Scared about first doctors appointment

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    Hi all,

    I have finally made my first doctors appointment (Uk) and I’m very nervous… It’s a week away and Im constantly thinking about the right things to say. I’m worried I won’t know where to start! I think by reading other people’s stories, hearing that an amount of doctors don’t know much about vaginismus has made me quite reluctant.

    I even had a dream a few nights ago that I was in an appointment with two doctors and they were utterly shocked by what I was saying and laughed. Uh oh. I know I need to try and nip this in the bud though because each day I feel my self confidence lower..
    The thing that frustrates me the most is that I feel like I have caused this. I feel so much guilt towards my boyfriend and it’s not that he isn’t being supportive because he is and he always has been from when I first found an issue with having sex but it doesn’t stop me from feeling worthless and abnormal to everyone else. I sit with my friends and listen to some of them chat about their sex lives and all I want to do is crawl up into a ball and cry… I know it’s silly because everyone is different and the success rate is great for this condition as I can see! Just terrified I’ll be the failure story… I’m 17 and I don’t want children for a long time but what if I can’t?

    Ah:( any help with what to say at the docs?
    Thank you,
    Han x



    You won’t be a failure story! With work (using dilators, for example) and determination, you will definitely be able to get through this! It isn’t always easy, but it’s great that you’re seeing a doctor about it at your young age, and with your determination you’ll be great!

    I wholeheartedly understand the guilt and loneliness you’re going through, I went through the same exact thing until I seeked treatment around age 23! And of course I wish I had seeked treatment earlier. There were times during my treatment where I thought I wouldn’t be able to keep going, but I persisted and got through all the dilator sizes!

    My advice:
    – write down your symptoms – the pain you feel when attempting intercourse, and anything else you think is relevant – that way you won’t forget what to say 🙂
    – mention vaginismus and some treatments you’ve read about that you are interested in (using dilators) and ask if they can help or if they have any referrals
    – relax! doctors are often great & know what they’re doing, and they are most often sympathetic and understanding 🙂 also, I think vaginismus is becoming more well-known (the last few times I mentioned it to doctors/specialists they knew what I was talking about) so there’s a good chance he or she will know about it!

    Good luck, we’re all rooting for you!


    Han, I don’t know if you’ve already had your appointment (if so, I hope it went great!) but either way, I want to make sure you know how incredibly brave you are for exploring treatment and looking for answers! You are already SO ahead of the game just by knowing what your situation is. I was 21 when I finally learned about vaginismus and understood what was happening and 25 when I got treatment – I can’t even imagine what it would have been like to have the option of dealing with this problem at 17. All of this is to say that since you are starting so early, you have all the time you’ll need to treat your vaginismus so that you can have sex (and children someday, once you want them).

    I understand how hard it is to take this advice, but I think the best thing you can do is be patient with yourself about how long treatment will take. Whether you dilate or do botox, it will take time to be able to have sex, and it’s important to celebrate small milestones and developments because they’re the building blocks toward the life you want. Even if this doctor’s appointment doesn’t go well (and I suspect it will, or has), there are other doctors and other options. As long as you keep trying, you WILL be able to beat this, I promise. Many of us have been able to, and we’re here to show you the way.


    Thank you both for your reassuring replies! I have my appointment later today (Uk time) and I’m so nervous but I know I need to get through this point to make any progress and believe it will be the start of trying to sort this. I can’t explain how much I appreciate the positivity in the forum, from people like yourself. It’s so important that this exists in a world where vaginismus isn’t a subject too many people are aware of. When I feel alone and overwhelmed with thoughts about this I know I can read others’ stories or post if I have an update or concern and it is definitely helps!

    Thank you x


    Hi Hannah, how was your appointment? I hope you got some answers or feel like you made some progress!

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