to do so much work just to get to the point of having intercourse that you would want to skip ahead to finally feeling normal. You will get to a better place by taking one step at a time as you have so far – and then you will look back and be stunned at how far you’ve walked. Keep at it and just be present in the moment and your successes as much as possible – you’ll be having more pain-free, spontaneous intercourse before too long if you keep at it!
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