Success after 10 years without botox

[SuzyQue]

I’ve suffered from Vaginismus for ten years. Since I first tried to have sex when I was 18, through to when I finally managed to have penetrative sex when I was 28.

Throughout that time I read a lot of forums, blogs and comments. I learnt a lot from the other women going through the same thing as me. After lurking on forums for ten years and never contributing, I thought I should share my success story and some of the things that worked for me. For me, it was just a couple of adjustments to the standard method of stretching with dilators that ended up working.

Some quick details first: I had pain on the outside of my vagina (I would easily fail the cotton bud test at the doctors), as well as muscular pain that basically stopped anything from entering without heaps of pain. Anything too big couldn’t enter at all. It’s like there was simply a wall stopping it.

After many doctors, medication etc (you know the drill) the tide turned when I saw a pelvic floor physio. She basically told me to do a heap of stretches 3 times a week with dilators. She always compared the stretches to exercise and acknowledged it would hurt, but over time it would get better, and it would be worth it. “The pain means it’s working” she would say. Find a physio that ‘gets’ it, and cares. It makes a world of difference to feel like you have someone in your corner.

This is what I learnt, and what worked for me:

– Buy some nice squishy dildos in different sizes rather than those awful cold, hard, hollow plastic medical dilators. This made a huuuuge difference to me. I got some like this, with a hard centre and a squishy silicone sleeve. https://www.cinder.co.nz/products/real-feel-lifelike-toyz-no-10?variant=12676413095978

– Buy a dilator the same size as your partner (get out the measuring tape to be sure!)

– Try a lot of different lubes. Am I the only one that thinks most lubes only work for the first two minutes before becoming an awful sticky glue?! Once you find a good one, use it like crazy. Like, ‘put a towel on the bed so you don’t get lube everywhere’ levels of crazy.

– Shift your thinking from ‘did someone set this dilator on fire and add spikes to it when I wasn’t looking. I’m stopping because this is pointless and the more it hurts the more I will clam up’. To ‘this hurts because I’m stretching it. Like exercise, I expect this to hurt, it doesn’t need to be fun, I just need to do it. If I’m persistent it will get easier over time and it will be worth it’.

– That said, try to have some fun with it. I like reading trashy erotic novels to pass the time while I’m doing stretches. Maybe invite in your partner help out for the last 5 minutes of stretching!

With some persistence, that’s what worked for me. Some minor adjustments to what I’d been doing for ten years, and a mindset change. I’m as surprised as anybody that it worked!

Penetrative sex still takes a lot of preparation and it still hurts a little sometimes. I have to use dilators first, building up to the biggest one before swapping to my partner. And there are still days when, for reasons I will never understand, I can’t get through all the dilators and I have to call it a day. But I’m sure over time it will get easier!

[recessivegenequeen]

Hi SuzyQue – congratulations on all the progress you’ve made with your vaginismus and thanks for sharing your story! There’s so many good tips here for people who want to seek treatment in a number of ways, and the most important and universal ones are so, SO true – be persistent, find a doctor or specialist who makes you feel heard and supported, and keep experimenting to see what works best for you. This is a great story and we’re so glad to hear it’s worked for you!

[Jennifer Dembo, LMSW]

Amazing story, SuzyQue – thanks so much for sharing, and congratulations! Your persistence and resilience and search for a caring provider have clearly paid off for you. Also, your perspective shift is bound to help many who read your post.

All of us at Maze wish you continued and sustained progress!

[Sks823]

Hi SuzyQue,

I love this advice! And I need to give a HUGE congratulations to you on all of your progress! I know things will continue to be even easier for you as time goes on. 🙂

I specifically agree with shifting your mindset – during my dilating, I similarly thought about how I was stretching muscles that had never been stretched before which is why I had pain – just like lifting 20 lb weights will be painful if you’ve never lifted weights before! so I especially love this very good point:

– Shift your thinking from ‘did someone set this dilator on fire and add spikes to it when I wasn’t looking. I’m stopping because this is pointless and the more it hurts the more I will clam up’. To ‘this hurts because I’m stretching it. Like exercise, I expect this to hurt, it doesn’t need to be fun, I just need to do it. If I’m persistent it will get easier over time and it will be worth it’.

Appreciate your post and great advice 🙂 hope things are still going amazingly with you and your sex life!