Single and Overcoming Vaginismus

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    Hi ladies. A lot has been discussed about married couples overcoming vaginismus and the joy that comes from such. I think another excellent topic is the joy that comes from overcoming vaginismus as a single woman as well. So many single women avoid dating and entering into new relationships because of vaginismus. One of Dr. Pacik’s treated patients has written:

    “I am afraid to date new people because I don’t want to drop this bomb on them … I think my sexual problems will definitely hold me back from meeting someone new … The idea of having someone reject me because of this disorder is heartbreaking and I will not allow myself to be put through that pain again.”

    On Day 2 of my procedure, I remember Dr. Pacik and Ellen talking to our group and they talked about the joy that their patients experience post-procedure after being cured from vaginismus. For example, they noted that for their single patients, they could date freely and start relationships without the burden of vaginismus (i.e. having to worry about telling their partner about it, how it would affect their relationship, etc.). For the treated patients reading this who are single, what were your experiences with the procedure and afterwards?

    Also, Dr. Pacik has written on the importance of dilating – Continued Dilator Therapy is Key for the Single Vaginismus Patient:


    In a prior post, one of the single treated patient’s wrote “Before I had [the procedure], I couldn’t even allow myself to think about dating again, let alone sex. Now that I dilate every day, with ease, I feel like intercourse will just be a natural progression when the time comes.” I think this is such a wonderful post. For the single patients, do you have any specific advice or tips for future patients having this procedure that are single? Do you also have any advice or tips for the single patients awaiting treatment or considering it for the first time?


    Hi all. In an excellent recent post, Melissa discussed the benefits of seeking treatment for vaginismus as a single patient. Specifically, she wrote:
    “We see many women in our practice who we treat for vaginismus and they don’t have partners. I always encourage them to look at this as a positive and not a negative. Focusing on yourself and becoming comfortable with your own body is going to be essential for when you want to transfer that to a partner.”
    I absolutely love this and believe it is so, so important.


    Hello, Heather. I just wanted to add how much I enjoyed reading that quote too. It pretty much summarizes my sentiment. I am treating myself with one main goal: have annual exams that do not feel like I am being poked with a knife. This would also help for when I meet that special someone.

    Plaloz, single and with vaginismus


    congratulations for focusing on yourself and your self care. There are many milestones to celebrate with dilating that don’t involve a partner. Being able to tolerate a gynecologic exam is one of them. Another is being able to comfortably insert a tampon – this opens up many options for patients who in the past would have to pass on beach days and pool parties if they were menstruating. Yet another is being able to experiment with an internal vibrator.
    We frequently treat patients with vaginismus who are not in a relationship; one of the benefits is that there is no potential internalized pressure of trying to meet a ‘timeline’ for the dilation process.
    Again, congratulations on prioritizing yourself!
    Keep us posted!

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